


I'm With You

by american_heiress



Category: Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Blow Jobs, Cancer, Coming Out, Domestic Violence, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, I'll add more tags when they apply, Mentions of Cancer, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Physical Abuse, Rough Oral Sex, Sad, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, im just as excited as you are, josh finally gets a kitten, josh is bi, joshler - Freeform, slowbuild, well pretty much everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:04:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/american_heiress/pseuds/american_heiress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler accidentally outs himself as gay to his family and is kicked out. Josh spots a boy freezing on a bridge and sees if he can help. Oh, p.s. Josh is really good at making hot chocolate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is the first fic I've written and posted. I'd like to add more to it and really make it a story. I can't guarantee an update every day but I'll try for as often as possible. Feedback is welcome!

There were several things that I felt stupid about at this very moment. To start, I hadn’t thought to grab a damn jacket or coat or something on my way out of the house. It’s only early spring, where one minute it’s raining, the next everything freezes over. Welcome to the Midwest. It’s ten thirty at night and the breeze coming across the bridge I’m sat on chills me to my bones, the metal bench beneath me not making things any easier. I didn’t even think to grab my phone either, so it’s not like I could call any of my friends for help, but to be fair, I wasn’t exactly in my right mind when I ran sobbing from the house. No, the stupidest thing I’d done all night is blurt out the fact that I’m gay in front of my family.

I didn’t mean to do it. Not tonight anyhow. We were all sat as a family watching tv when the show that was on showed a gay couple and I just couldn’t take all the slurs my family were tossing around like it didn’t matter. The way they said it was wrong, they don’t know why the show would put ‘such a thing on tv for everyone to see, like it was ' _normal_.’ So what did that make me?

After the topic moved to how ‘fags’ and ‘dykes’ should never be allowed to marry, let alone raise kids, I lost it. I planned on telling them one day, but in a much less heated way. That’s all I’ve ever wanted in life, to find the perfect person, settle down, and raise my own family, with just as much love and support mine had showed me. It wasn’t until recently I discovered that I would rather have a husband than a wife. But nothing else about me changed. My family would talk about how one day they’d love it if I found ‘the one’, brought them home to ‘meet the folks’ and have grandkids running around for them to spoil. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my family. They raised me well, taught me about hard work and commitment, how important family is – which is why I couldn’t understand why after I made my confession, my mom started to cry and locked herself in her room as my dad was yelling for me to get out, ‘clear my mind’, and for my siblings to sit silently and not even try to defend me. I’m still the same loving, supportive brother that I have always been, I just want to be with a guy instead of a girl.

It must’ve been close to an hour now of me sitting on the bridge, eyes unfocused on the choppy water below. It feels like a perfect representation of my mind – dark, churning, with frightening things hidden beneath, praying they never surface intending to drown me. Tears started to form in my eyes even though I tried to hold back. Why haven’t they come looking for me yet? Do they really not care? Part of me wishes to just go home, but I’m not sure if I have one anymore.

Somehow even through all the dark thoughts, music comes to the front of my mind. It’s always been an escape and a savior, even if it’s like a comedian with a messed up sense of humor. The first song to pop up into my head to distract me is I’m With You by Avril Lavigne. A small smirk tugs at the edge of my lips and a silent tear rolls off my cheek. I can’t help but think this is another stupid thing for me to do, but I can’t stop myself from quietly singing,

“I'm standing on a bridge  
I'm waiting in the dark  
I thought that you'd be here by now  
There's nothing but the rain  
No footsteps on the ground  
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?  
Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night  
Trying to figure out this life  
Won't you take me by the hand?  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I... I'm with you  
I'm with you”

“That’s actually pretty good.” I jumped from being startled at the sudden voice a few feet away. I see through teary eyes a man, maybe a little bit older than me, standing with his hands in his coat pockets, watching me sing depressing emo songs to myself. And oh good, hes attractive, and I look like a hot (actually almost frozen) mess. “Aren’t you freezing?” He asks, eyes giving me the once over. He’s noticed my bare arms and then his eyes stop on my face, probably catching onto the tears that I couldn’t stop from happening. “Hey, are you alright?”

I stand from the bench and wipe away the tears with the back of my hand. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“No you’re not,” he retorts. “You’re literally shivering and you’re crying.” He takes a tentative step forward, “Can I help you?” I couldn’t help but just stare and take a step back. I don’t know this man, he doesn’t know me from Adam, but he’s offering me help when my own _family_  couldn’t even be bothered to come look for me. He must’ve noticed my apprehension and put his hands up defensively. “I’m not trying to freak you out, but it’s almost eleven at night, and maybe only like fifteen degrees out. How long have you been out here?”

I don’t speak, electing to shrug my shoulders slowly instead. I’m afraid that if I say anything, the tears will start again.

“Well it’s too cold to stay outside, do you need help getting home?”

The thought makes me seize up. I know the way home, I’m just not sure if I can go home, or that I even want to right now. His eyes scan me when he saw me tense, acting very wary like he might spook a wild animal. Understanding crosses over his face, “Can you not go home? Do you not feel safe there?” My eyes fall to the ground as I think it over and then slowly shake my head. “Okay, then we won’t take you home. Will you at least take my jacket?” My eyes flick up to see him shaking off his coat and handing it to me. I glance back up at him with a confused expression. “Please take it, you’ll freeze. And we can’t have you getting sick, it’ll ruin that beautiful singing voice.” He shows a small smile and actually gets me to silently laugh to myself. This complete stranger is trying to make me laugh and keep me from freezing to death. I slowly grab the coat and throw it on and it is so, so perfectly warm. “There, I don’t know about you but I feel better.”

I watch his face for a minute before asking, “Won’t you be cold now?”

He smiles, “Nah, I live around the corner up there,” pointing to the next block over, “you want to come inside for a bit? Warm up?” I watch him warily. “I promise not to try anything, I just want to help you out. Oh, my names Josh by the way.”

He holds his hand out for me to shake so I do, it’s only polite especially after a man hands you his jacket so you don’t freeze to death. “Tyler.”

“Tyler...okay,” he says out loud though it sounds like he’s testing it out, mulling it over in his head. “Suits you a lot better than guy-on-a-bridge-singing-depressing-Avril-Lavigne-songs would.” I couldn’t help but chuckle, and he smiles again at my response.

Josh’s place is a decent sized apartment, small kitchen but a nice big living room. He gestures for me to sit on the couch and tells me to wait. I take a moment to glance around and my eyes land on a large stereo in one corner, surrounded by all kinds of albums, and then a small electronic drum kit in the other corner. So Josh likes music a lot too, we would get along. A thought occurs to me which has me smiling darkly to myself. Again, life has a funny sense of humor. My parents always told me to never talk to strangers, and _obviously_ , never follow a strange man home. They clearly cared so much about my safety until they knew I was gay and then thought, what? Fuck it? Who cares what happens to him? He could be lying dead in a ditch somewhere but oh well, he was gay anyway.

Josh walks back into the room with a heavy looking blanket and space heater. He handed me the blanket and plugged in the heater, cranking it all the way up. “I know it’s not as cold in here as outside but a little extra help is nice right?” I smiled at him and awkwardly put the blanket over my shoulders. It did feel really nice, to being taken care of this way, someone watching out for me. It’s like I’m a little lost puppy that Josh scooped off the street and took home. The thought makes me laugh. “What’s so funny?” Josh asks with a smile.

“All of this.” I gesture to the blanket and space heater and back to Josh. “I was thinking that I feel like a little lost puppy you found outside and brought home with you, trying to make it feel better.”

“Is it working?” He asks, still smiling.

“Yeah, kinda.” I admit with a chuckle.

“I think I can still top myself. What’s your favorite hot drink?”

“Josh, you really don’t have to-”

He holds his hand up, “But I want to. I’ve got coffee, hot chocolate, a few different types of tea, maybe even some cider left over I can warm up?”

“I don’t think coffee with my nerves would be a good idea and at risk of sounding like a child but not giving a fuck anyways, hot chocolate sounds great. Can I help?” I offer, starting to stand.

Josh places his hand on my shoulder gently, but still pushes me back down. “No no, you stay here, warm up, I’ll make it for you.”

He leaves around the corner to the kitchen and I take another glance around the room. My eyes land back on the drum set. “You play the drums?” Well that was a stupid question, obviously he does if he has it in his apartment Ty, duh.

“Yeah, had to get the electronic set while I live here, keeps the noise complaints away. Had to leave my old setup at my parents, nothin’ like the real thing though. I get to play more with a real kit at my job on my breaks or if I stay late. Perks of being a shift manager, you get a set of keys.” He walks back in with a mug for him and I. I almost laugh out loud when I notice the great lengths he went to. There is a full size mug of hot chocolate, marshmallows, whipped cream, caramel _and_  hot fudge drizzled across the top. He noticed that I haven’t taken a sip yet, “Something wrong?”

“Yeah, I see there’s only six marshmallows in here? I always have to have at least eight before I can drink it, I’m afraid the whole things been ruined, I’ll have to send it back.”

Josh laughs at me pretending to be a prissy customer. “Well then, I’ll have to have a word with whoever made your hot chocolate because _clearly_ , they don’t know what they’re doing. How dare they...”

“I know right? The audacity of some people!” We both laugh before I take a big sip and it is singlehandly the most pleasant thing I’ve ever tasted. He even added a little bit of cinnamon to give it just that little something extra. “Seriously though, where did you learn to make a drink like this?”

“It’s nothing really. I used to be a Starbucks barista before Guitar Center and I may have learned a thing or two.”

“Well it is a very valuable skill set to have. You make a great first impression.”

“Well thank you Tyler! Good to know I didn’t work hard and not retain anything useful from that heinous job.”

I keep sipping on my drink, not even noticing Josh staring at me until I glance up and his eyes lock mine. “Why were you on that bridge Tyler?”

My stomach instantly dropped. This was a conversation I didn’t want to have but a reason I know he deserved to hear. I couldn’t keep eye contact though and stared at the nearly empty mug in my hands. “I uh...I got kicked out.”

Josh moved from the armchair he was sitting in to the couch where I was. Not too close to make me uncomfortable but close enough to place his hand on my back, a sign of comfort. “What happened?”

I could feel my damn throat start to swell again as I choked back tears. I didn’t want any more to fall, let alone in front of Josh. “I told my parents I’m gay. My uh, my mom started to cry and went and hid in her room, and my dad kept yelling, telling me I didn’t know what I was talking about. When I tried explaining that I know who I am, he wouldn’t hear any more of it and screamed for me to get out.” I wiped my face with the edge of the blanket, determined to not shed another tear tonight.

“Tyler, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, me too…” We both stayed quiet for awhile before he spoke up.

“Well if you don’t feel safe going back, you’re more than welcome to crash here. I know I just met you, but I don’t want you going back out onto the street tonight. If you don’t want to stay here, I understand, is there anyone I can call for you?”

My mind sorted through my, very few, friends and I knew it had to be Brendon. He was the only one I had told I was gay and knew that he would understand. He came out to his parents a few months ago and while they initially didn’t accept it, they remembered that he was their son no matter what, and that they’d always love and support him, _as a family should_ , I thought bitterly.

“Yeah, can I borrow your phone? I want to call my friend Brendon.”

“Sure thing.” Josh handed me his phone from his pocket and I took it. It was nearly one in the morning now, normal people would be dead asleep but Brendon would most definitely be awake. He picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey Bren, it’s Tyler.”

“Tyler? Who’s number are you calling me from? Where’s your phone?”

He didn’t even sound tired, he was definitely still awake enough to come and get me. “I’m borrowing a, a friend’s phone. I left mine at my parents, long story. Can you come get me?”

Brendon was silent for a second before he bombarded me with questions, sounding alarmed. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Where are you? Are you safe?” He sounded like he might start panicking.

“Slow down Brendon, I’m okay now. I just need a place to stay tonight, I promise to explain everything when I see you.”

“Sure, yeah, I’m heading out of my house now, what’s the address?”

Oh, I hadn’t even thought of that. “Josh, what’s your address?” Josh gave me the directions and I relayed them to Brendon.

He paused for another moment. “Wait, are you at Josh Dun’s house?”

It was my turn to pause. “I don’t know.” I turn to Josh who was still sitting on the couch next to me. “Is your last name Dun?”

He tilts his head to the side like a dog would do. “Yes? Who are you talking to? Do they know me?”

“Brendon, how do you know Josh?”

“I know him from Guitar Center, I go in there all the time. I’ve been to his apartment with Dallon before. Are you okay waiting there? He isn’t trying anything is he?”

“No! No, he’s been great, he found me and brought me back to his place to get warm and made me hot chocolate, it’s all good.”

“Okay, I’m almost there now, I’ll knock when I get there.”

“Thanks Bren, see you soon.” Hanging up, I hand the phone back to a very confused and concerned looking Josh. “Do you know a Brendon Urie by any chance?”

A look of clarity crosses over Josh’s face. “Yeah, skinny dude, big mouth, even bigger forehead?” He asks while laughing.

“Yup, that’d be the one.” I agree while laughing along. “He said he’ll be here in a couple minutes. Thanks for offering to let me stay it’s just, I need to talk things out with Brendon right now. Not that you haven’t been hospitable and understanding, it’s just he’s gone through this and...”

“It’s alright, I’m glad you had someone to call. But, while we’re being honest, no, I don’t understand what you’re going through what with being kicked out, but I came out as bisexual to my parents two years ago and it does get better.”

I couldn’t help the look of shock that erupted over my face. “They disapprove too?”

“Well, they just didn’t understand. It was definitely rocky and very awkward afterwords, but they realized that I’m still their son, nothing about me has changed. I still dress like a dumb punk kid, I still listen to my music too loud and play my drums even louder. I’m still me, it’s just that I like girls _and_  guys. They took some time, but they came around eventually. I’m sure once your parents realize that you’re still you, they’ll see it’s no big deal that you’d rather date guys than girls. My advice though, don’t get caught making out with your significant other, that shits embarrassing with girls or guys no matter what.”

I couldn’t hold back a laugh and neither could Josh, his eyes crinkling and the tip of his tongue trapped between his teeth. When I caught my breath, I stared at Josh for a moment before leaning forward for a hug. I almost didn’t expect him to hug back but he did, warm and filled with kindness. “Thank you, for everything, really. I don’t know how to repay you.”

Josh leaned back and put his hand on my knee. “Don’t worry about it. Just be your true self, no matter what others think of you. Stay your funny, talented self and that’ll be enough for me.”

It was right then that Brendon knocked on the door and Josh went to open it, shaking Brendon’s hand before letting him in.

“Hey Ty, you alright?”

I stood up from the couch and hugged Brendon, “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank for coming to get me B.”

“Hey,” he stepped back and ran a hand through my hair, giving me the once over with his eyes, probably fearing the worst and looking for bruises or cuts, “don’t mention it. Let’s get going, you need sleep.”

“Yeah okay, if you wanna go start the car, I’ll be right there.” He nodded his head and went to go outside, but not before thanking Josh for finding me and taking me in. Josh turned to me after Brendon walked out and I stepped forward to give him one more hug. “Thank you, seriously.”

“Yeah, of course.” I went to shake off his coat that I was still wearing to hand it back to him before he reached out to stop me. “Nah, you need it tonight. You hang onto it.”

“How will I give it back to you?”

“Hang on.” Josh disappeared around the corner to the kitchen and came back with a piece of paper. “Here’s my number. I know you don’t have your phone right now, but when you get it back or even just using Brendon’s, just let me know you’re okay, and you can give it back when you don’t need it anymore.”

“Alright.” I give one more quick hug and then back out the door. “Goodnight Josh.” I say waving as I walk towards Brendon’s waiting car.

“Goodnight Tyler.” he waves back before turning and closing the door behind himself.

I can’t help but silently thank Josh again for his jacket as it feels like its suddenly gotten even colder than before. I’ll have to find a way to make it up to him, and I know I’ll wanna see him again.

Brendon has the heat cranked all the way up in the car and the radio quietly playing in the background. “You wanna talk about it or wait til morning?”

“It’s almost morning now.” I joke looking at him with dead tired eyes.

“It’s not morning til you fall asleep first ya smart ass.”

“Better than bein’ a dumb ass.” I quip back followed by a yawn.

“Glad to know you haven’t lost your quick wit ya little shit.” He lightly punches me in the shoulder.

“I love you too, Bren.” It was a struggle to keep my eyes open on the way back to Brendon’s house, with the heat blasting, quiet music, and the smell and warmth of Josh still clinging to his jacket I had pulled tightly around me. I don’t fight the sleep anymore and drift off while Brendon drives through the early morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Pardon the lack of italics, this is my first time posting on here and I have no idea what I'm doing. Thanks to those in the comments that told me how to fix it for next time! (too lazy to fix it for this chapter) so for those who are confused, when you see a word like /this/ imagine italics for emphasis...EMPHASIS. Had to put the Drake and Josh reference just there haha  
> EDIT #2: I decided to go back and fix the italics situation, it was bothering me


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and good vibes guys :) I plan on continuing this fic so long as the ideas keep coming to me and don't worry, I have a few lined up for now. Enjoy!

"Tyler?" I feel my shoulder being shaken. "Tyler, we're here."

My eyes still heavy from sleep, I take a tired glance out the car window. "Brendon, we're not at your house. Where-" I cut myself off when I recognize my surroundings. "Why are we in the Taco Bell drive-thru?"

" _Because_...it would appear you're having a shit night and there's nothing a little T-Bell can't fix. What do you want, we're next."

I groan from exhaustion and cuddle into the car seat further, but mumble my order anyways.

"Didn't catch that bud, gotta speak up if you want that BEEF AND CHEESE." Brendon practically screams in my ear.

I turn to glare at him, "I promise to wake up if you never mention that or any of the rest of that song ever again..."

"You wrote it Ty, don't blame me for singin'  _your_ song."

"I'll have two chalupas please and thank you," I grumble, rolling back over.

Brendon begins to hum 'hallelujah' under his breath and I growl, causing him to chuckle to himself. "Oh! You want something to drink? Baja?"

"Is that even a question?"

"You're right, what on earth was I thinking..."

  


When we got back to Brendon's house, I carry the food in while Brendon unlocks the door. I know to head straight to his room as his parents are probably dead asleep like most sane people would be. He quietly shuts the door behind us and sneaks into his room. "Alright, so what happened?"

"Bren, can't I take a bite of my damn food first?"

"Geez, yes, of course." I huff and unwrap my first chalupa and the  _moment_ I bite down, "So what happened?"

I just glare back with a mouthful of food as Brendon gives me his trademark shit-eating grin. I take my time chewing just to piss him off but he just waits, uncharacteristically patiently. I know there's no avoiding it so I sigh and begin talking. "My family was watching tv, and they showed a gay couple on tv, and they just started to spew bullshit about how gays shouldn't be  _broadcasted_ on tv, it's 'not normal' and then it got worse when the topic changed to gay marriage,"

"Yikes." Brendon interrupted.

"Yeah, so they start bitching about that, and I almost was able to keep my mouth shut, but then they agreed that gays shouldn't be allowed to have kids, that kids need both a mom and a dad to be functioning adults and all that. And you know me, B. I want a family, I want kids, and I'd love them no matter what."

"Mother Tyler."

"Yeah, sure. So I just kinda blurted out like, 'well what about me? I want kids one day, and you know that I'd raise them right, but guess what? I'm gay!'" I exclaim, extending my hands above my head for flair. "They all just kinda stared at me for a minute, probably shell shocked, before my dad was like, 'what? What do you mean? You're not gay, you've brought girls over, you played basketball.'"

Brendon scrunched up his face at that, "And? Having friends who are girls and playing sports automatically makes you heterosexual and unable to be gay?"

"According to my dad's logic, yeah. So I start  _trying_ to explain that just because I'm gay, doesn't mean any other part of me has changed. I'm still good at basketball, I still like to write and play music, I still want a family one day - it's just that I'll have to adopt...and that's when my mom walked out of the room and locked herself away in her bedroom crying, my dad screaming for me to get out, oh and my siblings just sitting there,  __ _watching_ , not saying a word in my defense. I figured my parents would be a little old school but Zach, Jay, and Maddie? I thought they would've been more open and accepting given they know about you and still like you."

"I mean, I think it's mostly got to do with my amazing personality and charm."

"Yes, because when people first meet you Bren, that's the first thing they notice, your amazing personality and charm."

He squints his eyes and points at my face, "I feel as though you're mocking me..."

"I would never..."I exclaim, voice dripping with sarcasm and an eyeroll for good measure.

"So basically, what I'm getting from this, is that you never intended to come out to your family, tonight anyways, and they didn't take it well, and you ended up running out of the house and ended up at Josh's house...?"

"Well, first I went and sat at the bridge freezing my ass off for over an hour before going to Josh's house. He found me there and metaphorically talked me off a ledge and brought me to his house and that's when I called you."

"So you didn't know Dun before tonight?"

"Nope," I say, popping the 'p'.

"Tyler Robert Joseph, don't you know talking to strangers and FOLLOWING THEM HOME is pretty much the  _best_ way to get murdered?"

"Yeah, I know, but he seemed nice." I laugh, playing with my fingernails. It really was a stupid thing to do but as it was mentioned before, tonight was a night for stupid decisions.

"You're lucky it was Josh, he's a good guy. Really cool."

"Yeah, he was super nice. How do you know him. Guitar Center you said?"

"Mm-hmm. I go in there all the time for stuff and we became friends, though we don't hang out too much outside of there because I see him so often at work. He's the one that introduced me to Dallon actually."

"Oh? How long have you guys been dating now?"

"Known each other for about a year, but officially about two months, which reminds me Ty, I gotta tell ya somethin'..." Brendon looked at me with a worried expression.

"Oh god, you're pregnant aren't you? B, I can't be a grandma, I'm too young!"

He punches me on the bicep, laughing, "yes, I'm pregnant with quadruplets and I need you to babysit all the time."

"Okay, but that literally sounds the worst." I say with a scrunched up face.

"You said you wanted kids one day!"

"Yeah, but one at a time maybe! And with a husband for fucks sake, I ain't doin' that shit alone!"

We both rolled back on his bed and laughed til we cried, both mentally picturing Brendon and I chasing after little Brendon clones, what a nightmare. But then Brendon sits up, wiping his tears from laughing and looks at me with a ok-let's-be-serious face. "For real though Ty, I do have something to tell you." He takes a deep breath, "I'm going on tour. Like a real tour, with a van and gigs lined up and everything."

At first, I was so incredibly excited for him. I know how hard he's been working and how much money he'd been saving to do something like this with his band. I've been to every local show and always believed in them. They formed right after Brendon met Dallon and a few of his friends and practiced hard ever since. They've made a name for themselves locally and it looks like now, they were finally going to be able to travel to different venues, spread their sound and hopefully, get picked up by some kind of label. And as much as I wanted to stay excited, I could feel a weight in my stomach as I realized what that meant, Brendon was leaving, and I'd have no place to stay. I couldn't let Brendon know that that thought ever crossed my mind and so my smile never left my face.

"Dude! Congrats!" I leaned forward to hug Brendon and he gripped me so hard it was difficult to breathe, but I held it there, it seemed like he needed it.

He leaned back, "Thanks! The first show isn't for another week so I've got a couple days to get my stuff together."

A week? My anxiety spiked thinking that even if Brendon let me stay with him until the day he left, I'd have to face my family sooner than I'd want to. As well as I thought I was keeping up with the facade, Brendon being the best friend that he was saw right through and could practically read my mind.

"Hey, it's okay. I'll see if I can talk to my parents and let you stay here while I'm gone. They need some kind of kid to make messes and yell at right?"

"Brendon, even if I did all that, they'd still see it as a vacation away from you."

"True. Can't replace the one and only." He smiled gesturing to himself. "But for real, if you don't wanna go back home, I'm sure they'll be cool with it."

"Nah Brendon, I can't do that. I feel like I'd be taking advantage of their kindness. I'll just have to look for my own place or something, get a job."

"What about college?" That thought hadn't crossed my mind yet. My parents paid for my schooling, schooling that I technically didn't even want to attend to in the first place. I denied the basketball scholarship because I didn't want to play anymore. It was never a passion, just something that I was good at and it made my dad proud. They were a little disappointed but they begged me to still go, that they'd pay for it, so long as I got a degree in something, they'd be happy. Now that I think about it, I've done a lot of that in my life, doing things to please my parents.

"I'll drop out I guess. I can't pay for it on my own. Maybe when I earn enough and have a place to live, I'll take some courses at the community college, at least get an associates; hopefully most of my credits will transfer."

Brendon hummed in agreement, but I could see he was doing an awful lot of worrying behind his eyes. "I'll be okay B, I'll figure something out. I just want you to have fun. And hey, promise me that when you get all famous, you won't forget about me?"

"Forget about you? Of course not! You'll always be my favorite groupie!" He said, ruffling my hair.

I push his hand away, "Hey! I wanna be your opening act one day!"

"Sure thing Ty, I promise. If you ever actually get the nerves to perform in front of people, the  _thousands_ of people that are going to be at  _my_ shows, then I'll make sure you can open for me."

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I tagged this fic as a slow build, yeah, most definitely a sloooow build haha I promise Josh will make a reappearance soon. Also, if you haven't heard the Taco Bell Saga before, please do, it's a masterpiece.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn’t even remember falling asleep last night. Brendon and I talked for a little while longer and somehow both ended up passing out on each other. I woke up to a slight snoring right in my ear, an arm draped across my chest and my legs tangled with his. As uncomfortable and sweaty as I was, I felt too exhausted to move. My foggy, sleep-filled mind started to clear however and the realization of last night's events came crashing down on me. I had been kicked out of my home, I would _hopefully_  be allowed to crash with Brendon for a week before he left, I am going to have to drop out of college and find somewhere to live and get a job. That’s a hell of a lot of reality for this early in the morning. As much as I wish I could stop the tears from forming, they happened all the same, silently rolling down my cheeks. What was I going to do? Where am I going to go? The constricting feeling in my chest and throat worsened as my brain continued to dwell on these questions. I did my best to stifle a sob so as not to wake Brendon but it crept out even with my hand clutching my mouth shut. Brendon shuffled next to me and through sleepy eyes glanced up at my face. I clenched my eyes shut but not before seeing his expression turn from tired to panicked.

“Hey...hey, it’s okay Tyler. It’s okay...” I was immediately wrapped into Brendon’s embrace and held tightly. “You’re alright, we’ll figure this out.” I felt selfish for crying, for my friend having to take care of me telling me everything would be okay. If I hadn’t had yelled at my parents last night, this all would’ve been avoided. Brendon could be celebrating his tour and not waking up to a _child_  crying next to him to take care of and worry over. He shouldn’t have to help me ‘figure out’ anything, it’s all my fault.

He continued to shush me and run a hand through my hair until I calmed down to even breaths, a stray tear falling every so often. “I’m sorry.” I finally squeak out.

“What do you have to be sorry for?’

“For calling you so late last night to come get me, you having to bring me home with you and waking you up by me _sobbing_  like a child. For making you worry over me.”

Brendon looked almost offended. “Tyler, listen to me.” He sat up and pulled me up to meet his eyes. “You are my absolute _best_  friend. I would do anything for you. I would kick Satan in the taint for you.”

I laugh through my nose, “You and Satan are like this,” I hold my twisted fingers up to show a close bond, “he wouldn’t mind.”

Brendon chuckles, “You’re right. Something more serious...I’d turn down an offer to be Johnny Depp’s sugar baby for you.”

“I never knew you cared about me that much before...” I joke.

“My point is, you’re not a burden, you’re not an inconvenience. You’re someone I will always drop anything for, someone I’d always come find to help at a moments notice. I love ya Ty.”

“If you don’t stop with that I’m going to start crying again.”

“Don’t, that’s like, super gay.” I shove him in the shoulder and he just cracks a big smile at me. “How about we get some breakfast and make a game plan for today okay?” Nodding my head, we get up and head to the kitchen where Brendon’s mom is making pancakes.

“Morning boys! I heard Brendon rush out late last night and you two ‘sneaking’,” she uses her fingers to make air quotes, “in and figured you’d wake up eventually and want breakfast.”

“Thanks Mrs. Urie.” I say sheepishly, I hadn’t realized how loud we’d been. She dishes out pancakes to the both of us and Brendon gets to work, loading his with syrup, as if the boy needs more sugar...

“Tyler honey, did Brendon tell you the good news?” Her eyes light up and she wears a grin from ear to ear, one that I recognized on Brendon when he got super excited.

“About the tour? Yeah, I’m stoked. We all knew it’d happen, our little Brenny makin’ it big.” I say, clapping him on the shoulder.

Brendon looked up from his plate, mouth impossibly full, “we haffn’t ma’ it big yet, we on ow’ way vo.”

“Brendon! That’s disgusting, don’t talk with your mouth full.” His mom scolds.

"So'wy" He swallows what’s in his mouth and hesitates to take his next bite. He looks at me with an expression like, ‘do you want me to ask now? Get it over with?’ I nod, realizing we’d have to ask his mom about me staying for the next week sooner than later. His mom has her back turned and he mouths to me, ‘should we tell her the reason?’ I shake my head quickly, eyes wide in fear. It’s not that I don’t want her knowing I’m gay, hell, Brendon is and she accepts him. I just don’t need more people knowing that I’m technically homeless and have her fret over me like her son already does.

“Hey mom?” She hums in acknowledgment. “Would it be alright if Tyler stays til I leave?”

“Yeah, that’d be fine. Tyler, that’s an awful long time to spend with Brendon, you sure you can handle it?” She asks with a smile.

“Yes, I won’t be with him the whole time, I’ve still got class," a lie, "and he’s got practice I’m sure. But I’m gonna miss this little S.O.B. over here.” I didn’t want to cuss in front of his mom.

“Well then I’m fine with it; longer than a week though and I’ll have to assign you some chores!”

I smile at her kindness, “Yes ma’am.”

 

After breakfast, Brendon let’s me take a shower and borrow some of his clothes. It helps that we’re both super lanky, they fit pretty well. We decide that with today being a Sunday, my family will be at church throughout the late morning and go out to eat with their friends after, just as they’ve done every Sunday since I was a kid. That’s our window to go to my house and grab whatever of my things I could carry and shove in Brendon’s car. Wanting as much time as possible, the two of us sit in his car just down the street, waiting to see my family drive past. We duck down when they approach and as soon as they’re out of sight, Brendon moves his car to my driveway and we book it up the sidewalk. I find the spare key hidden under the fake rock like always and unlock the door. I head straight up to my room first and the moment my feet cross the threshold, I freeze. The gravity of what I’m about to do hits me like a tidal wave on the shore of a pond. This will possibly be the last time I’m in this room. The last time I’m in this house even. I’d like to hope my parents would come around and we could at least be cordial to each other, but a hope like that could kill me in the end if it never happens. Brendon is right behind me to shake me from my thoughts.

“I already went to the bathroom and got your meds for you. You take them once a day right?” He doesn’t even wait for me to answer before shaking one out of the bottle. “Here, you haven’t had one yet today, it’ll help your nerves.” How could I have been so stupid earlier as to question Brendon like I did? To think that he would see me as a burden; he knows about my anxiety and medication and he pays attention to my needs. Where the hell would I be without him?

“Thanks.” After I dry swallow the pill, a sad thought comes to me. My parents pay for my meds, who knows when I’ll be able to pay to get these filled again. Thank god I just got a fresh bottle last week. “I’m going to have to ration those, until I can save money to pay for them myself.”

Brendon looks at the bottle and then back to me, understanding what I meant. “Well you’ll definitely need one today so don’t feel bad about taking one.” He looks around the room and takes a deep breath in and out. “Let’s get started I guess.”

I try to rationalize what I can and can’t bring with me. As much as I wished to pack up my whole bedroom, Brendon’s car didn’t have the trunk space, and I didn’t want his mom getting suspicious. Clothes were an obvious choice and they didn’t take up that much room. I’m more of a ‘have a few good outfits and wear them all the time’ kind of guy. Next was my music collection. Thank god most of my stuff was all on my computer and iPod, I don’t know how I would’ve carried all my albums to Brendon’s car, though I probably would’ve tried anyways. The thought of music made me look to my keyboard. There was no way I was going to be able to take it with me. Even if we strapped it to the roof of Brendon’s car, his mom would surely realize something was up. I got up off the floor and walked slowly to the keyboard, running my fingers on the keys. My throat began to constrict again and I coughed to dislodge the tightening and the sad thoughts, ‘no more tears’ I told myself. The notebook that I wrote all my song ideas in was sitting on my end table. Now that I could take with me. No way in hell I was leaving that behind. If I couldn’t _play_  music for a while, that was saddening, but I was definitely going to be _writing_  my frustrations and emotions into music while I could.

Brendon had apparently said something that I had missed and looked to me when I didn’t respond, seeing me standing melancholy next to my keyboard. He stood up from where he was seated packing my clothes to give me a hug and rub my back. He let go and stood back, “You’ll get another one Ty – a better one. When I make my millions from being a certified rockstar, I’ll buy you whatever damn piano you want.”

It wasn’t just the fact that I’d be without a piano for awhile, it was also that this is the one my mom bought me. It was Christmas a few years back and she told me she didn’t know what to get me and bought me this keyboard. To be honest, I didn’t touch it for months until boredom got the best of me. When I realized just what I could do with it, there was no keeping me away. I discovered that when I was happy, I wanted to play a song. When I was stressed, it helped me relax. When I was angry, I’d get my frustrations out by slamming on the keys until everything made sense. Being able to play was one thing, but it opened up the idea for writing lyrics to go along with my music. Since then, music is what made things easier to deal with, understand, and connect with others. It was going to hurt not being able to take it with me, but maybe it was for the best. I won’t ever stop playing the piano, but a clean break from _this_  one and the person who gave it to me might be the best option for now.

“Thanks Bren, I’ll remember that.”

In the end, we packed Brendon’s car with as many of my things as it would allow. We only had a few more minutes of safety before we had to leave and my family would be coming home. I took one more glance around my room and tried to take a few mental snapshots. I spotted my phone still sitting on the charger where I left it and grabbed that as well. In a moment of weakness, I checked to see if my family tried calling me, or texting me even, just to see if I was alright. None from my parents, but a barrage of texts and missed calls from my siblings, mostly Zach. I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or angry. Not one damn sign that my parents cared, but the others left me all kinds of ‘where are you, come home, we’re sorry’ messages. I guess I couldn’t _really_ be that upset with them yesterday. It did all happen real fast and my dad was starting to get scary with his yelling. I never once feared for my safety, but I’m sure my siblings had all kinds of terrible thoughts going through their heads.

I went to my desk drawer and pulled out a piece of paper and decided to write them a note. They could share it with my parents if they felt like it or keep it to themselves if they’d rather. I jotted down a few lines of ‘I’m sorry you had to see that last night. I’m sorry I didn’t come home to let you guys know I’m okay. I’ll find a place to stay and I have my phone on me unless mom and dad get rid of my number, you can always call. I won’t be coming back, not until our parents accept me for who I am. If they don’t want all of me, they get none of me. I’m sorry.’ Placing the note under Zach’s pillow, I turn on my heel and head downstairs. Brendon has started the car to warm it up and in case we need to make a fast get away. I glance back at my childhood home one last time, picturing the creek around back we used to play in, the tree house that still stands in the backyard, and the memories that I can’t decide if I want to hold onto dearly or let slip away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Joshler aspect of this fic is moving super slow you guys, but it'll be here before ya know it. I hope you guys are liking the friendship between Tyler and Brendon though! We'd all love a friend like Brendon


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reintroduction of Josh (finally)!

Brendon and I decided that when we got back to his parent’s house, we’d only unload a few of my things so as not to raise any alarms. Later in the day, when the coast was clear, we dragged the rest of my stuff into his room. I started to sort through everything again now that I had more time and no feeling of dread that my family could walk in at any minute. Knowing it would take some time to really rummage through, I didn’t want to bore Brendon so I told him he could go practice with his band while I stayed behind, that I’d catch up later maybe.

“You positive?” He paused, unsure if he should say the rest of what he was thinking, “Will you be okay?” It was a polite way of asking ‘are you sure you’ll be alright alone as you sort through all of your belongings that you had to sneak out of your old _home_  and promise you won’t have another break down?’ At least that’s how I interpreted it, though he’d never actually say something like that.

“Yes Bren, I’ll be okay. You need to go practice anyways right? Less than a week til your first show now, don’t wanna blow it.”

“Thanks for the pep talk Tyler. You’re the best.” He deadpanned.

“You know I’m gonna go to the first one right? Gotta see _my man_  crush it on stage for everyone.”

Brendon smiled, “I might even let you hang out back stage, ya know, meet the band.”

“You really mean it?” I gasped dramatically.

“Sure, just don’t get any ideas about the bass player, he’s taken” Brendon said, winking.

“Nah man,” I hold up my hands defensively, “we’re good.”

Brendon stood from his spot on his bed, “Alright, so I guess I’ll see you later?”

“Later dude.”

 

It was sort of cathartic sorting through my belongings. I kept what I’d either get the most use out of or couldn’t bear to get rid of, but I’d managed to make a pile of things I could possibly sell. ‘Have to make that rent money somehow,’ I thought. While moving my pile of clothes off the bed, I noticed an unfamiliar jacket in the mix and it dawned on me that it was Josh’s that he let me borrow. I dropped what was in my hands and sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed the coat. It really was a stroke of luck that someone as nice as Josh found me last night, and how kind he had been. I remembered that he had written down his number for me to text him, let him know that I was alright.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my phone.

**You: hey Josh, it’s Tyler. I just wanted to send you a text, let you know I’m okay. Brendon is letting me stay with him for now. thanks again for helping me out yesterday**

I pocketed my phone and went back to putting away my things. When I felt a vibration in my pocket, I saw that Josh had texted me back and saved his number.

**Josh: good to hear from ya man. I like Brendon a lot, he’s a great friend, Dallon seems to really like him. how’d you get your phone? did you see your family?**

**You: no, I snuck in when they all were out of the house today and grabbed all my things. I’m sorting through them now, kinda depressing really.**

Why was I telling him all this? I didn’t need to burden him with anything. Before I could question it further, I got another text.

**Josh: got it. that sucks dude, it’s slow at work right now, you wanna stop by?**  
**Josh: you don’t have to, but if you need a distraction, we can hang out**

His kindness made me smile. I looked around Brendon’s room and realized that getting out and distracting myself might be good for a mental health break.

**You: yeah sure, is it the one downtown? I’ll bring your jacket, I haven’t forgotten haha**

**Josh: yup! and you better not forget, it’s one of my favorites! see you soon?**

**You: yeah, I’ll be omw in a few**

 

The walk downtown wasn’t that far from Brendon’s but it certainly felt longer with the cold breeze raking across my body. I did my best to hide my face in my coat and with the hood pulled up, it was bearable. I looked up into the dark gray sky and even though we should have another hour or so of sunlight, it was verging on pitch black. We’d surely get some kind of storm tonight though snow or rain, you can never be too sure. Either way, the walk back would suck but it’d be worth it to take my mind off of everything by hanging out with someone for a few hours.

I practically jogged the rest of the way when the sign for the store came into sight, quite surprised and proud of myself that I didn’t slip or fall. The front door chimed letting the employees know someone had entered but the store looked completely empty. I checked the time on my phone and then the hours on the door. Oh, that made sense, they’d have to close soon and everyone probably didn’t want to be on the road when the storm hit. Why would Josh invite me to hang out at his work when I’d have to leave so soon after getting here?

Pulling my hood down, I could hear the absolute pounding of drums coming from around the corner of the empty store. Either someone was playing their music real loud on the store’s speakers or someone was testing out a kit _really hard_ and knew what they were doing. I followed the sound to see Josh going crazy on the drums. He was flinging his head back and forth, losing himself in the sound. His arms were a blur and legs going just as fast on the kick drum. Whatever song he was playing, he was _crushing_  it. Not wanting to interrupt, I stood back a few feet and just watched, marveling at Josh’s passion. Somewhere in the song, Josh opened his eyes and saw me, abruptly stopping. He was out of breath but still let out a shaky laugh.

“Oh, hey, I didn’t even hear you come in.”

I chuckled, “No, I wouldn’t think you’d hear anything above that ruckus.” I teased.

Josh laughed and grabbed a towel he had waiting off to the side to wipe the sweat off his face and back of his neck. In doing this, he stretched his arm back, bicep pulling tight and oh, ‘not the time Tyler, relax.’ That casual warning faded when my eyes took in the rest of Josh’s appearance. I know that I noticed how attractive he was when I first saw him on the bridge but to be fair, my mind was a little preoccupied to really notice details. Now that it was more clear, I could take in all of it and wow, hot damn, Josh was good looking. His sweaty, (faded pink or red maybe?) curls were tucked under a snap back. He had gauges and a nose ring, shit. He was still smiling with perfect all-white teeth and a day or two worth of stubble, fuck. And then down and down my eyes went soaking in the rest. Broad shoulders, strong arms (one of them colored with a full sleeve, fuck yes), and calloused hands, goddammit. ‘Easy boy, chill,’ I had to say on repeat to myself inside my head.

Josh thankfully shook me from my thoughts, “Sorry I didn’t hear you come in, can’t go into beast mode when the customers are in here.” He and I laughed softly, him still being slightly out of breath. “I figured it was almost closing time and it’s supposed to storm later, people usually stay away.”

“Nah, you’re fine. And yeah, it’s getting pretty nasty out.”

“Wait, did you walk here?” Josh asked, brow furrowing in concern.

“Yeah, no car. It’s okay though, it’s not that far.” I try to sound nonchalant.

“Oh Tyler, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I wouldn’t have made you walk if I had known. I’ll give you a ride back later, no arguing.” He said in a mock-stern voice.

“Yes sir.” I replied with a salute. “Oh, here’s your jacket, as promised.”

“Thanks! I’m about finished up here, I already counted the till, I didn’t think I’d be getting any more customers tonight so, yeah, just gotta clock out and we can go. I was thinking we could pick up a pizza and maybe play some video games or something back at my place. Unless you had any other ideas…?” He offered.

“No, no that sounds perfect. I uh, I appreciate you offering to hang with me. Bren has been awesome but I don’t wanna keep him from his band either. They’re going on tour ya know, next week is their first show.”

“Yeah! Dallon was telling me,” Josh walked us to the front of the store where he clocked out and shut off the lights, leading us outside and locking up behind us, “that sounds sick. They’re gonna have so much fun.” It’s starting to drizzle outside, teetering on the border of freezing rain. We rush to a black, older model sports car and Josh gets in first, manually unlocking my door from the inside so I could get in.

How would Josh know they're gonna have fun? Is he just assuming or?...“Wait, don’t tell me you used to tour in a band...” I look over at Josh once I sit down and start to buckle in, Josh messing with getting the heat going.

“Yeah, back in the day. We got pretty good, good enough to travel and play different festivals and all that, but I don’t know, I couldn’t get super involved in it. I was friends with all of the guys, that wasn’t the problem, it was more like creative differences. They all liked a more structured sound where, as you saw in there,” Josh thumbs to the store we’re driving away from, “I like to go a bit nuts sometimes, just bust out with sound and feeling, less about a persistent rhythm.”

“You did kinda look like Animal from the Muppets.” I admit out loud and it makes Josh gut-laugh. I turn my head to see him, eyes crinkled at the corners and oh wow that’s cute. I want to mentally slap myself across the face. Tyler, now is not the time to catch feelings. He’s just trying to be your friend.

“I’ve somehow never heard that before. I can see it I guess.” He says pulling and playing with his faded hair. “I’d like to think I have a _little_ more style though.” I shrug my shoulders, offering a ‘meh’ and he rolls his eyes. We pull into a pizza place and Josh tells me to wait in the car so he can keep it running with the heat going. Don’t have to tell me twice.

With pizza in hand, we drive back to Josh’s apartment and I offer to carry the food inside. He pulls out some paper plates and grabs a couple of red bulls. “This okay?” He asks holding out a can for me to take.

“I mean, I was really hoping for your most expensive bottle of champagne but this’ll do I suppose,” I joke.

“Hey, these things aren’t cheap but I do have to feed my sugar addiction. And you might need the extra energy, I’m totally gonna kick your butt at Mario Kart.”

I smile to myself, “Oh Josh, you have it all wrong.” He looks confused for a second, “it’ll be _you_  who will need all the help they can get.”

“Challenge accepted Tyler…?”

“Joseph,” I supply. “Your ass is about to get beat by Tyler Joseph.”

“You’re on.”

 

I had to hand it to Josh, he put up quite the fight. He would come in a close second every game except one where he beat me, though I’m calling bullshit on two counts – blue shells are a bitch, and Josh swatted the controller out of my hand right before the finish line. After switching to Smash Bros, I guess he thought it’d be even more of a fair fight but he hasn’t dealt with me yet, a college student who is the best at finding ways to procrastinate, such as becoming a master at Melee. He only lasted six rounds before he threw his controller down, groaning in frustration. My smug little self sat there with a shit grin on my face until Josh looked over, read my expression, and put on his best pouty face. I busted into a laugh and shoved his shoulder playfully.

“Dude, I’m sorry, but you can’t beat me.”

An idea had formed in his brain and he slowly turned to me, eyes sparkling with mischief. My stomach dropped because I had no clue what he was planning. Before I had a moment to process, he threw his whole weight on me and wrestled me to the ground. Having two other brothers, I wasn’t an easy fight by any means, but in the end, Josh straddled my hips, and had my hands locked above my head. I tried to buck and thrash but to no avail, Josh had a few years and a few pounds on me. When my brain caught up with the moment and I realized the compromising position I was in pinned under Josh, it took everything I had not to break into a deep blush. I prayed to anyone that was listening to  _please_ let me not pop a boner; there's no recovering from that embarrassment. Thank god for skinny jeans.

“Alright, alright, I give. You’re stronger. Can I sit up now?” Josh leaned back on his heels so I could get in a sitting position in front of him. “Happy?”

“Yes,” he said with a half smile, “very. My pride was hurtin’, you’re just too good at video games Ty, I had to beat you at _something_.”

“Well, you’ve got me beat in the life skills department. A good job, car, place to live, and you make a mean cup of hot chocolate, I’d say you’re doing alright.”

“Oh,” Josh says reflexively, deep in thought. I stare at him for a few seconds before he speaks again. “You don’t have a place to live?”

I look down and shake my head, “I’m gonna stay with Brendon til he leaves, then I’m not sure what I’m gonna do yet. Cross that bridge when I get there I guess, ‘yeah, six days away’ my mind supplies negatively.

Josh tosses around an idea silently for a moment before speaking up, “You could stay here if you wanted? I have a spare room.”

My head snaps up to Josh, seeing that he is totally serious. “What?”

“Yeah, my roommate moved out about a month ago and I haven’t found the time to look for someone new to help with rent. I’m okay on my own, but I do miss having someone else here. Helps with bills and all that too.”

It almost seemed too good to be true. “You’re absolutely positive? I don’t want to impose...”

“Yeah, it’s no problem. All I ask is that you don’t smoke in here, clean up after yourself, and help with bills.”

“For sure!” I can feel my chest bubbling with excitement. The dark reality of having no where to go dissipated from my mind and the idea of having a new place to live made me want to scream. Instead I lunged forward and hugged Josh as hard as I could. “You won’t regret this, I promise. I’ll start looking for a job right away.”

Josh leaned back, “Alright cool. He had to leave behind his bed and dresser so you can use those. I’m glad I never sold them.”

“That’s great. I already planned on staying with Brendon til he left so maybe this Friday I can bring my stuff over?”

“Yeah, I can help you move it over if you need a car, I’ve actually got next weekend off if you can believe it.”

“Sick. That’s perfect. I’ll look for a job in the meantime.”

“Don’t rush it Ty, I already paid rent this month so whenever is fine.”

“Thanks Jishwa.”

He tilted his head at me, “Already with the nicknames Ty-guy?”

I nodded with a smile at him playing along, “Yup!”

“Alright, I’m fine with it I guess. What I’m not cool with is losing all but one game tonight,”

“Which you cheated on.” I interrupt.

“That’s besides the point. Come on, one more round.” He hands me the controller and starts the game back up again.

“Whatever you say Jish.”

 

We played video games, talked, and pigged out on junk food until well into the evening, almost early morning. I checked my phone to see a few texts from Brendon.

**Bren: where are ya man? still wanting to come hang with me and the guys?**  
**Bren: Ty? Hellloooo**  
**Bren: Tyler Robert Joseph, you answer me young man, where the hell are you. you're not at home and it's almost midnight, don't make me come find you.**

"Aww shit, I forgot to text Brendon I was with you."

Josh checked his phone and saw the time. “Oh wow, okay, I’ll drive you home, let me get my shoes.”

I send Brendon a quick text.

**You: sorry man, I texted Josh about getting his jacket back to him and then him and I have been hanging out this whole time, I’m sorry to worry you, he’s driving me home now.**

I get an immediate reply.

**Bren: unless you’d rather stay the night thereee… ;)**

I roll my eyes at his assumptions.

**You: no, just bros bein bros. I’ll be there in a little bit**

**Bren: you’re no fun, fine, I’ll let you in when you get here, but I want all the details!!**

**You: you’re readin wayyy too much into this B**

**Bren: or am I?? why are you gettin all defensive HMMM???**

I blush because dammit, he knows me so well

**You: okay, so he’s cute and kind and super nice, sue me**

**Bren: I FUCKING KNEW IT. TYLER HAS A CRUSH. OH BOY, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN…**

**You: can you stop shouting in all caps?? he’ll hear you**

**Bren: *whispers* sorry…**

“Ty, you ready to go?” I glance up from my phone to nod, shoving on my shoes and coat and then we’re in the car on the way to Brendon’s after I give him the directions.

When we get there, I take a second to turn to Josh, “Thanks again for hanging out with me today and offering to let me move in. I’ll honestly have to find a way to make it up to you, and I have _no_  idea how.” I laugh nervously.

“Don’t mention it. I had fun, I can see us being great friends.” Oh, _friends_. Of course, you just met yesterday Tyler, slow down would ya? I made sure my face showed no signs of dejection.

“Definitely.” Something in the window caught my eye and I could see Brendon spying out on us, shit. Josh caught sight of what I was looking at.

“Is that Brendon watching us?”

“Yes, that would be him. Don’t pay attention to him though, he feeds on it.”

Josh just laughed lightly and gave me a goodbye hug. “I’ll see you around Ty, text me any time and if I don’t see you, I guess I’ll see you Friday?”

“Yeah, for sure. And hey, before then, practice your Mario Kart skills? I want a challenge when I move in.” I say playfully.

Josh rolls his eyes and huffs out in exaggeration, “To get on your level, you might not be able to move in til next year but sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

I laugh through my nose and exit the car, giving one last wave and walk up towards the front door. Josh waits until he sees me walk in before driving off, ever the gentleman. I have not even three seconds before Brendon is right in my face.

“Okay Tyler, spill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, first hints of Joshler. I'm glad I could get this chapter out there, the connection has been made, the spark has been ignited, here we go....I'm still gonna go tortuously slow tho, ya know, for effect haha


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brendon gets nosey, but what else is new. Tyler discovers something that displeases him. Josh is none the wiser.

“So let me get this straight,” Brendon starts before he pauses to collect his thoughts, “you walk nearly three miles in the freezing-ass cold, to meet up with Josh, where you then realize ‘shit, this guy is fuckin’ hot’, let him drive you back to _his place_ , where you ‘hang out’,” he uses his fingers to make air quotes as if there’s an underlying message to the truth, “and then I’m supposed to believe that that was all you guys were doing when you wouldn’t answer my texts?”

“I’m almost positive I put it much more eloquently than that but, pretty much, yeah. I don’t know how many times I’ll have to tell you before you believe me.”

“I can’t believe you! You came in all frazzled and blushing!” Brendon accused.

I scoff at him, “That’s because you were spying on us looking out the window! AND waiting to pounce on me when I walked through the door!”

“I wanted to make sure you kids were being safe.” He said matter-of-factly.

I groan in annoyance, “Brendon, for the _last time_ , nothing happened.” Actually, wait, I hadn’t mentioned the new roommate thing to him yet, shit. “Hang on, I guess something happened, but not in the way you’re thinking...”

Brendon sat silently, waiting for me with one eyebrow cocked, skeptical expression ever present.

I take a deep breath, “He asked me to move in with him.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I slam my eyes shut, waiting for the explosion of a response from Brendon. When nothing happened, I slowly open one of my eyes and just see him sitting there, buzzing in his seat, grin growing ever wider and wider until-

“TYLER! You little shit, you got a sugar daddy!”

I immediately shake my head as fast as I can, denying Brendon’s words. “No, no. He hasn’t bought me anything, there’s nothing sexual-”

“Yet...” Brendon interrupted.

I squint my eyes at him, “Look, he even said so before I got out of the car just now, ‘I can see us being great friends,’” quoting Josh, “nothings gonna happen.”

“That you know of yet. So he hasn’t bought you diamond rings or clothes yet or anything?”

“Sorry to burst your bubble of a fantasy about Josh being my sugar daddy but, no. He bought us a pizza to split and gave me a can or two of red bull if that does anything for ya.” I offer.

“So not quite a sugar daddy, more like a splenda daddy – a wannabe sugar daddy.”

“Okay, that’s actually pretty funny. Sure, you can call him that.” He and I look at each other and start laughing.

“In all seriousness though Ty, when are you moving in with him? I leave in a few days.”

“I know. He’s helping me move my stuff over on Friday. I know you’re gonna be busy practicing with the first show being the next night, I didn’t wanna bug you.”

“Sure, if you need help, let me know.”

I yawn and check the time. “Shit, it’s late. I gotta go job hunting tomorrow. Do you mind if I go to bed? Lord knows you’ll be up for a while longer right?” I shimmy further down into Brendon’s bed and under the covers as he checks his phone.

“Yeah, that’s cool. I’m gonna go call Dallon real quick.”

I lift my head from the pillow to look confusingly at Brendon, “Didn’t you just see him, like, a couple hours ago?”

He just huffed and smiled at me, patting my head like a child, “Clearly you don’t know how relationships work, Ty. It’s honestly adorable, your naivety.”

Grumbling at his words, I roll over and mutter a short, “Night,” before he chuckles and leaves the room, letting me sleep.

 

I wake up later than I wanted to, but still early enough to have all day searching for jobs. I realized I should be getting ready for class right now, but couldn’t get myself to care. It was sort of freeing in a way, to do what I’d wanted to do instead of what I knew my parents expected of me. It was the first class I’ve ever skipped in my entire schooling career and it was so, _so_  liberating. I’ll have to remember to call the admin office today and officially drop out, hopefully I won’t have to go in. The very thought spikes my anxiety and reflexively I reach for my medication. My hand freezes and hovers over the bottle. I need to save these. I won’t be able to afford a new script any time soon. The idea comes to me of breaking all the pills in half, lengthening the amount of days I can have them but hoping half a dose each time will suffice. At this time and place in my life, it’ll have to do.

After getting up to get a drink to take half a capsule, I noticed Brendon passed out on his bed next to where I was laying. Thank god this morning went better than yesterday, I’d hate to wake him up with me sobbing twice in a row. I decided that if I wanted to get going, I’d better shower and find something to wear. Maybe Brendon would be awake by then and drop me off downtown so I wouldn’t have to walk again. I’d rather find a job down there so I could carpool with Josh or be at least within walking distance of his (was it too soon to say our?) apartment.

I hadn’t realized how grubby I was until standing under the hot stream. Letting my muscles relax under the heat, I could feel the tension and stress wash down from my head, shoulders, arms, and then cascade off my fingertips. After a few minutes of de-stressing, I washed my hair and body then got out to find some clothes. What I had from my collection was limited but decent enough to go meet some potential employers, I wouldn’t be working at a law firm for god sakes but I couldn’t look like a bum either, even though the thought of sweatpants and a hoodie sounded perfect right about now.

I caught sight of the light snowfall outside, melting as soon as it hit the ground. I could never decide if I like this part of the year or not. The sun on my skin felt good after months of being stuck in the house during winter. But the world could never seem to decide to gradually get warmer. You were constantly getting false hopes as it would be dry and warm one day, then freezing and muddy with rain or melted snow the next. No matter what, underneath it all, good days and bad, better days were coming. The back and forth won’t last; spring would arrive eventually, you just have to hold your head up, know there’s a hopeful undertone if you will.

As I was messing though my clothes to figure out what to wear, Brendon stirred on the bed and woke up with a groan – exhausted no doubt.

I seize the moment to jump on top of his sleeping form and shake his shoulder. I’m gonna need him semi-coherent if he’s going to drive me around soon. “Hey, wake up B.” All I hear is a grumble. “What was that?” I lean in to listen better. “You were up all night talking to your love, Dallon, and only slept a few hours and now you’re paying the price for it? Who would’ve guessed.”

He shifts his weight to kick me off and stare me down, a _very_  unamused expression on his face. “You’ll understand someday Joseph.”

“Pssh...yeah, okay.” I let out sarcastically.

He blinks a few times, trying to rid the sleep from his eyes as they turn from dead tired, to one of sympathy. “Hey Ty, I uh, gotta tell ya something Dallon told me last night on the phone.”

My stomach drops through the floor. “What?” I ask, voice full of caution. Had they broken up? No, he would’ve woken me up for that. Was the tour off? I don’t think that could be it either, he would’ve been way more upset and less sympathetic looking. No, this had to do with me. I could feel it.

“Dallon told me Josh has a girlfriend, Debby something I think.” Oh...oh. That shouldn’t matter right? It’s not like me and Josh were anything. We were new friends and going to be roommates, nothing more, no matter how much Brendon teased.

I tried to keep the look of disappointment off my face but nothing slipped past Brendon. “Ty, I’m sorry. I know I was razzing you before but now I feel bad.”

I try to brush it off, “Nah, it’s just a crush. He said we’re friends anyway, and I’d be way too chicken to actually try anything with him anyways, I never could make the first move.” I try to laugh it off and Brendon just sends me a sympathy smile. “I’m just wondering why he never mentioned her before?”

“Did the topic come up?”

“Well, no,” I admit, “But you never shut up about Dallon, maybe he’s more of a private person?”

“Tyler, everyone is more private than me. Can’t keep my mouth shut, you know that.”

“Not unless you have it shut around Dallon’s dick,” I joke. Crass humor is one of my specialties and Brendon’s favorite trait of mine.

He began to gut laugh til he cried. “You do have some comedic timing Ty!” He wipes a tear from his eye. “Man, that’s funny. Anyways, Dallon did say it was a really new relationship, like been talking for two weeks, maybe been on one or two dates. But I just wanted to let you know, it may get more serious as time goes on, I don’t want you getting your heart broken.” He rests his hand on my shoulder as a sign of comfort.

“It’s all good man. I’ll be fine.” I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. “Speak of the devil...”

**Josh: hey dude. I know you said you were goin job hunting soon. my friend Hayley says that her job is hiring. its forever 21 if thats alright with you, “customer service representative” she says, so basically a cashier who also folds clothes after people destroy the piles you just put together. if I have to hear that story from her one more time…**

His words make me laugh out loud and Brendon cocks an eyebrow at me. After sending a quick reply, I relay the text to him, “will you drive me there today so I can fill out an app?”

Brendon just stretches real big and curls back up into his covers, “just five more minutes mom...” followed closely by a squeak of shock as I rip the blankets from him and smack his bare stomach.

“Pink belly!” I yell and run away with a giggle from the wrath that’s about to follow.

 

We pull up in front of the clothing store, figuring I should start there since it held the most promise. I muss with my hair in the mirror one last time, giving up and leaving it a poof of a mess and zip up my coat further. I know it’s only about ten steps until I’m inside but it hasn’t stopped snowing and it’s started to stick in some places. “Thanks for the ride B.”

Brendon looks at me with a mock-dirty look and takes a big swig of the coffee I bought him. A peace offering if you will. “Yeah, yeah, close the door, it’s freezing!” As soon as I close it and turn away, Brendon rolls down his window and shouts out, “Remember Tyler, you’re gonna get the job, make that money baby! You’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man!” I look at him incredulously and then walk away as quickly as possible when I realize people had heard him and I started to blush. Hopefully I can just play it off as just being out in the cold if anyone asks.

It’s a large store and a little overwhelming as soon as I walk in. But I need this job, and this is the best lead I have. I push my shoulders back and am about to stroll right up to the counter to ask for a manager when a little orange haired girl approaches me with a friendly smile. She has a quirky sense of style, but she pulls it off so well. “Hey, how you doin’ today?”

My bravado leaves me and I’m left speechless for a moment, stupid social anxiety, before I shake my head and answer the question. “Alright, and yourself?”

She gave me the once over and decided that she didn’t need to keep up with the bubbly customer service persona. “Meh, short staffed so I’m a little frazzled but whatcha gonna do?”

Recognizing my opening to the topic, I immediately jumped in, “That’s actually what I came in for. My friend told me his friend Hayley said you guys were hiring? Is she around?”

“That’d be me!” She smiled, “You must be Tyler!” I nodded. “Josh said a cute little brunet might come in here today asking about a job.” Hold up, cute?

“He said what?” I blurted out.

“That this guy Tyler might be coming in looking for a job and to watch out for you and look at that, I found you!” Thank god, she didn’t seem to catch on to the fact that I stumbled over her saying Josh called me cute. I forced my brain to catch up.

“Well yes, that’s me, is there anyone I should talk to, a manager or something?”

She laughed lightly and pointed to herself, “You’re lookin’ at one kid.”

I felt my face instantly heat up with embarrassment. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s embarrassing myself. “Oh, sorry.” I try to recover quickly, “In that case, hello, my name is Tyler, and I’d like to talk to you about a job here. Do you have a moment?” I ask, offering a handshake with my sarcastic excuse for an introduction.

Hayley tilts her head quizzically and then nods and shakes my hand. “In fact, I believe I have an opening, are you free for an interview right now?”

 

I couldn’t wait to tell Brendon I got the job, and at the first place I applied though it certainly helped to know the right people. Speaking of which, Guitar Center was only a block or two from here, I wonder if Josh is working today, I can tell him the good news in person. I start heading in the direction of the store and pull out my phone to call Brendon.

I thought for sure it was going to go to voicemail until he picks up on the final ring, “Hello?” He sounds out of breath.

“Did I interrupt something?” I ask, though I don’t know if I want to know. I knew he was going to hang out with Dallon and what if they were...I had to stop my thoughts right there.

“Not any of that you perv. We were all just rehearsing our set list and you caught us at the tail end of it. I can’t wait for you to see the show man, the guys got me trying back flips now!” He says more out of excitement than fear.

“Back flips? What if you hurt yourself?” I feel as though I have more concern over my friend’s safety than he does.

“I’ll be fine. If not, I’m sure someone’ll catch it on video and it’ll go viral, all publicity is good publicity.”

“You’re the worst at self preservation Bren.” The wind kicks it up a notch and I duck my face further into my hood. I can see Josh’s store just up ahead thank god. “Anyways, change of subject, guess what?”

Brendon makes a noise like he’s pondering for a moment which makes me roll my eyes. “You won the lotto and you’re gonna start your own record label and sign us? Thank Ty! That’ll save us loads of money! You’re the best.”

“What? No. I got the job you dumbass.”

“No way! At the clothing store I dropped you off at like less than two hours ago?”

“Yeah, she interviewed me right away and offered it to me on the spot. She wants me to start next week Monday.”

“That’s awesome dude!” Brendon exclaims with genuine excitement. “I’m happy for you. My little Ty is growin’ up, I might cry.” I hear a fake sob on the other end of the line.

When I walk in the store, there were at least a few customers unlike last time but it takes me no time at all to spot the dyed curls sorting through albums a few rows back from the door. “Bren? I gotta go, you get back to practice. I’ll see you at home later yeah?”

“Do you need me to come get you? It’s still snowing right?”

I glance back out the door to see that it is, but barely. “Yeah, but not bad. I’m fine to walk, honestly. If it gets bad or anything, I’ll call you okay?”

“Sure man, see you later.”

I hang up and head straight to Josh. “Hey man.”

Josh turns his head at the sound of me approaching and a warm smile spreads across his face, “What’s up roomie? You go see Hayley yet? Hope that wasn’t too forward of me, I just know you were lookin’ for a job and that she was hiring...”

I shake my head, “Nah, it’s all good. I just came from there actually, I got the job!”

He offers his hand for a high five, “Sick dude! I knew she’d like you when I was telling her about you.” About how I was a cute little brunet I let myself think. Or just that you were talking about me to anyone in general. What else did he say? Should I mention his girlfriend to him? Why hasn’t he said something about her to me yet? But then go and tell his friend that I’m cute? Unless I’m reading too much into this, as always. Working myself up more than I need to. That’s quite probable.

“Yeah, ya coulda mentioned she was one of the managers though. I felt stupid for asking to speak to one when she greeted me and I told her what I was there for.” I kid with him.

“Oh, yeah sorry. She’s one of the managers by the way, shoulda mentioned that I guess, huh?”

“Yeah maybe,” I pretend to be exasperated, “anything else you been keepin’ from me Jishwa? This isn’t a great start to our roomie relationship...” Go on, take the bait, tell me about her.

Actually, no, he doesn’t have to. Stop getting so damn jealous Ty. I try to push that emotion as far away from me as possible.

“Yeah, there is something I should mention.” He admitted, biting his lip nervously and crosses him arms defensively in front of his chest. Uh oh, that’s not good. Shit shit shit, what was he gonna say? I wait for an answer to the silent question in my mind.

“I’m more of a cat person. I like dogs, don’t get me wrong, but kittens man, just somethin’ about ‘em.”

I burst out with a laugh because I’m entirely too relieved. People need to stop messing with my anxious brain today…

“That’s fine dude, to each their own.” I say, clapping him on the shoulder.

He lets out a little giggle at his own joke. “Good! Cuz you might come home one day and I’ll be surrounded by thirty cats, laying with them all on the ground, one big ol’ cuddle puddle.”

“How about we just start with one?” I counter.

He looks like he’s mulling over the idea in his head. “Yeah, I can settle with just one I suppose.” He holds his hand out, “I’m gonna need a pinky promise though. Strongest bond of word in existence.” He says with the most serious expression.

I squint my eyes at him, trying to judge if he’s joking or not. When he doesn’t budge, I reach out and lock pinkies, “I promise that I won’t stop you from getting a cat one day, but thirty might be a problem.”

He grins and drops his hand. It was then that a customer approached and started asking Josh for help. I tell him to get back to work and that I’d text him later. He waves and I turn to leave out of the store. The walk home was a cold one, but not unbearable. With the snowflakes still steadily falling, I could feel my life falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything's comin' up Milhouse (please understand that reference) for Tyler, except that Josh is dating someone else right now. Hope you guys are still enjoying, the funs just getting started my frens...also, Josh and his love of kittens amitrite??


	6. Chapter 6

When I made it back to Brendon’s house after getting the job, I laid down in his bed and stared at the ceiling, a wide grin on my face. I had a job now, I was going to be making some money (albeit not a lot but it was _something_ ), and I was going to have a place to live. It seemed crazy that two days ago, I was hanging out with my family, then within minutes, my world was crashing down, falling to pieces before my eyes. Everything felt catastrophic then, the weight of the world suddenly on my shoulders and it was either sink or swim. Thank god for good friends, the old and the new, for being my life jacket and saving me from drowning.

I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep until a weight collapsed itself on top of my chest, startling me. My eyes shot open as a loud groan fell from my mouth. Brendon had thrown his whole weight on me, laughing as he did so. “Payback for this morning, bitch!”

I try to wrestle out from under him but he’s got the advantage of being on top and my brain still trying to process being awake.

“Tyler, I know you think you’re fighting me, but really, you’re just kinda floppin’ around and it’s quite amusing.” He giggles.

Letting out a frustrated, exasperated, sleep deprived grunt, I find just enough power to roll Brendon off next to me and actually fall out of bed in doing so. This only fuels Brendon’s laughing fit and my cheeks go red from embarrassment and shame from lack of coordination.

Sitting up from the floor to glance over the edge of the bed, I can just barely see Brendon staring at me, trying to hold back more giggles. “Shut the fuck up Urie, I hate you. I was so peaceful, and you ruined it.” I grumble. “What time is it anyways?” I reach for my phone, seeing it’s early evening. Shit, I wanted to call the college today and officially drop out. I bet the office is closed now. “Crap, I meant to call the school today.”

Brendon reached over and helped me back up into bed. Acting as if he didn’t just piss me off, he snuggled up next to my side and let out a contented sigh. “You can call tomorrow morning. Got any plans for this evening?”

“Other than stress about dropping out tomorrow? Not really, no.”

Brendon glanced up to give me a ‘seriously Ty?’ look before snuggling back in. “Well if that’s all, do you mind if I dip out for a bit? I’m gonna go hang out with Dallon.”

“Won’t you be seeing an awful lot of him in a couple days? And you hung out with him all afternoon?” I ask. He looks up again and stares at me, waiting for me to make some kind of connection. Apparently I’m missing something.

“Don’t make me say it Joseph, you’ll just start blushing. You are so cute sometimes, a smol bean of innocence.” I’m still not understanding and wait for clarification. He sits up to look me dead in the face. “Dallon and I will be seeing each other a lot soon, but also surrounded by other people. We won’t be getting much _alone_  time, and we want some of that tonight before we won’t get the chance. Comprende?”

“ _Oh_ ,” I say out loud, face no doubt turning red as I finally catch on.

“And you blush anyways. I’m gonna miss you when I’m gone, you’re just too fun to fuck with, it’s so easy to get you flustered.”

Rather than letting the topic of Brendon’s sex life continue, I try to switch to something, _anything_  else my brain can come up with. Unfortunately, it’s blank. The easiest thing would be to just tell him to go and avoid it all together. “If you’re gonna go, you better go soon. I’ll see you later tonight.” I try to get him out as soon as possible.

Wiggling his eyebrows, Brendon looks straight at me, “Maybe you will, maybe you won’t...”

“Gahh, no, get – just get out. Go, do, _things_  with the person and, just go...” I fumble, throwing my hands erratically around hoping to somehow clear the air of the thought of sex that Brendon was poisoning my mind with.

“You honestly are adorable, Ty. Josh is not going to be able to resist you.” Just the mention of his name is enough to make me blush even harder and naturally, Brendon didn’t miss a beat, “Aww…”

Physically shoving Brendon out the door, I yell, “Get the fuck out of here Brendon! And make sure you shower before coming and sleeping in bed with me later. I don’t need you comin’ back smelling of sin and gettin' it all over me.”

Laughing hysterically at making me so flustered, he grabs his keys and closes the door behind him, leaving me alone in his house. Brendon’s parents work late sometimes and thank god this is one of those nights. I’d almost rather have a few hours to myself. Though just as happy as I’d thought I’d feel at having some me-time, the thought of hanging with Josh was just as tantalizing. I don’t want to seem like I’m pestering him, I’m moving in with him in a couple days for god sakes but, he just makes me so happy to be around. It’s like no matter what mood I’m in, Josh will make it better. His good nature, his laugh, his kindness and concern, it makes an all encompassing good aura to be around. I just saw him earlier today though and being a manager, I’d guess he’s still at work so he won’t be able to hang out. Maybe I’ll just text him instead.

**You: hey, you still at work?**

I put my phone down, prepared to wait a few minutes for a reply. I’m caught off guard with an immediate response.

**Josh: yeah, sucks. it got slow so I sent the other guy I was working with home and now there’s no one to talk to.**

**You: you could always go ham on the drums again**

**Josh: lol yeah, I was just doin that. I broke a stick tho and those come out of my paycheck sooo...probs gonna hold off for a lil bit**

**You: woah there guy, ease up. were you mad at someone??**

**Josh: nah, just playin like I always do**

**You: remind me not to piss you off**

We continue to joke back and forth, holding a steady conversation for about an hour. It must be absolutely dead at his work or he’s ignoring everyone to talk to me, the latter being the option I prefer though it’s highly unlikely.

When it gets close to closing time, he tells me he has to go, get ready to lock up.

**Josh: thanks for keepin me company on a slow night. I actually have a shorter shift tomorrow, don’t go in til 1 and out by like 8, you and Bren wanna come over and hang out? tell him to bring Dallon, haven’t seen him in a while**

**You: sure, sounds great. later**

Glancing at the clock, I see that’s it’s late enough for me to go to bed without giving the impression that I’m an old person. Should I care? No, but going to bed before 10 is actually quite lame. Brendon still isn’t back yet and I suspect he won’t be home for another few hours, no sense in waiting up for him. After setting an alarm for tomorrow morning, I crawl under the multitude of blankets and even with a surprise nap from earlier, it takes no time at all to fall into a deep sleep.

 

I’m not shocked to wake up to the sound of my alarm, a solid ten hours of sleep. My favorite saying from my grandma popped into my head, ‘you wouldn’t do it if your body didn’t need it.’ Clearly my mind and/or body have some catching up to do and who would I be if I denied them that? Still, I had things that needed to get done. Sitting up, I take in my surroundings and try to adjust my eyes to the light. The first thing I notice is that I slept alone. Had Brendon never come home last night? I check my phone to see if he sent me any notices that he’s stayed over at Dallon’s and upon discovering _several_  drunk texts from him, I conclude that yes, he did end up staying the night over there and was more than likely still passed out, considering the last text was sent at 5:48 this morning.

Figuring a shower would help wake me up, I get to it before calling the college. I had to get that taken care of _today_ , no excuses. Once dressed and ready to go, I can’t put it off any longer and dial the school. It takes a few minutes of extension selection to track down who I might need to speak to but eventually, someone picks up.

“Hello, Counselor Frangipane speaking, how can I help you?”

All of a sudden, things got real and got real fast. This would be one of the first defiant things I’d done against my parents since I was a kid, besides the obvious ‘being gay’ outburst. I realized I’d taken a few seconds too long to answer, “Sorry, sorry, um, I wanted to know how to go about dropping out.”

“Dropping out? I’m sorry to hear that. Will you be finishing the semester or effective immediately?”

“Oh, um,” I fumble, “it would have to be now. I’ve had some...recent events...take place in my life, and I can’t afford to keep going, and I won’t have the time to finish the semester.” Was this too much information? Does she or anyone really need to know all this?

“That sounds troubling. I’m afraid that something like this can’t be resolved over the phone, we’ll need you to come in and discuss your options and if dropping out is what you decide, there will be some paperwork involved I’m afraid. Nothing too crazy, just a few things to initial and sign. When would you be able to come in?”

Shit, I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to go in. I had my parents go with me to sign up for college because I was too scared to go on my own but now I didn’t have their support. Hell, if they heard that I was even _considering_  dropping out...somehow that idea of defiance and spite gave me a little more confidence. “I’m sorry that it’s such late notice but do you have anything this morning by any chance?”

“I do actually! My ten o’clock canceled, would that be alright?”

Pulling my phone back to check the time, I saw that that was in less than an hour. “Sure, I have to find a ride so I may be a few minutes late. Is that a problem?

“No, no trouble. I’ll schedule you in. Name and student ID number?”

After relaying my information, I hang up and immediately call Brendon, hopefully he’s awake by now. The phone rings several times and no answer. After calling two more times, I hang up. Just so he doesn’t think I urgently need his help or anything, I send him a text explaining I haven’t been kidnapped or anything, just needed a ride and in a time crunch.

Josh was my next and to be quite honest, only other candidate. At least he picks up on the second ring.

“Hello?” Good, he doesn’t sound groggy, I didn’t wake him up.

“Josh, good, you’re up.”

“Of course I’m up, it’s almost ten Tyler.” He says matter-of-factly.

I joke, “Well _obviously_ , you don’t know the magic of sleeping in.”

He chuckles, “Not with a full time job I don’t, no. I don’t think I’ve slept in past eight since I was in high school. What’s up?”

I hesitate for a minute. It’s perfectly reasonable for him to say no so don’t get upset if he does. “Would it be possible of you to give me a lift somewhere? You don’t have to stay, but I need to be there by ten. Brendon won’t answer his phone and I don’t really have anyone else to call.” I try not to sound desperate but…

“Yeah, sure, no problem. Where to?”

“Uh, school. I have to go speak to a counselor and her only opening was at ten.”

“Okay, I’ll swing by and grab you in a minute, just let me put on some actual clothes.”

“Ooh, what are you wearing?” The moment the words left my mouth, my face went beet red. Shitshitshitfuckfuckfuckdamndamndamn my mind reeled. “Uh...I’m sorry, I – uh...” I was so used to joking like that with Brendon that it just slipped out with Josh and oh god, what if he thinks I’m weird, what if he -

I hear a giggle come from the other line, “Wouldn’t you like to know...” he said coyly. Wait, what? Was he flirting with me? Or just playing along? What’s going on? “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

He hangs up without another word and I’m left with my phone still up to my ear and half apologies still stuck in my throat. With Josh being on his way any minute, there’s not a moment to spare. I run like a mad man to the mirror and see if there’s anything I can do about my appearance. Yes, the man has a girlfriend, but I just want to look nice okay? I’m surprised to find I look relatively put together, just need a change of clothes. Again, the prospect of sweatpants is so, so tempting, but not feasible when there’s a cute boy who may or may not have been flirting with you on his way over. Not to mention that I'm going to speak to a stranger about ending my schooling career. I guess that should’ve been the main reason, but who am I kidding.

 

Josh arrives in enough time that I should get to the counselor's office by ten. I still haven’t heard from Brendon so thank god this worked out.

Slipping into the passenger seat, Josh greets me and starts to drive towards the university. “So what do you need to see the counselor for?” It didn’t sound like he was prying, just making small talk. Though with the stuff he’s helped me deal with already and the fact that I was going to be living with him soon, I figured I should tell him the whole thing, no secrets from the start.

“Oh, um, I’m dropping out.”

Josh chances a glance from the road to look at me, probably to see if I’m upset about what I said. “Oh, that...sucks? Is awesome? Not sure how you feel about it to be honest.” He says with a nervous chuckle.

“I mean, it sucks cuz I already put nearly three years into it, but I never really wanted to go in the first place. My parents wanted me to go on a basketball scholarship but I didn’t want to play anymore so they offered to pay for my bachelors if I would just agree to go and get a degree in _something_. To be honest though, I hated it.” It felt good to get this all off my chest so I just kept the confessions coming. “Like, I’d do fine in my classes because I’d been taught how to do well ya know? It wasn’t about the material at all, just at how well you could take a test and turn stuff in on time. I’d much rather be doing other things than going to school.”

“Like what?” He asked, stealing another glance.

I didn’t really have to think about it. I’ve known it all along. “Music. I want to play music.” It was a simple statement, but I felt like saying it out loud solidified it somehow.

“Really? You play?” Josh looked pleasantly surprised.

“Yeah, I play the piano and I sing. I picked up my friend's ukelele once and started to get the hang of it so one day I’d like to try that again.”

“Tyler Joseph, look at’chu...regular ol’ rock star. Should I know any of your songs? Top forty charts on the radio?”

I cracked a smile at his words, “Not yet, no. Don’t exactly have a band, but one day I think. And as far as my songs go, I haven’t shown them to anyone, not even Bren yet. I’ll share them one day.” I promised, even if only to myself.

“No way, you write too?” Josh sounded impressed.

“Mm-hmm.”

Josh was smiling big now, “We’ll have to jam sometime, bro.”

I huffed a quick laugh. “I wonder if we could put on enough of a show with just two people.”

 

We drove around to the administration offices and managed to find a spot close to the doors. “You don’t have to hang around, I can catch a bus back or something if you need to get going.”

“Actually, I was wondering if you wanted me to come in? This can’t be an easy or fun thing to do, let alone going in by yourself. If you don’t want me to that’s fine, I unders-”

“Yes, please, please come with me.” I smile nervously. “I wasn’t sure I could do this alone and you – you being with me helps.” I shy away and stare down at my feet, unable to look Josh in the eye.

He places his hand on my shoulder, a sign of support. “Sure man, let’s go.”

The office is larger than I realized, a few students waiting in the lobby already. I wonder if any of them were in the same situation as me. Josh went and sat in one of the chairs and I went to check myself in, let them know who I’m here to see. We made great time and still have a few minutes to spare. I use them by sitting next to Josh, eyes trained on the ground, lost in my thoughts. Josh seems to have noticed that though I’m sitting right next to him, in reality I’m a million miles away. I wish I would’ve taken one of my half-pills this morning, I feel like it might’ve taken the edge off. I’m brought back to reality by the touch of Josh’s hand on my knee. It snaps my focus to here and now and I stare at his resting hand.

“Sorry, you were bouncing your knee so hard I thought you were psyching yourself up to bolt. You can relax Ty, I’m here, you’ll be fine.”

He was right, his presence alone helped my anxious psyche but his touch seemed to take it a step further and I could feel all my nerves shut down and tension that I didn’t even know I had instantly release. “Thanks,” I mumble, offering a small smile. He returned it and never once removed his hand from my knee.

We sat like that for a few minutes more until, “Joseph? Tyler Joseph?” Josh stood first and offered his hand to help me stand. He let me walk past him and placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me to the counselor’s office. I wonder if he knew how much his touch was helping and that’s why he kept doing it, or if he really wanted to? I suppose either way was a win-win for me.

We sat on the chairs across the desk from who I presumed to be Ms. Frangipane and as soon as we both were sat, Josh’s hand found its way back to my knee and I was never more grateful.

“Hi Tyler, I’m Ms. Frangipane, we spoke earlier on the phone,” she held her hand out to me and I shook it as firm as I could manage. “So you said you needed to drop out?” I nodded. “I’m so sorry to hear that. May I ask why?” I felt reluctant to tell her, does she really need to know? “I’m sorry, if it’s a private matter, it’s none of my business. It’s more for the school. When things like this come up, we try to see if there’s anything the university could do for the students. For example, if it was because schooling was no longer affordable, there is grant money we could tap into. Or if it’s a scheduling conflict, we could see if there are alternative class times for students to transfer into so they won’t lose any credits.”

Josh squeezed my knee, reassuring me. “No, it’s not any of those _exactly_. I was going to school for my parents' pleasure mostly, and they were paying for all of it. I got into a fight with them, and I-I got kicked out. So they’re not going to be paying for my schooling anymore and I needed to get a job to pay for rent and with the amount of hours I’d be working to afford everything I need, I won’t have the time to go, even if I really wanted to.”

I watched as Ms. Frangipane was writing all of this down on a big legal pad, listing everything I had said. “That sounds terrible Tyler, I’m so sorry. What was the fight about? Was it about school?” She wasn’t pressing and I feel like it had nothing to do with what she was writing, but she asked out of genuine concern.

“Umm, I sorta told them I was gay. Needless to say, they weren’t too thrilled.”

“And is this handsome young man your boyfriend?” She gestured to Josh.

He and I both looked at each other, confused expressions on our face. I supposed from an outsider’s perceptive, it’s exactly what it looked like. A boy showing me comfort by coming with me to speak to the counselor, hand on my knee for support. “Oh, uh, no. Just a friend.” Her eyes looked between the two of us quickly and then silently nodded, a small smile tugging on her lips.

“Got it. Well Tyler, again, I’m sorry that if you believe you can’t finish your semester, we’ll have you sign a few things and get you on your way. Before you go, I’ll look up your transcripts and see what’s transferable so if down the line you want to enroll at the community college or another university, you’ll know what credits will transfer over.”

My face was still a little red from her assumption about Josh and I but it was nice that Josh never shied away, nor blurted out anything like she had it all wrong. “Thank you.” Josh squeezed my knee again and I couldn’t help the little smile starting to form on my lips. I snuck a glance to see Josh already looking at me, proud that I’d come and talked to someone as if I’d done this all on my own. If only he knew just how much he was helping me and just how much I was already falling for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooh, it's really gettin started my frens...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo boy, sorry bout that absence everyone, life ya know? Anyways, here's another one for ya, tried to make it a little longer to make up for the delay, thanks for the comments asking for the next chapter btw, it helps me, it really does :)

The drive back to Brendon’s was mostly quiet, probably except for the sound of my heart beating right out of my chest. The entire time I was sat with the counselor, Josh’s hand never left me. All through the signing of papers and discussing my future, his touch never left. Hell, even right now in the car, his hand was lightly resting on my knee. Was I crazy? Am I just so sensitive to Josh that his touch was driving me wild? Does he even know he’s doing it? Maybe he’s just that type of friend who has no problem with physical touch or affection for his friends. But what if it was more than that? What if this really was implying more? Now I’m _really_  wishing I’d taken one of my damn anxiety pills this morning.

We pull up to Brendon’s and Josh puts the car in park, turning to face me. He pauses for a moment, eyes scanning my face and a small smile tugging at the edge of his lips, “I’m really proud of you, Ty. That couldn’t have been easy, you did so well.” He tried to maintain eye contact but I looked away shyly at his praise.

“Having you there for me was really helpful, I mean it. Thanks for going in with me, J.” I flick my gaze up to see him smiling warmly at me, teeth bright and eyes brighter yet. I can feel myself blush and Josh’s eyes move from my eyes to my cheeks and neck, no doubt observing and guessing what the color change is from, back up to my eyes again, his smile growing wider.

“Sure, any time.”

We both sit staring at one another for what felt like one second and an eternity at the same time. I was practically screaming inside my head. He’s giving me the I-wanna-kiss-you eyes but he’s not leaning forward. Maybe he’s waiting for you to make a move? ‘You’re a grown ass man Tyler, do something already’ I argued with myself. Then again, maybe this isn’t such a good idea, the guy has a girlfriend (that he hasn’t even mentioned once), so really, what’s the right answer here?

Through all my internal monologue, the moment has passed and Josh blinked a few times, and cleared his throat awkwardly, probably realizing what might have just happened. “I should uh, I should get going. I have work in a little bit.”

I try not to look too dejected, but damn if I didn’t want that kiss to happen… “Yeah, no problem. Uhh, thanks for driving and going in with me.” He leans over to give me a safe, platonic hug before starting his car back up again, my cue to get out.

“Any time Tyler. So I’ll see you tonight right?”

My mind seizes up for a moment, “Huh?”

“You and Brendon and Dallon still coming over after I get out of work tonight?” He reminds me.

I shake my head to try to clear my thoughts, “Yeah, for sure man. If he ever texts me back, we’ll be there,” I laugh nervously.

“Sounds good, I’ll text you when I get out. Later.”

“Yeah, later.” I stand from his car and wave goodbye one last time. He waves back but just like the other night, he waits until he sees me get in the house safe before pulling away.

Once inside, I lean back against the closed door and slide slowly down, pulling my knees to my chest. I’m not stupid enough to deny that I have feelings for Josh, but I can’t seem to figure out if he likes me back. He still hasn’t told me about his girlfriend, Debby I think her name is. Is he trying to keep her a secret? Are things not as serious? Could Dallon have gotten the wrong impression? Honestly, who knew. Besides all that, if I liked him and he felt nothing for me, was moving in with him a good idea anymore? What if things get awkward? I put my head between my knees and force myself to take a deep breath. No more over thinking today, relax.

 

I sat propped like that against the door for what felt like hours. My mind in such turmoil of doubt and struggling with possible false hopes. In times like this, there was always one thing I could turn to to help drown out the insecurities, and that was music. If I couldn’t play it, I could at least write it. My journal had sat untouched since I moved in to Brendon’s and it looks like it was time for it to get some use.

Standing up took a little effort as my legs had begun to cramp from sitting as I was for so long. Walking in to the bedroom, I grabbed the notebook stashed amongst my things and sat in the bed, curled away into my own little bubble. When I would write, nothing had to make sense in the beginning. Just jot down everything that pops into my head, and make sense and rhymes out of the scribbles later. It wasn’t until I had completely blacked out five pages with words that I put my pen down. It was best for me to just write and write until the bad feelings in my head went away, dissipated like a migraine that finally fizzled out. Reading over the ink I just spilled onto the pages, it helped. It helped me to rationalize what I was thinking and feeling, and helped to put into perspective what I should do from here.

Taking a deep breath, I made up my mind. I can’t help my feelings for Josh, but I won’t try anything with him if he really is dating someone, I’m not that kind of guy. I will still move in with him and if all we ever are is friends, then so be it. We will be the best of friends.

It was then that my phone started buzzing and I could see that it was Brendon calling. He was probably just waking up now, just at casual ol’ three o’clock in the afternoon…

“Hello?” I answer.

“Tyler! Thank god, are you okay? I saw you called me like a hundred times this morning and I just woke up and I’m so sorry-”

I cut him off, “It’s all okay, I’m fine. Pretty sure I didn’t call you exactly a _hundred_  times though, maybe more like three. I just needed a ride to the school this morning to talk to a counselor and needed to be there by ten.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been there to take you.”

“No, you didn’t Brendon, you’re my friend, not my chauffeur. Besides, Josh was able to give me a ride and-”

“Oh?” He sounded excited as if it meant something extra.

“Yes, he drove me and went in with me when I talked to my coun-”

“He went in with you?” He said even more animatedly, “what a good, doting boyfriend.”

I sigh and groan, of course Brendon would say such a thing, right when I’d come to peace with what I decided about the whole feelings-for-Josh thing. “No, not boyfriend, although the counselor thought we were a couple, though I’m sure that had to do with his hand never leaving my body-”

“He what?!” Brendon exclaimed. “Where? What was he doing?” I heard an over dramatic gasp, “Did he touch you in your no-no square? I’m gonna kick his ass if he tried any kind of inappropriate touching Tyler, don’t think I won’t.”

I waited a few seconds before speaking, “You finished? No, he did not touch me in my no-no square. He rested his hand on my knee while we waited, and then my back leading me to the room, and then again on my leg while I was talking to Ms. Frangipane. She asked why I was dropping out and when I told her the whole story, she asked if ‘this handsome young man’ was my boyfriend.”

“And what did you guys say?”

“I told her no of course.”

“And what did Josh say?” He asked, voice full of curiosity with a hint of speculation.

“He didn’t say anything!” I was getting tired of his assumptions. It was only making me feel worse.

“That could be a good thing. If he didn’t get all defensive, then he could’ve already thought about it. Maybe he likes you.”

“Please don’t say that.” I plea, hand pinching the bridge of my nose to hopefully prevent another headache from coming on.

“Why not?” he scoffs.

“Because I’m just getting used to the idea that my feelings won’t be reciprocated and we’re just going to stay friends.”

“Tyler, buddy, pal, my friend, I’m telling you, I think he might like you.”

I can’t stop the little flutter in my heart and chest at the hope that he might be right, voice still full of caution and reserve. “You think so?”

I can hear the smile on the other end of the phone, “I really think so.”

I sat messing with a loose string on my shirt for a few seconds before a thought crosses my mind. “Oh, me, you, and Dallon are invited to his house tonight to hang out. He gets out of work at eight, said he’ll text us and let us know when to come over.”

“Ooh, a hang out sesh’ with Joshie, sounds good. I’ll let Dallon know. We’ll be over in a little bit, I still have no idea where my pants are...” he admits.

“Brendon, gross, no. Just...no. I’ll see you later.” I hang up but not before I hear him laugh on the other end. I know he just says that kind of stuff to make me blush and goddammit if it doesn’t work.

 

Brendon and Dallon arrive in enough time for us to get some quick carry out dinner and wait back at the house for Josh to text us. I try not to look like the sullen single person in the room but Brendon and Dallon are just too cutesy and perfect it’s almost disgusting. When people first meet Brendon, they are met with a big ego, crude mouth, and one of the more earnest and honest people you’d ever had the chance to meet. Sometimes his personality could be a bit much at first, but the more time you spend with him, the easier it gets to be around him. I don’t know if I just don’t notice his crazy antics anymore or if I learned to roll with it and more than likely picked up a few of his traits as well.

Somehow Dallon caught on to how wonderful Brendon is from the start and his barrage of craziness didn’t scare him off. If anything, they balance each other out. Brendon learned how to tone things down and Dallon learned to let loose sometimes. A match no one could’ve predicted yet now, no one could argue with. They may have only been officially dating for a few months, but the connection was almost instantaneous. So much so, that Brendon was _nervous_ to step up and ask Dallon out. Never once has Brendon been nervous to do anything, let alone talking to a guy. High school dating for Brendon was certainly something to witness. I think he helped a lot of guys discover their sexuality during his four years.

The two of them were sitting on his bed, cuddled into one another and I sat on the computer chair. The three of us were discussing their plans for their tour when I got a text from Josh.

**Josh: hey, I’m leaving work now. I’ll be home in the next couple minutes. Should I pick up any supplies for tonight? Red bull and chips good?**

**You: yeah, sounds good. we’ll leave here in a few, any requests from us?**

**Josh: yeah, let me win ONE game tonight please**

**You: we’ll see**

“Alright guys, he’s leaving work now, we can leave in a few minutes.”

**Josh: :( come onnnn...just one??**

**You: maybe ;)**

**Josh: now we’re gettin somewhere…**

 

The three of us arrived at Josh’s apartment in no time and I hoped we weren’t too early, Josh must’ve just gotten home. Brendon and Dallon strolled right up to the door as I shuffled slowly behind. Why was I nervous? I’d made up my mind about Josh and how I felt, things were gonna be totally fine. I’m moving in just a couple days from now and it’s gonna be fine. Taking one deep breath, I jog to catch up to Brendon and Dallon who just knocked and are waiting to be let in. We hear a muffled, “Coming!” from behind the door and is opened to show a Josh in just a pair of jeans, standing back to let us in. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t distracted by the sight of the shirtless drummer. He must have caught on to my staring because he looks down as if just noticing he’s only half dressed, head popping back up with pink cheeks, “Sorry, I ran to the store and then wanted to get changed real quick outta my work clothes.” He gestures for us to walk in past him and he shakes Dallon and Brendon’s hand, but leans in to give me a hug. Brendon didn’t miss a thing as he smirks and wiggles his eyebrows at me behind Josh’s back.

“Haven’t seen you in a while man.” Dallon says in a mock accusing tone.

“Hey, I’m always workin’, you know where to find me. And I hear I won’t be seeing much of you soon anyways. Going on tour, huh? Nice.” Josh congratulates. “You too Bren, you guys are gonna kick ass. First show here?”

“Thanks man!” Brendon exclaims while Dallon nods. I would love to be a part of this conversation but my eye catches a figure sitting on the living room couch that’s standing up and walking this way. “First show is Saturday at the usual place, you comin?” Josh nods and says something but I don’t catch it, I’m still distracted by the cute red haired girl who I can only assume is exactly who I think it is – and if this is her, I’m screwed, there’s no competing with that.

“Hey Dallon! Haven’t seen you in so long!” She reaches up on her tiptoes to hug him around the neck. She steps back, “And you must be Brendon!” Who nods, smiles, and offers his hand to shake. “Well watch out for this one,” she gestures to Dallon, “he’s one of the good ones, don’t let him slip away.” She then turns her attention to me, a soft, friendly smile on her lips and eyes bright. She reaches her hand out for me to take, “I’m Debby, and you are…?”

Fuckfuckfuck, she’s so nice, and so pretty. I really want to hate her. Thankfully I snap back to reality before things get more awkward as plotting to hate your new roommate’s maybe kinda sorta girlfriend that you don’t really know if she is or isn’t. “Tyler!” I blurt out, “my name’s Tyler.” I say more calmly the second time around.

She smiles again and my eyes catch the look Brendon is giving me right now. It’s a mix of pity and well-whatcha-gonna-do-face. I reciprocate the same expression to him and Josh pipes up, “he’s my new roommate Deb.”

Her eyes widen and she smiles even bigger, “Oh! That’s awesome, I’ll see you all the time then, I’m so excited to get to know you.” What does that mean? Are they dating or just really good friends? I’m driving myself absolutely mad obsessing over this but I need to know, just for peace of mind.

Forcing a smile that I hoped looked genuine, I return the sentiment and we all go to the living room to hang out. Dallon sits on the armchair with Brendon perched on his knees and that leaves me, Josh, and Debby sitting on the couch. Josh takes the middle with Debby and I as his two book ends. We all settle into a nice conversation of stressful days at work, and then Brendon and Dallon’s tour, and I can’t really focus too well on any of them. I nod at the right places or make a sound of agreement in others but my mind is still churning. Just when things start to look up and everything is falling in place, I finally meet this Debby girl and she’s perfect. She’s beautiful, she’s kind, she’s lovely, and I so desperately want to hate her. I want it to be like in the movies where we’re catty and fight over a boy, but if it’s between her and I, there’s no competition. She’s got everything going for her, and I’m just managing to keep my head above water. Besides, she’s just too damn nice to hate.

I’m shaken from the pity party in my head when out of the corner of my eye, I see Josh do the yawn-and-stretch (okay, I know I said I wanted it to be like the movies but fuck that’s so cheesy) and fully expect his arm to land on Debby’s shoulders, but it’s like the world gets pulled out from under me when I find Josh’s arm landing on the back of the couch behind _my_ shoulders instead. It’s a struggle to remember to breathe normal for one, and two, not to squeal out of excitement. When I realized I’d managed to keep my composure, I chance a glance at Josh who keeps talking about something (I don’t really know, I’m focused on much more important things) and then to Debby, who hasn’t even bat an eye. Next, I slowly turn my gaze to Brendon who, as usual, didn’t miss a thing. He stares me down in the most smug I-told-you-so face I’d ever seen him wear, a devilish grin beginning to form. There was no stopping the small smile starting to blossom on my face and I had to look away before I screamed out loud from happiness. When my eyes landed on Brendon again, he mouthed ‘told you’ and I responded with a silent ‘I know’. Brendon snuggled back into Dallon’s arms around his waist, trying to give me a subtle hint, and I decided to try my luck by leaning _ever so slightly_  into Josh’s side. My face flushed and stomach dropped thirty floors below when his arm slid down from the top of the couch to around my shoulders and softly squeezed my arm. Josh never stopped his conversation with Dallon and Debby and it was like a thoughtless action on his part, a natural resting place was to be holding me. The only way I knew that Josh was aware of what he was doing was when I laughed at something he said and I briefly saw him look down at me and tighten his grip even more. I’ve known this boy for too short of a time to be getting butterflies this crazy but please, ask me if I care.

An hour or two passes and the conversation flow never ended. I’m much more relaxed into Josh’s hold and he hasn’t moved a muscle except to lean in closer to me. I’m pretty sure there will be a permanent grin stuck on my face for the rest of eternity with how happy I am. The feeling of his strong arm around me and his warmth and just his natural scent, was comforting me and driving me crazy all at once. It was then that someone suggested we play video games and I’m disrupted from my place of pleasure at Josh’s side when he shoots up animatedly, “Oh my god, if there’s teams, I demand to be on Tyler’s, he’s a fricken BEAST at video games. Whooped my ass how many rounds last time?” He asks me.

It was impossible to stop the smirk from happening, “Overall you lost twelve rounds of Smash Bros and I lost track with Mario Kart.”

“I won once!” He defends himself.

I make of face of mock anger and shock, “You cheated! You used a blue shell at the last minute and knocked the controller out of my hand!”

“Pssh, that’s besides the point,” he tries to blow me off as if it was no big deal, “I still won.”

Brendon pipes up, “See, that’s where you went wrong. To challenge Joseph to Smash or Mario Kart is one of the _stupidest_  things you coulda done. Man’s a legend where he comes from.” He gestures at me as if I really am more than just a highly competitive boy who spent all his studying time on video games instead.

“Oh yeah, total rookie error on my behalf,” Josh laments, “but I’m not giving up until I win at least half the rounds we play together.”

“Then you my friend have a LOT of practicing to do.” I challenge.

“Alright,” Josh sits up straighter to face me, “let’s make this interesting. I’m going to practice from here until you move in, and on Friday night after you’re settled in, we play ten rounds of each. If I win majority of both games, I get to get a kitten, NO, a whole litter of kittens. But if you win, you don’t have to pay rent for the first month.”

There’s a chorus of ‘oohs’ from around the room. Brendon speaks up again with caution in his voice. “I don’t know man, Tyler is really damn good.”

Holding my hand out to Josh, I agree to his conditions. “Fine, I hope you have that extra money saved up cuz boy, you’re goin’ down...” He shakes it firmly and we laugh it out.

 

The rest of the night goes well, laughing and playing games. As predicted by all, I won every Mario Kart race except one. Josh got really frustrated with coming in second too many times and threw down his controller, wrapped me in his arms and shouted, "SAVE YOURSELVES!" letting everyone else pass me up and ultimately me coming in dead last, a first I can assure you. Being a normally sore loser I'll admit, it should've made me more mad, but Josh's beaming smile at the mischief he had caused had me laughing in no time.

As the evening wore on, I began to feel less and less pressured about Debby. Whatever she is to Josh, she’s clearly not affected by his signs of interest in me. All evening long, he would elect to talk one-on-one to me, or place his hand somewhere on my person, or just focus his attention on what I was doing or saying. She would just smile and go along with whatever was happening and I got no malicious vibes from her so I finally let my guard down and flirted back with Josh. I would playfully shove his shoulder while playing games, or make faces at him when I thought no one was looking just to see him smile and laugh to himself. What killed me is when I got up heading into the kitchen for another drink and he got up to follow me. The other three were having a great time amongst themselves so I thought it’d be okay to have a little alone time with Josh and I.

When I noticed he had followed me, I grabbed an extra drink and turned to hand him one, then hopped up on the counter, Josh leaning against the fridge across from me. “You bein’ a stalker and followin’ me now Josh?”

He tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows while still smiling, “It’s my apartment?”

“Ahem, our apartment?” trying to correct him.

“Not til Friday.” He counters.

“Touche.” I admit, taking a swig of my drink. As comfortable as I feel about Josh and Debby now, I’m still curious as to what they are. Josh never introduced her as his friend, his girlfriend, nothing. And what would’ve made Dallon say they were dating when Josh hasn’t said a word and has been flirting with me all night? Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to clear the air now, rather than later. Whether or not Josh noticed, the suspense was killing me, “So how do you know Debby?”

Josh seemed a little surprised by my question but just shrugged his shoulders, “I’ve known her for a long time, met through mutual friends. Why do you ask?”

“Seems nice. Really pretty. You two ever...” I trail off, hoping he caught the hint.

He squints his eyes, but then relaxes them and answers anyway, “Kinda? I don’t know, it was weird, we were best friends and then I realized she had feelings for me and kinda thought, why not?” He said it so nonchalantly that it broke my heart a little. If he was so ‘blah’ about someone like Debby, where did that leave someone like me? Josh spoke up again, “But then I realized that it was too weird, I couldn’t date her and we just went back to being friends. It never went anywhere serious. I’m glad we could go back to being good friends. And Ty?” I look up, not even realizing my gaze had dropped to the floor. “You’re still the prettiest one in the room.” My face went from downtrodden, to embarrassed, to elated, to bashful all within milliseconds. He knew exactly what he was doing and I was falling, hard. Josh stood straight and walked to the counter where I was sat then leaned on the edge, standing not even a foot away. Josh looked down to my hand gripping the counter’s edge for balance and slowly grabbed it, interlacing his fingers with mine. This simple touch was euphoric because this time, I knew there were connotations behind it. I knew it wasn’t just a comforting action, or a reassuring grip, it was affection and honestly, it felt like an intention to get me even more flustered.

Josh looked back up with a slow grin forming on his lips and I did my best to return it. “We should head back before they think we’re up to no good.” He said with a wink that sent my heart into overdrive. I try to mumble out an ‘okay’ but it was damn near impossible with how much I was smiling and trying to hold in a mortifying _giggle_  that threatened to appear. He helped me hop down the counter and walked me back to the living room, never letting go of my hand. It was a short walk so I don’t think anyone saw but it was undeniable when as soon as we were seated, Josh slung his arm over my shoulders again, though this time I didn’t hesitate to lean full-in to his side. He clutched my body tighter, absentmindedly drawing shapes into my forearm, and I smiled wide once again, catching Brendon’s eye and he knew; he knew I’d be okay once he’d left on the road. Josh would take care of me in his absence and I couldn’t help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun huh? I had plans when I first got the idea to write this fic to make the pre-Joshler part last longer but who am I kidding, I'm just as anxious as you guys
> 
> I didn't have it in me to make Debby anything more than a sweet girl as much as it would've made for a better story so sorry if anyone was expecting a showdown haha
> 
> Oh and btw, I'm big into fluff, there will be oh so much fluff and I suppose now I can use the tag 'eventual smut' can't I?  
> Again, sorry for the delay guys, but this chapter takes us to over 20,000 words, that's crazy!


	8. Chapter 8

The evening wore on smoothly, conversation and laughter never ending. It wasn’t until Debby said she had to leave soon that any of us registered just how late it was.

“You wanna head out soon too, Ty?” Brendon asked in a yawn.

“Yeah, we probably should.” Though truth be told, I never wanted to leave my spot. I was still curled into Josh’s side, his arm draped around my shoulders and other hand tracing shapes into my forearm. His head was rested on the top of mine and he silently chuckled into my hair when he felt me yawn in response to Brendon.

“You’re getting really tired,” Josh whispered, “do you need help to the car?”

Instead of speaking intelligible words, I grumbled, thinking of having to not only stand up and leave the comfort of Josh, but having to go outside into the cold, frigid night air.

I felt a quick smack to my leg and peeked my eyes open to see Brendon and Dallon standing over me. “Come on Sleeping Beauty, Prince Charming will be here another day.” The blush on my cheeks was instant and I knew Josh noticed by the smile that started to form on his lips.

“Fine...” I glanced up at Josh with puppy-dog eyes, “I gotta go.” Josh stood from the couch and pulled me up by my hand, me whining and pouting the whole time.

“Really Tyler?” Brendon scoffed. “Do you need me to carry you? I swear, you’re like a toddler right now.”

“But daaaaaaaaaaaad…” The room chuckled and Brendon looked to Dallon to have a silent conversation.

Dallon raises his hands defensively, “Hey, he’s your son, not mine.”

“But you said you’d help me take care of him! Our child is arguing with us, I know _I_  didn’t raise him this way.” Brendon points at me, “We’re going to have a talk about your behavior when we get home young man.”

I look down at my feet like a guilty child and rock back and forth on my heels, “Yes sir...” Looking to Josh, I give him the saddest, most fake pathetic look I could muster, “I gotta go Josh, I’m in trouble now.”

Josh sticks out his bottom lip in a pout and turns to Brendon and Dallon, “Can Tyler come over again another time?”

“We’ll see.” Brendon and Dallon say together, arms still folded across their chests in mock annoyance.

Debby who had been watching this whole scene unfold started laughing, “Wow, you guys are too much, honestly!” She strolls over to give me a hug goodbye. “It was nice to meet you Tyler!” She leaned in close to whisper in my ear, “And you and Josh are totally cute by the way...” My face instantly heated up and my mouth hung open a little in surprise. I can’t believe I was terrified of her before I came over here and now a few hours later, she’s giving me her approval of Josh and I.

She shucks on her coat, says her goodbyes to everyone else and Dallon walks her out and then to go start his car to get warm.

Brendon waits by the door for me to say goodbye to Josh. I was kind of glad he was there so things didn’t get too awkward, do I just hug him? Is he expecting a kiss? What is the protocol exactly for a night of flirting amongst friends? Josh answers that for me by leaning in and wrapping me in his arms as tight as he could and then when he thought Brendon wasn’t looking, snuck a peck on my cheek. I gasped softly, not expecting it and it only made Josh smile wide at my surprise. We said our goodbyes and Brendon walked down with me to the car that Dallon had waiting and ready to go. It was as cold as I’d feared, but I could care less, I was somewhere in the sky on cloud nine.

 

The next two days seemed to drag for me. Brendon was always gone with either his band or Dallon, but who was I to stop him? They needed to rehearse for their show on Saturday that I was getting more and more excited now that I wasn’t worried about where I was gonna go. Josh and I made plans to load up his car tomorrow, get lunch to go and lazily move my things in while eating. I hadn’t seen Josh since that night we hung out at his house, but we talked on the phone constantly. It was never usually anything of importance, but somehow the conversations never seemed to hit a dead end. He was at work now and he hasn’t responded in a few minutes, traffic must’ve picked up so I put my phone back in my pocket, focusing on watching Brendon and the guys rehearse.

Truth be told, they sounded fantastic. They weren’t too over the top in their showmanship but there was never a dull moment either. Brendon has practiced his back flips a thousand and one times (at my insistence) and I felt much better about it. They were going to absolutely kill it on Saturday, no matter how many times they stressed about getting things right. I could completely understand why it was a big deal to practice, practice, practice but if only they’d stop bickering, they could really get some work done.

After the namecalling started however, I had to speak up. “Guys, guys! You sound and look great, easy...” They all stopped to look at me as if I had three heads.

“Tyler, no offense, but this doesn’t involve you, okay? You’re not in the band, seriously just back up.” Brendon argued. I won’t lie, that stung a little. I know I’m not in their band, but there was no reason for them to be insulting each other like that, making things more heated than they need to be. I was just trying to stop things before they got worse. I try to not let the hurt reach my face.

“Woah, Bren, relax, he’s just saying we need to calm down and I agree.” Dallon defended.

“Yeah, well, we need to be practicing, not coached by someone who doesn’t even play.” He waved his arm at me.

“Brendon!” Dallon shouted, eyebrows furrowed. “Just cuz you’re getting heated doesn’t mean you have to take it out on Tyler, he’s just trying to help. I think you need to take a break.”

There was a sliver of a tear forming in my eye and I tried to keep my voice from cracking, “Nah, that’s okay, I’ll just step out for a little bit.” I turned on my heel quickly and wiped the tear with the sleeve of my sweater. No, I wasn’t in their band. I wasn’t in any band, but I wanted to be. I wanted to play and share my music with anyone and everyone, but I couldn’t, not right now anyways. Hell, I didn’t even have an instrument anymore, I had to leave it behind. All I had were my ideas and my dreams. They were tough ones to accomplish, I’ll admit, but I know they’d be worth it. I found myself stepping outside into the cool air. It was actually sunny out for the first time in a few days but the air was still chilly. I found the one dry spot on the curb and sat down with my shoes in the street, head on my arms folded across my knees. I didn’t want to cry in front of them, I didn’t want to cry in front of anyone. I just hated that now I had this freedom away from my parents, time away from school, that I wanted so badly to play music, and I couldn’t. My best friend was going on to live his dream, and I’d be left behind with no way to make mine happen. Not until I had some money saved and someone to share it with.

I saw a shadow come up behind me and Brendon sink down to sit next to me. He reached his arm across my shoulders and pulled me in. “I’m sorry I lost it back there. I didn’t mean to snap at you. That was wrong.”

“It’s okay,” I sniffled, “I know you didn’t mean it, you’re stressed. But I _did_  mean what I said. You guys look and sound great.”

“Thanks Ty.” He rubbed my shoulder and the two of us stayed silent for awhile. “I’m gonna miss you ya know.”

“Aren’t I supposed to say that to you?” I say with a nervous smile. “You’re gonna have so much fun you won’t even want to come home, you’ll forget all about lil ol’ me.”

“No Tyler, how could you say that? I’m gonna miss you terribly. I want you to go with me, be the peanut butter to my jelly, the mac to my cheese, the Goose to my Maverick.”

I snorted at the analogy, “You _would_  be Maverick in that scenario. Reckless, no self preservation, you’re _dangerous_.”

“You know it baby.” He says with a wink. When I don’t smile, he continues, “Don’t make me sing it Tyler, you know I will.”

I groan, “Please don’t, really, pl-”

“You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss, your li-i-ips...There’s no tenderness like before in your fin-ger ti-i-ips, you’re trying hard not to show it,”

“Please don’t,” I hear voices behind me join in.

“BABY...BUT BABY, BABY I KNOW I-IT.” The rest of the band was in the doorway of the house singing along, “YOU’VE LOST, THAT LOVE AND FEELIN’...WOAH-OH, THAT LOVE AND FEE-LIN’, YOU’VE LOST THAT LOVE AND FEELIN’, AND NOW it’s gone, gone, gone, woah-oh-oh, bad dum, ba dum, ba dum...”

My face was beet red as I had four guys serenading me in the street. “ALRIGHT. If I say I forgive you, can we all go back inside?!”

Brendon nods and I stand up pulling him with me. The guys cheer and run back in the house, Brendon lagging behind to throw an arm over my shoulder again and walk side by side back into the house.

 

We get back from band practice in the late evening and I’m ready to crash. Brendon, however, is still really jazzed about this weekend and is keeping me from being able to fall asleep. I had a pretty big day tomorrow and I just wanted to be well rested but with Brendon, that was always an impossibility.

“Hey Tyler?” He spoke softly while we both laid in bed. The lights were off, my eyes were closed, and I was halfway into falling asleep. When I didn’t answer, he tried again, “Tyler?”

“What?” I groan.

He rolls to his side to prop up on his elbow. “You nervous or excited about tomorrow?”

I let out one big exhale, “Both I guess,” I mumble into the pillow.

“I just want to make sure that you’ll be okay. I know you’re a grown ass man and all that, but I do worry about you. You’re my best friend and I just want to know you’ll be fine before I leave. Cuz we can always change plans an-”

“Brendon, stop.” I interrupt, rolling over and staring at him with dead-tired eyes, “Do we really have to do the late night confessionals?” He nods and I roll my eyes. “I love you, but I need sleep. I’m going to be fine, you’re going to have all kinds of fun, legal or not, and we will talk almost every day. I’m flattered that you’re worried about me, but don’t be. Okay?”

Brendon seems to mull over everything I’ve said in his mind before looking to meet my eyes and nodding once more. “And if you ever need me, you’ll promise to call?”

“Yes Bren, I promise. Now go to bed and shut the fuck up. I love you.” I roll over and find Brendon cuddling up behind me. Only Brendon would I allow this from, he’s surprisingly the cuddly type and if you let him snuggle up once, you’re not allowed to say no after that, so I don’t argue.

“I love you too, Ty.”

 

It was an odd feeling to be woken up by sun streaming through the windows. It was going to be one of those beautiful, warm spring days, I could tell. That alone would’ve made me wake up with a smile, but today was moving day. I’ve had my things packed and organized for days now, waiting. Brendon was lightly snoring next to me so it was easy to sneak out of the room for a shower. Being one of _those_  types, I had my outfit for the day picked out already waiting for me at Brendon’s desk so I was ready in no time. I didn’t want to wake Brendon yet, he’d never forgive me if I woke him up before ten at least so I figured I could go make us both some coffee.

Turning into the kitchen, I found his mom making coffee already and she turned in time to see me walking in. “Oh! Tyler, good morning! How is it that you’re up and about and Brendon is probably still passed out and drooling I’m assuming?”

“Passed out yes, no drool thank god.” I joke. “I’ve actually got plans today so I wanted to be ready, but he won’t be here for another couple hours. Figured I’d come and have breakfast and make Brendon some coffee.” I gesture to the pot she’s holding.

“Oh well honey, let me make you something.” She sets the pot down and opens the fridge.

“That’s alright, I can make my own breakfast Mrs. Urie.”

“Oh nonsense, sit your butt back down.” I do as I’m told because one, it’s polite, and two, I’m afraid of what she’d do if I tried otherwise. “I’ve got all the fixin’s for eggs and bacon, fresh cut fruit, or banana waffles if you’d like?”

“Whichever is fine with me, ma’am.” I smile. “Can I at least help?” I still try to offer.

“Sure, thanks for offering! We’ll find ya somethin’ to do. You know, I’m pretty hungry myself and lord knows Brendon will eat anything and everything once he wakes up, I think we should do both waffles and bacon, sound good?”

I smile and nod and she sets me to work mixing the batter as she fries the bacon and cuts the fruit.

“So what plans did you make today?” She continues with the small talk. I freeze up, thinking over quickly whether or not I should tell her the truth, I didn’t have an excuse prepared.

“I’m, um, moving in with someone.”

“Oh dear, that’s wonderful! Welcome to adulthood, it stinks kid.” She jokes and I try to laugh along. So far, adulthood has been a wild ride. “I thought you were going to school full time though? Won’t that be tough with classes and earning enough to move out? Are your parents gonna help?”

Shit, now I have to tell her. My face is giving it all away. “No, they, um, they kicked me out, last Saturday. I had to drop out of school.” My face falls but I catch just enough of her reaction to see it change from confusion to concern. Before a single second has passed, she charges around the other side of the counter to hug me in a full embrace.

“Oh Tyler sweetie, I’m so sorry. Were they not accepting?” I blink a few times and look back up into her eyes. Does she know? Had Brendon said anything?

“Did Brendon…?”

She shook her head slowly, a stray tear leaving her eye. “No, he didn’t have to say anything. When your kid is gay, a mother tends to know these things. I always knew Brendon was different but didn’t understand until he was older and told me. And then when I thought about you, I had a hunch...”

I laugh with a few tears of my own sliding down my cheeks. “That obvious, huh? Apparently my parents were blindsided. Kicked me out Saturday night, haven’t seen or talked to them since...”

“You poor thing. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I know Brendon won’t be here for a little while, but there’s always a place for you here, hun.”

I don’t hesitate to squeeze her in a big hug, “Thanks Mrs. Urie, really.”

It was then that Brendon waltzed into the kitchen, probably smelling the coffee and bacon and taking his seat next to me at the counter. His eyes weren’t even open yet or I’m sure he’d question why I was hugging his mom like my life depended on it. Even if my mother wasn’t supportive, it was nice to have a mother figure who was. She leaned back and winked at me, then back to her cooking. Today was going to be a good day.

 

I got the text from Josh that he was on his way.

**Josh: and be ready, I’m starvin**

**You: what are we gonna get to eat?**

**Josh: dude, is that even a real question?? TB brah**

**You: ah yes, how could I have been so foolish as if there were other options in the world…**

**Josh: I know right?**

I was laughing at our conversations when Brendon walked back into his bedroom from his shower. “Do I even have to ask who you’re texting?”

“Probably not,” I admit with a sheepish smile. I know it was juvenile to act this way like a middle school crush, but I don’t care, I haven’t been this happy in a long time.

“Well, while I’m gone, you two kids be safe, I don’t wanna comeback and find out I’m a grandparent.”

“You’d be the coolest grandpa ever. Who else has a rock star for a grandpa?”

He smiles at the thought, “Yeah, that would be pretty cool. But still, condoms kids.”

“Brendon, literally shut up.” I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and saw that Josh was here and sprung from the bed. “Ah, he’s here, it’s here, the moment is here-”

“Okay Tyler, calm down before you hurt yourself.” He grabs my arms and holds them at my sides and forces me to look in his eyes. “Don’t get too far ahead of yourself. And remember, I’m just gonna be at band practice today, call me if you need me. Have fun, I’ll see you tomorrow at the show, yeah?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He lets go of my arms and I wrap them around his neck instead. After he hugs back and lets go, “I’ll be the one in the front row screaming the loudest and embarrassing me and you.”

“That’s impossible Tyler, I’ll embarrass myself more than anyone.”

“You’re right,” I laugh, “I gotta go let Josh in.”

Brendon’s eyes grow big and he rushes past me to the front door. “I’ve been waiting to do this!” He composes his self to look firm and hard. He opens the door to Josh waiting on the front porch.

“Brendon, what are you-” I start.

“What are your intentions with my Tyler?” Brendon asks all father-like. I roll my eyes and look at Josh, mouthing ‘I’m sorry.’

Josh straightens up and rolls with it. “Well sir, I was coming by to ask your permission to spend some time with Tyler, if that’s alright.”

“Hmm...I don’t know. You look like a delinquent. What’s that, tattoos and a piercing? Colored hair and gahh, _skinny jeans_ ,” Brendon turns to me, “he’s not good enough for you sweet pea, I’m sorry.”

“But daddy, I love him!” I plea.

“You’ve known him for like, a week!” Brendon counters.

“Hey, it works in the Disney movies.” I argue.

“You got me there. Alright, s’all cool with me then.” Brendon breaks character to turn his attention back to Josh. “He’s all your man. Good luck.”

“Hey!” Josh laughs at my exclaimation, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothin’, nothin’ at all.” Brendon chuckles to himself for a moment like he was remembering an old joke. “Josh can be your splenda daddy now.”

Josh shook his head in confusion, still making a smile on his face, “His what?”

“Oh my god Brendon, shut up. Josh, don’t listen to him. My stuff is back this way in Brendon’s room. We can leave now.” I grab his hand and lead him down the hall.

Brendon shouts after us, “Be safe kids!” Before leaving out the front door, on his way to practice.

Once we get to the room, Josh and I waste no time grabbing everything we can and loading up his car. The tightness in my belly from excitement is almost to much to bear. I wasn’t sure if it was the exhilaration of a new chapter in my life, the independence, the promise of things getting better, or moving in with Josh. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s all of those things rolled up. It certainly didn’t help when Josh would look at me with a light in his eyes, or smile with his tongue trapped between his teeth, or his goddamn laugh that has my gut twisted up in the best way when I hear it.

The sun on my skin during the car ride felt so amazing that I just leaned my head against the window soaking it all up. Josh didn't say a word but I could feel him staring at me, radio playing softly in the background. It was like he was in just as deep of thought as I was, but about what, I don't know. Sometimes I hate the silence, other times like this, it brings me peace. If only it was always as relaxed as this.

The drive to get food is short and the ride to the apartment was even shorter. We figured the unloading of the car could wait for us to finish our meal. Cold Taco Bell is never a good experience.

Josh unwraps his burrito and laughs to himself. I look suspiciously at him with my mouth full of food. “What?” I mumble around a mouthful of taco.

“Did you catch what our server’s name was?”

“No?” I raise my eyebrow. Where was he going with this?

“Well, it wasn’t Omar Vizquel.” He said with a smirk.

My face immediately contorts to a grimace. “I’m gonna kill Brendon. He showed it to you didn’t he?”

Josh starts laughing hard now, “Yes! It’s amazing! I listened to the whole thing like a hundred times.”

“Don’t make me regret moving in with you Jishwa.” I deadpan.

He wipes a tear from his eyes, “Hey! No, I’ll stop, I’ll stop.” He sits up straighter and goes back to eating his food. “I thought you said no one has heard your music before? Not even Brendon?”

“That song doesn’t count. It was just a funny thing some friends and I did one day when we were really bored. My actual music is, much more different than that.”

“How so?” He genuinely sounds interested.

“Well for one, better lyrics." He and I chuckle. We sit silent for a minute, Josh letting me think how I want to phrase what I want to say, "I don’t know. I want my music to _say something_. To influence people.” I could feel the truth slipping out. I feel like that would happen a lot with Josh. Somehow he’d understand. “I want people to hear my songs and realize they’re not alone. That maybe it’ll make a difference in their lives, that-”

“That even if you change only one person’s life, it’ll be worth it.” Josh finishes.

“Yes, that’s exactly it.” The two of us just sat in silence for a moment and stared at each other, not needing to speak. We could feel what that statement meant to each of us.

Josh smiled as a thought crossed his mind, “I know I said it before, but I’m not kidding, we should play together sometime.”

I looked down at the floor, “I don’t have an instrument though. I had to leave most of my stuff at my parents, including my keyboard. I haven’t been able to play in awhile.”

“Then you’ll just have to stop by the store, when it’s quiet or closed, and you can sing for me. We’ll rock out, it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, sure. We’ll have to do that.” I agree. I could tell living with Josh was going to be a very good thing for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! Tyler moves in with Josh!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fluff continues

After finishing our meals, Josh stands from his spot on the couch, “I can show you your room now if you want, I don’t think you’ve seen it yet. It’s right back this way.” Josh walks me down the hall to the very end. “Sorry it’s the smaller one, but I figure it’s enough room for a bed, dresser, and maybe some personal stuff.” I stand in the middle of the room which while yes, is small, is a hell of a lot better than living on the street. And the best part was that it was mine, that I would be paying for it. No parents to answer to and no siblings to share it with. “Feel free to hang anything on the walls if it feels more homey that way, can’t paint though so I hope you don’t mind white walls.” He chuckles nervously, reaching his hand up to play with the curls on the back of his neck.

“It’s perfect, seriously.” I take one more look around and can already picture the layout I want. There wasn’t much room for creativity of arrangement but I’ll figure something out. “Guess I should get started then.”

“Sure, I’ll start putting the bed back together if you wanna go grab your things from the car?” He asks, fishing his keys out of his pocket to hand to me.

I sigh in relief, “Oh thank god you offered, I wouldn’t be able to put together a bed frame if my life depended on it...” Was that shameful to admit? Maybe, but it was the truth. Josh just laughs along anyways and began his work. Moving quickly, I was able to bring in all my things in only three trips, dropping them off in the living room. Again, thank god I didn’t own much. I walked back down the hall to find Josh with his shirt off, struggling to tighten a bolt on the bed frame. He had his bare back turned and was cussing to himself but I was not going to interrupt. I just watched as his back muscles moved along with his shoulders and biceps bulging. Was I drooling? I hope not. I clear my throat so I don’t spook him when I come back in the room. “Did it really get that hot in here?”

Josh turned to look at me and then back at the frame. “A little, but I hardly wear a shirt, just so you know.”

“That _is_  good to know.” I let slip out under my breath. I momentarily freeze up at my slip of words but I don’t think Josh heard me as his focus is still on the one damn bolt, which I am currently thanking in my head for being so stubborn, making Josh continue to work hard.

“There! You little shit.” He stands and wipes the sweat from his brow. “Help me with the rest?” We waste no time throwing the box spring and the mattress together and, “Voila! A bed.”

“Mind if I...” I trail off, biting my lip.

“Go ahead, it’s yours now. But if it collapses, I’m not fighting with it again.” I turn around and fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. Not the worst mattress I’ve laid on, it’ll do. “Don’t get too comfy. Where do you want the bed and the dresser? Let’s move that next; get the heavy stuff out of the way.” Standing up begrudgingly, I show him the way I want the room set up and move them where they need to be. We step back into the living room and bring my things into my room, ‘god that feels good to say’, I think to myself. Josh ducks out for a minute and comes back with a set of sheets and a blanket.

“Sorry they’re not new, but they’re super soft. I _think_  I washed them recently.” I watched in mock horror as Josh did a sniff-test. “They seem okay.”

“Alright...but if I find jizz or something on them, I’m gonna hurl.” I try to joke but Josh has a reply ready.

“Nah, these aren’t my skeet sheets.” My face instantly grows twenty shades more red and Josh busts a gut catching me off guard like that. Brendon would be so proud of him getting me to blush that hard. Once he catches his breath and stops the giggles every time he tries to look at me, he confesses, “Man, it’s just too easy to make you blush, Tyler.”

“It is my cross to bear, being this naive and innocent.”

“We can change that,” Josh says with a wink. I feel my stomach tighten and mouth hang open as all kinds of inappropriate thoughts flow through my mind.

I compose myself enough to admit, “Brendon will be happy to know that though he’s gone, someone else will be around to corrupt me.” I stumble out.

Josh takes a look around and stands awkwardly for a moment, clearly thinking whether or not to say something. “Do you want help with your things or would you rather…?” I decide that it was sweet of him, asking if I’d prefer be alone with my belongings or if I’d want to have company.

“You can stay. We could put on some music and hang my things up, put my clothes away – thanks for asking though. I want to promise not to cry but, you’ve seen me cry before.” I laugh nervously, playing with my fingernails.

Josh is by me in an instant and wrapping me in a hug. “I’m glad you’re here, Tyler. I’m glad I met you and I’m happy you’re moving in.” He leans back to smile at me and then holds his finger up, gesturing that he’ll be right back. When he returns, he’s holding a mug of hot chocolate and a portable speaker. When I noticed the drink I rolled my eyes and grinned. Anyone else would find it weird but I could only smile. “This seemed to do the trick last time, I made it just as well I hope.” I take my first sip and it’s just as heavenly as I remember. And this,” he holds up the speaker, “is for music that shall be cranked as high is it can go to get our butts in gear.”

I set the mug down and sit on the floor with my things all sprawled in front of me. “What should we listen to first?” I ask.

Josh starts scrolling through his phone and can’t seem to make up his mind on one particular album or artist even. “Shuffle?”

“Sure.” The room is instantly filled with rock music and Josh lets out one big huff. He’s smiling and shaking his head. “What?”

“This is me. Was me, my old band.”

“Oh,” I sit quiet for a moment to listen, “I like it.” We wait another minute more as the track finishes. “I see what you’re saying about the beat, it might just be that one song, but I see you as much more of a free spirit than that.”

He chuckles and nods, “Yeah, I guess I am.” The next song is a complete switch to an old Blink-182 track and we both end up singing along instead of working. When the song ends, Josh looks very sternly at me, “Okay, no more messin’ around. We’ve got work to do if we’re gonna have that video game tournament later.”

“Oh yeah, you practice?” I ask cheekily.

He nods strong and proud, “Yup! Just you wait Joseph, you’re goin’ down...”

“Aww,” I coo, “your threats are so cute!”

I’m met with a scowl which only fuels my giggle more. His face relaxes and we both sigh, ready to get moving with organizing my belongings so we could get to the fun stuff.

 

It took several hours, mainly due to our procrastination, but _finally_ , my room was complete. Clothes put away, posters hung, bed made (with no stains, thank god), and the two of us collapsed on the couch in exhaustion. Were we both actually tired out? No. Were we dramatic? Yes.

“Pizza for dinner alright with you? I’ll get it delivered.” I tell him that’s fine and he calls in the order. We wait by hanging out on the couch, facing each other, my legs draped over his. I like how comfortable we can be with each other already. I feel a buzz in my pocket and see that Brendon has texted me.

**Bren: you two fuck yet?**

I scoff and roll my eyes. Josh tilts his head in confusion. “Brendon texted me, said something stupid, what else is new?” He just nods in understanding.

**You: no, we are sitting on the couch waiting for pizza, then goin to play video games.**

**Bren: oh so you are gonna fuck him?**

**You: not in that way no, but in gaming, yes, super hard**

**Bren: I’m screenshotting this to show at your wedding**

**You: Brendon I swear tfg, dont**

**Bren: ;)**

**You: youre literally the worst, goodbye**

I shove my phone back in my pocket and turn my attention back to Josh, where I’d rather it be anyways. I feel my pocket buzz once, then twice more, but I elect to ignore it. I’ll respond to Brendon later.

We waste time by talking about what we’d been up to since we last hung out. Unfortunately for Josh, I don’t lead a very exciting life. My time mostly consisted of watching Brendon at band practice and sleeping. Josh however had many stories to tell. The perks of being a manager of a retail store is all the crazy tales of irate customers, helpless staff, and inside jokes with your coworkers. He was just getting to the good part about the new guy fumbling at the register with a cute girl buying a guitar strap when the doorbell rang. Josh got up to answer and retrieve the food. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I could smell the pizza coming from the kitchen. I stand to get a slice and before I even get completely vertical, Josh sits down with a plate for him and I.

“Ooh, should I be expecting this service all the time now or…?” I smirk playfully.

Josh snorts, “No, definitely not. Force of habit I guess to treat you like a guest. Won’t be long before that’ll change though.” He says taking a big bite. The moan of contentment that he makes is enough to stop me in my tracks. My mind immediately reels to dirty thoughts and I can’t decide if this is something that I want to allow myself to think of or push away (for now). Whether or not I want it, the thought of Josh making noises like that for and by me keeps me from functioning properly, so much so that Josh notices I’ve frozen mid-bite and tense. “You alright?” He asks with a mouth-full.

Forcing myself to the here and now, I shake my head quickly and force a smile. “Yeah, totally, just uh, just got lost in thought there for a minute.” Not a lie, just withholding the whole truth.

“Oh, okay.” Josh swallows what’s in his mouth and grabs another slice, ready to devour.

“Did you really get that hungry? I feel like we ate not that long ago.”

“Yeah, that was lunch, this is dinner.” Josh says matter-of-factly. “And this is pizza, there’s always room for a shit ton of pizza.”

“Fair point.” I agree. I only manage to eat two and a half slices in the time that Josh scarfs four and reaching for his fifth. “Okay, please don’t get sick. I’m not stopping you from eating that but like, shit, boy you can eat!”

Josh almost wants to look ashamed of his eating habits but decides he doesn’t care and shrugs his shoulders instead, biting into his fifth piece.

Sitting back with stomachs full, it looks like Josh might slip into a food-induced coma with his eyes closed and hand resting on his stomach. “You alright there guy?” I try to ask.

I get a moan of discomfort in return followed by a mumbled, “I think I ate too much.”

I scoff, “You think? Buddy I know.” He tried to chuckle but it comes out very weak. Wiping my hands on my jeans (I’m just uncouth like that, what even are napkins), I sit up straight and stare intensely at Josh, “You ready to lose Jishwa?”

His expression changes from sleepy-food-coma to fierce in no time. “Heck yes! Smash or Mario Kart first?”

“Up to you my fren.” I challenge.

“Melee first, save my strongest game for last. It’ll be more intense that way.”

“You’re on...”

 

In the end, Josh put up one hell of a fight. I could honestly tell he’d been practicing but alas, I was still the overall winner. He’s a much better loser than I am. I won’t gloat when I win, but if I lose, let’s just say I’m the definition of a sore loser.

“Okay, I’m impressed. I didn’t hold back at all and you legit beat me in a few rounds of each. Your Peach skills are nothin’ to mess with.” I playfully jab him in the shoulder. He’s still grimacing at losing but there’s no malice behind it.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’m still stronger than you though, don’t forget what happened last time.” I think back to the first time Josh and I hung out and played games, then he tackled me to the ground and pinned me under his weight. The memory is sparking more feelings in my stomach like last time, my throat going dry and mind traveling down the road of fantasy. What it would be like to be under him again though under much steamier circumstances.

Thankfully, Josh doesn’t seem to notice my daydreaming and instead lays back on the couch with his arm yet again resting across the back right above me. Without even thinking, I slide slowly down trying to be nonchalant and back under Josh’s arm like a few nights ago. To my relief, he does the same as he did and drapes his arm over my shoulders again, pulling me in close. We lay like that for awhile, sinking more into each other, finding the most comfortable positions. I end up with my head on his chest and arm draped across his middle. He still hasn’t put a shirt on from earlier and the skin to skin contact feels nice, comforting.

Josh has one hand resting on my arm and the other in my hair, gentle carding his fingers slowly through the mess of fluff. It would appear he has found my weak spot because the moment he starts playing with my hair, I let out a big sigh and snuggle closer, which causes him to giggle. “Is someone messing with your hair your weakness?” He muses.

“I will not disclose that information,” I mumble into his chest. He tests his theory by removing his hand, only to have me snatching it and placing it back on my head. He grins big and resumes massaging my scalp.

I didn’t even notice falling asleep until I was being nudged awake by a tired sounding Josh. “Hey, Tyler, hey,” he whispers, “wake up.” After a few blinks and a big stretch, I glance up to see Josh looking fondly at me. “Ty we gotta go to bed.”

“Sorry I fell asleep. We must’ve dozed off. What time is it?” I ask, struggling to sit upright.

“Almost three. And I never fell asleep.” He admits. I look puzzled at him and he continues. “As soon as I started playing with your hair again, you were out like a light. I didn’t have it in my heart to wake you, you looked so peaceful.”

“So you just watched me sleep? You must’ve been bored, I’m sorry.”

He just shakes his head slowly, “Nah, you’re actually pretty entertaining to watch. You twitched a lot when you were first falling asleep, your muscles wouldn’t relax at first. I thought you were waking up each time but eventually you just faded into a deep sleep. That’s when you started talking.” He smiles with a knowing look behind his eyes.

My sleepy eyes snap open and I look back at him shocked. Shit, what if I said something stupid? Or weird? “What did I say?”

He half smiles at me, “Nothing I didn’t want to hear.”

What the hell does that mean? What did I say? Could I have said something about my feelings for him? Any of the things I had been thinking about him and I throughout the day? My conversations with Brendon. Oh god, what if it was that?

“Come on,” he offers his hand for us to stand up, “bedtime.” I begrudgingly take his hand and he leads me down the hall to our separate rooms until we’re standing in front of my door.

“Ever the gentleman Josh, making sure I got home safe.” I joke, though I yawned halfway through it.

He looks at me endearingly and leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I am _fully_  awake now. “Goodnight Tyler.” Is all he says before he walks away and closes his door behind him. I could’ve slept ten more hours on that couch but I don’t think I’ll get another wink all night now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie wow wow, sorry for the delay. I've had this idea in my mind for a little while, just literally haven't had the time. anyways, here's our TENTH CHAPTER, that's nuts. It's got something in here that a few of you asked about a little while ago and were able to guess :)

Sleep was an impossibility tonight. Not only was I still getting used to sleeping in an unfamiliar place, but Josh had kissed me on the cheek and then left to sleep on his own. He said that I was talking in my sleep and what I said was ‘nothing he didn’t want to hear.’ What the hell did I say? If I had to guess, it was probably about him because that’s all that’s ever on my mind these days.

Rolling over, I slam my eyes shut and out of desperation, start counting backwards from a hundred. On my fourth countdown, I give in and sit up. Rubbing my eyes, I grab my phone to check the time and see that it’s almost four in the morning. Shit, I didn’t want to be up this late, I’ll sleep in late and my whole schedule will be ruined. Don’t get me wrong, I like to sleep in when I can, but I’m starting my new job on Monday and I can’t let my sleep schedule get messed up. And on top of that, Brendon’s concert is tonight. I can’t enjoy it if I’m exhausted from the night before.

Instead of letting myself dwell on the thought of not being able to sleep, I try to think of other things, hopefully a distraction will calm my mind and let it get relaxed. Naturally, the very first thing to come to my mind is Josh. Was that really going to be a surprise? Just the fact that he was the first topic to cross my mind makes my heart race and a smile threaten to arise. Maybe Brendon was right, maybe he does like me. We laid so close and comfortably on the couch and then he (sort of) kissed me goodnight. That has to mean he has affections for me, right?

Even if that wasn’t a topic for discussion to get my mind racing, the fact that he’s nice enough to let me live here is astounding. I’m literally just some guy he met late at night, freezing on a bridge, probably crying when he first noticed me. And he brought me here, made me hot chocolate and wrapped me in blankets, offered a safe haven, and let me contact my friend. His kindness has been overwhelming from the start. How on Earth was I going to repay him? I know it’s not about money or material things but surely there’s something I could get him to show how appreciative I am other than me just saying ‘thanks’ a ton like I already have been. He’s been so gracious about it, but I want more so a gesture of my gratitude than any sentence or statement I could make. I don’t have much money, but I grabbed what I had stashed at my parent's house from odd jobs and chores. Then there was my stuff that I sold after sorting through it at Brendon’s. And I closed my bank account I had set up that my parents knew about, just in case they were to be cruel. I had a strong feeling that they wouldn’t try anything like that, but I didn’t want to entertain the thought that maybe they really did hate me that much.

What could Josh want? What would make him so happy and understand how truly thankful I was? An idea hit me instantly and it was so easy; something we’d joked about a few times. I bet he’ll never see it coming. I couldn’t wait til the morning. I’ll make him breakfast and then I’ll take him there, he won’t even know what to think. Now my mind was reeling from excitement, a whole new reason not to be able to sleep, but I didn’t care. If only the morning would come sooner.

 

Surprisingly, I fell asleep a short time after my grand idea came to me. I only managed to squeeze in about three and a half hours but it’ll have to do if I want to surprise Josh with breakfast. When my alarm wakes me, I don’t even feel drowsy, my excitement was too much. I peeked my door open and saw that Josh’s door was still closed. Tiptoeing past his room, I made my way into the bathroom for a quick shower. Clearly Josh was a simple man, having only one kind of shampoo and two kinds of body wash. I’ll have to remember to go shopping later and restock. I like to mix things up sometimes alright?

I was relieved to see that Josh’s door was still closed and I snuck down the hall to the kitchen. I found where I stashed my pills and took a half-tab. I’m really hoping this rationing works and that maybe when I get the chance to get insurance, I’ll be able to go back to a normal prescription. Turning my attention back to making food, I found that most cupboards were bare, as was the fridge. Damn, what does this guy survive on? He has at least twenty different types of coffee and a dozen cereals, but no eggs, no sausage, no orange juice…yeah definitely have to go shopping later. To my surprise, I managed to find half a box of instant pancake batter and a new bottle of syrup. Pancakes it is. After mixing the batter, I wanted to start to make coffee, but damn, how do you pick a flavor? Are there really this many options? Sorting through my choices, I see a breakfast blend and think, ‘screw it, this’ll do right? We’re having breakfast.’ I’ve made coffee for my dad before so thank god I knew how to set up the coffee maker or else this would’ve been _real_  embarrassing.

Waiting to flip my pancakes, I lean back against the counter and stare out the living room window. It’s not much of a view, just a regular scene outside of an apartment downtown, but it’s the sun that catches my attention. It’s that early spring sun that glows a deeper color as it comes up over the horizon. Its light reflects off a few surrounding buildings and casts rays in many different directions. There’s frosted window panes all around from the chilly night before, but the sun is exuding so much light, trying to warm the world. It’s like my mind at night most times. The dark brings on the cold thoughts that even as the sun rises, still cling to the edges of my brain. But when the light of the morning has the chance to shine, the horrors of the night melt away. Giving in to the sun’s powers, my demons recede and I’ll be saved for one whole day.

Not wanting to burn breakfast, I tear my eyes away from the window and back to the task at hand. I had my back turned when Josh padded down the hall. “Smells great,” is all I heard to get me to jump out of my skin. I whip around to find Josh, still shirtless, standing in the doorway. My eyes try to be nonchalant as they trace up and down his figure, taking in as much as they can without being to obvious that I’m checking him out. I can’t help it if he looks stunning standing there, hair all askew with bedhead, the light hitting his abdominal muscles just right and a groggy morning voice that is quite literally killing me on the inside. Hopefully I was being as discreet as I thought I was.

What caught me off guard was the slight chuckle Josh let out followed by, “Easy tiger, I’m not gonna steal your food.” I gave him a confused look before he pointed to my hand. “Don’t kill me with that spatula alright? I just want some coffee.” I hadn’t even realized that when he startled me, I raised the spatula I was holding, ready to swing. After thinking about how dumb I must look, I lowered my weapon and laughed with Josh.

“Just don’t sneak up on me like that man, you don’t wanna _know_  the damage I could do with this thing.” Josh chuckled and stepped around me to grab a mug from the cubby above the stove. “Wait!” I didn’t mean to shout but I definitely caught Josh’s attention as he froze, looking all wide-eyed to see what was the matter. “I mean, hang on, let me.” Snatching the mug from his hands, I shoo him to the table and turn back to the pot. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, umm, I just want Josh-appreciation-day to start off right.” Pouring him a cup of coffee, I pause to look at him.

He cocks his head at me, “Josh...appreciation day?”

“Yeah, I thought about it all night on how to thank you and this is the first step.” I receive a half grin when I hand him the mug. “Oh! Do you want me to add anything? Cream, sugar...anything? I hope breakfast blend is okay, it’s the first thing I saw really. You have like, a _shit ton_  of coffee.”

Josh shakes his hand at me and takes a big swig, “Nah, straight black is fine.”

“Eww. I can never usually drink the stuff without adding some kind of creamer or something to it. It’s so strong otherwise.”

“It’s the only way to get me through me day,” he admits before taking another big gulp.

“Nasty, that’ll give you dog breath.” As if it were a challenge, Josh sets his mug down lightening fast and leans over to me and breathes right in my face. I shoot back from the table with a stink-face while he laughs out loud. “Dude! That is so gross.”

“So tell me more about Josh-appreciation-day?” he muses.

“Oh, well, I wanted to say thanks for being so kind to me, even from the moment we met up to letting me live with you, so I planned something for today since we both have it off before Brendon’s show. But it’s a surprise.”

“That so?” I nod smugly. “Can I get a hint?”

“Nope! But you can have breakfast courtesy of me.” I stand back up from my seat to fix us both a plate of pancakes. Sitting back down, I remember, “oh, this isn’t really a part of the surprise and not nearly as fun, but we’re going shopping later. Like, _major_  grocery shopping. You have more of a variety of coffee an’ cereal in this place than you do food items. How do you even survive?” I joke.

“On coffee and cereal I guess.” I roll my eyes and he chuckles, devouring his pancakes.

“After we finish, you’re gonna get dressed, and then I’m gonna borrow your car-”

“Uhh what?”

“Relax, I’m a great driver. We’re not going far anyways.” He still looks hesitantly at me but gives in. “And then that’s when you’ll get your surprise.”

“You make me nervous, Joseph.”

“You’ll be thanking me later. Now hurry up, they open soon.”

 

Josh was almost reluctant at first to let me drive, let alone blindfold him, but being the good sport he is, finally caved. We arrived at the animal shelter right after they opened and lucky for us, there wasn’t really anyone there yet. I wanted Josh to have first choice. He let me pull him from the car and lead him through the door to some very confused looking employees. When I mouthed ‘it’s a surprise’, many of them grew excited for us with big grins and silent cheers. From the outside, I bet we looked like a cute couple and to be honest, I didn’t mind one bit.

“Tyler? Can I take this off yet? Where are we?” Josh was sounding patient still, something I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do.

“Almost, hang on.” I lock eyes with an employee and try to silently ask where the cats and kittens are. She points to the end of the hall and signals right. “Come on Josh.” I grab his hand and pull him to the cat room. Once we reach the door, I hurriedly remove his blindfold and shove him in the room. He stands stark still for a moment, adjusting to his surroundings. From what I gather about Josh, this must feel like he’s died and gone to heaven.

I can physically see his excitement bubbling up as his whole body shakes and then explodes with a not so manly squeal as he whips back around to look at me. “TYLER ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?”

“Yes I’m serious right meow.” I mutter, not wanting to waste the opportunity for a pun.

“That was awful but I’m gonna forget it because _cats AND kittens_ Tyler...”

There was no stopping the giggle that escaped me watching a grown man fawn over animals the way Josh did, bouncing from cage to cage to literally greet every...last...one…

I’m sure he could have been there for hours if they’d let him. When an employee came to check on us, she had to cover her mouth to resist a laugh. “I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything more adorable.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty damn cute, I know.” I said, standing back still by the door, watching Josh baby talk with a kitten about how pretty she was.

“How long have you guys been together?” She asks, innocent enough. Damn, that’s the second person in a few days to think Josh and I were a couple. Do we really act like it to make people think that way? Although, adopting a cat for someone does fall into the ‘relationship type thing to do’ doesn’t it? Oh well, I’ll let people think what they think and hopefully, it ends up coming true.

“We’re not actually dating, we’re roommates but,” I didn’t want to go into too much detail, “he’s helped me out a lot and I figured this would be a good way of saying thanks.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet of you.” She smiles at me, then turns her attention to Josh, “We haven’t had any volunteers come in yet today to interact with the cats, would you like to play with some?” The equivalent of a child on Christmas morning and a person seeing color for the first time could not compare to the amount of excitement Josh was putting on right now.

“Yes! Is that even a question?” He paused for a moment, “Sorry, that was rude. Yes please.”

“That’s alright sweetie, who caught your eye? I bet Popcorn and Cheeto would love it. Or maybe Congresswoman Whiskers? Not many people pick to meet her since she has one eye.”

“Oh my god, don’t say that, I’m gonna cry.” Josh clutches his heart.

“It’s okay, she’s a staff favorite, she gets all the lovin’ she could ever want from us when we get a minute to snuggle. There’s also Catrick Stewart, Feline Dion, and Kitty Purry if they woke up from their naps yet.” Josh giggled at the names and she laughed along too. “We do love our puns here.”

“You’re in good company – I said one as soon as I stepped in the room.”

“Must be this place,” she gestures to the building, “these aren’t even the worst ones. All of us employees decided to give ourselves cat names. My name is Katelyn, so I go by Cat-lyn, obviously. Then there’s Meowgan instead of Megan, and Peets-er instead of Peter, and the list goes on. We call ourselves the Cat Clique. It’s lame, I know, but you gotta have fun where you work right?”

“Absolutely!” Josh agrees. “And, I’d love to meet whoever needs the most attention. Surprise me.” He says with a smile.

She gestures for us to sit in one of their get-to-know-you rooms and brings us a scraggly looking thing with sleepy eyes and extra toes. “This is Baklava, he doesn’t get too many visitors and we don’t know why, he’s such a sweet boy, I think it’s just the way he looks honestly.” It was easy to see the cat was starved for attention as it clambered onto Josh’s lap and started to rub its face on his, purring up a storm. Cats have never really been my thing, but it was so incredibly endearing to watch Josh melt into a metaphorical puddle under that cat. They both just sat there, Josh baby talking to it the whole time, giving the cat all the love he could muster. Katelyn came back in the room to check on us. “Ready to switch? I’ve got something I think you’re gonna like.” Josh nodded enthusiastically and waved goodbye to Baklava who meowed a goodbye back.

She came back in the room with four little kittens, who couldn’t have been much older than a couple months. She set them on the floor and they scattered under the chairs. Without even asking, Josh slowly laid down on the floor and watched the kittens in wonder. The bravest one, a little orange and white tabby, approached Josh sideways. Not understanding cats, I asked Josh what he was doing.

“He’s trying to make himself look big so I’m intimidated by him. Isn’t he so precious?” Josh wiggled his fingers which got the kitten to stand on his two back legs and pounce towards him, playing I guess. I was taken by surprise as a little spotted kitten nudged my shoe and started to bat at the laces.

“Aren’t you a precious thing?” I leaned down to pet it and it backed away for a moment, sniffed my hand, and then rubbed its little face on my fingers. I won’t lie, my heart seized up and I got that feeling where when you look at something so little and cute you just wanna squeeze it? I obviously won’t, but still. It let me scoop it up onto my lap and was content to be scratched behind her ears. The kitten’s eyes slowly closed and she began to purr. “Its spots are so pretty, what do you call it? The colors?”

Josh pokes his head up from wrestling with the orange kitten to see what I meant. “She’s a tortoiseshell, and she loves you.”

“How do you know it’s a girl?”

“All tortoiseshells are girls, and statistically, orange tabbies are boys and,” Josh flips his kitten over to check his rear while I stare confusedly at him, “yup, this ones a boy. I like him.”

Josh goes back to laying on his stomach, currently being bombarded by the orange kitten again though this time he’s attacking Josh’s curly hair that's poking out from under his snapback. The other two come out from under the chair to see what all the hub-bub is about. They settle for playing with each other in the corner of the room, every now and then using Josh as a jungle gym to jump off and climb on.

It was then that Katelyn came back in the room, and giggled at the sight. Two grown men, being taken over by four kittens. “How we getting along in here?”

“Tyler, I want this one.” Josh scooped the little orange tabby up and put him in front of my face, and as if on cue, the kitten booped my nose with his paw. Josh all but squealed at how cute it must’ve looked from his angle. “She really likes you, Ty.” Josh pointed to the sleeping ball of fur curled up in my lap. It’s almost funny how as soon as I started to play with her hair, she fell asleep, just like me.

“Oh wow, that’s Speckle, she’s the most shy out of all four of these guys. They took a long time to open up to anybody but she was always the most reserved. She must really love you.”

All it took was a glance into Josh’s eyes to see that there was no way we were walking out of here with just one kitten. I sighed and looked down to the little kitten in my lap and back up to Josh. “I won’t get you your thirty cats you were talking about, but will two suffice?”

His body started buzzing again and he wore an open mouth smile from ear to ear. “Yes! This is so perfect! Thank you Ty!” I was crushed in a hug before I had time to think but still managed to protect my little kitten. Oh wow, _my_  kitten, I should’ve known I’d never make it out of here without going overboard.

Josh sat somewhat patiently in his seat during the adoption. When Katelyn got up to go get the kittens to take home, I just watched Josh out of the corner of my eye. His attention was on the door waiting to see them come out. Adorably pathetic I guess you could call it? It made my heart swell nonetheless. “What are you going to name yours?” I tried to distract him so he could possibly stay calm until she came back. It was only partially working.

“I was thinking Johnny Boy, he looks like a Johnny Boy, but J.B. for short.” Josh tore his gaze away to look at me briefly. “And yours?”

“I was already mulling a few names over in my head before I even realized I was gonna get her. She’s such a sweet little gem, I was thinking Ruby.”

Josh stopped his fidgeting and turned to face me completely. He smiled sweetly at me and squeezed my hand, “I think that’s an adorable name.” I squeezed back and we stayed like that for just a moment more when Josh all about jumped out of his chair when he saw a cat carrier come around the corner, tiny mews leaking out the holes in the side.

I stood to walk over to where Josh was, carrier already in hand, “I’m driving home right?”

“Uh yeah, I’ve got the precious cargo.” He held onto that carrier like it was the most fragile, treasured thing in the world and I could not stop smiling and just how happy Josh looked. This was most definitely a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you can't tell, adoption is big with me. I work at an animal shelter and my favorite part is seeing animals go home with loving and caring people. I wish Josh and Tyler would come to meet cats and kittens at my shelter though...and yes, all those cat names? Real cat names at my work.
> 
> UPDATE: The real Baklava got adopted today! I'm so happy, if you put positive vibes out there, they'll come back in great ways ❤️


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so so sorry about the long absence, I had a wedding out of town and was gone that whole time, no time to write. but now I'm back and will HOPEFULLY be able to update more often (but please don't hold me to that) haha hope this chapter makes up for it

The drive to the pet store was quite entertaining. Josh insisted on sitting in the backseat so ‘the children didn’t feel like we were ignoring them.’ I just smiled and let Josh do what he was gonna do and sat up front by myself. He allowed me to listen _quietly_  to music and absolutely no going over the speed limit. It was like he was a nervous new parent which I suppose in some ways he was. There is no doubt in my mind that if kittens are getting this treatment and attention from him, that a child would be spoiled like no other.

When we arrived at the store, Josh jumped out first with ‘the kids’ and I trailed behind. When he realized I wasn’t right next to him, he turned around to find me a few paces back and waved anxiously for me to hustle, a big grin on his face. It was easy for me to smile along and when I caught up, Josh reached for my hand and physically dragged me to the doors faster. Once inside, Josh insisted we get a cart. I told him we’d only be in here a few minutes and he just cocked an eyebrow at me in response, as if to say ‘yeah right, you know better.’

While strolling the aisles, at some point, Josh reached down to interlace our fingers as if by instinct and I was certainly not going to deny him. The entire time, he never let go, favoring his other hand to point out things or grab them to put in the cart. At some point, I was going to have to confront this, whatever this was, and figure out where we stood. I know what I want, but I needed to know what he wanted. We were presumed a couple by others, but we hung out as friends. We cuddled like a couple, but texted each other like friends. We _adopted kittens together_  like a couple and yet…

It made me anxious to think about so instead I attempted to distract myself as I usually did. At night, this is hard to do. The world is dark and shadows creep into the corners of your eyes and edges of your mind. This also tends to be when my writing is best, in a twisted up sort of way. My agony and self doubt spill forward onto the pages of my notebook into the early morning light. Only then do I manage to gain a few hours of sleep and find some peace in the sun.

Lucky for me, there’s a cute man-child practically skipping down the aisles talking to kittens about how much fun they’re gonna have all while holding my hand. Right now, it was easy to lose myself in the moment.

“Tyler, we should get them little collars with bells so we don’t lose them. Should they be matching or unique?”

“I don’t care, you pick.” I mumble.

“You sure? This is part of the fun you know; it’s like buying baby clothes.” He jokes.

“Yeah, whatever is fine.” I’m trying to sound eager, but it comes out with less enthusiasm needed to be believable.

“Hey,” Josh pulls to a stop to face me, “you alright? You’re quiet.”

“Yeah, sorry, just thinkin’ too much.” I can’t tell him the reason, not yet. I wanna prepare what I wanna say to him about my feelings.

“Okay, if you’re sure. You’d tell me if something is bothering you though, right? I mean, you don’t have to talk about it now or if you’re not ready, but you’d still talk to me?” Josh had genuine concern on his face as he reached out his hand to place on my shoulder. It was just like the other day at the counselor’s office. His touch brought me peace and security and helped to calm my nerves. I nodded earnestly and he seemed to believe me. He released his hand from mine to place it on my lower back, rubbing soft circles. I leaned into his side for a moment and felt a reassuring kiss on my temple. The smile tugging on my lips was hard to contain so I didn’t even try.

Josh sighed and continued to push the cart with one hand and keep his other on my back, “Let’s get these kids home, huh?”

 

I still wasn’t out of my funk by time we got home, but I did feel better about it once I made up my mind to talk to Josh. I don’t know when I will, but I had to. Josh held the cat carrier and a few bags while I grabbed the bigger items. I tried to pay for everything but Josh insisted that he buy the more expensive and non required things that he demanded the kittens get, like a giant cat tree and the plethora of toys.

After taking a few steps into the apartment, Josh set the carrier down and turned to me, “Okay, so you set up the litter box and build the tree, I’m gonna go kitten-proof everything before I let them out.” He shuffles to the carrier and coos inside, “I’ll be fast babies, I promise!” He practically shouts as he darts down the hallway. I smile to myself and get to work. I had a feeling if I took more time than necessary, I’d have Josh breathing down my neck about moving faster. Goddammit, now I had a dirty thought in my head.

Before much else could evolve from that thought, Josh came back into the living room and did a quick sweep, presumably looking for potential kitten disasters in the making. He and I finished about the same time and like lightening, Josh ran to the carrier and brought it to the middle of the living room and opened the door. We both sat still and quiet, letting the kittens come out on their own. As predicted, J.B. was the bravest, taking tentative steps into his new home.

“J.B.! Come here buddy,” Josh called, slowly slinking to the floor. “Come on...” He wiggled his fingers and beckoned the little kitten forward. In no time, J.B. pounced on Josh and began to purr immediately. I slowly sat down next to the two and peeked into the carrier for Ruby. She sat stoically at the back, probably frightened, until she connected eyes with me, then galloped straight into my lap and tucked her head into the crook of my arm. I get it now; I get why people are cat people. How could you not be? I giggled to myself and pet Ruby between her ears like I had done earlier and when I glanced up, I saw Josh looking fondly at me, which only caused me to blush and smile harder.

“You are literally the cutest, Tyler Joseph.”

I pointed to both Josh and J.B. snuggling, “And you are the cutest mom, Josh Dun.”

“Oh, I’m the mom in this relationship?” He joked.

“Well, I am the one with the dad jokes.”

“You would be correct,” he chuckled. “Fine. Honey? Would you go get me a drink from the kitchen, adorable hubby of mine?”

“Sure thing sweetheart.”

When I returned, Josh has both kittens in his lap, giggling at them wrestling with each other, using Josh as a jungle gym.

“Hang on, I gotta text this to Bren. Hold them up.” Josh grabs the two and presses them to his face. He smiles while I get both of their attention and after several attempts, get one good picture with all three of them looking.

**You: Josh and I went and did a thing. *picture sent***

While I waited for a response, I watched Josh and the kittens. This will forever be a form of entertainment to me. Josh has known these little creatures for a few hours and loves them so much already. It made me wonder why he hasn’t gotten one before.

“Josh? How come you didn’t already have a cat? You love them a lot, I can see that, I’m surprised you didn’t adopt one before.”

“Yeah, I always wanted to get one but my last roommate wasn’t a fan so I didn’t for his sake.”

“Oh, that stinks, but nice of you I guess? What was he like?”

“Oh yeah, I guess I hadn't really talked much about him to you before. His name’s Gerard, you would’ve liked him. BIG into music and comics, drew a lot of his own. I made him sign a few that he gave me in case he ever got really big one day. He sings and writes music too, just like you.”

“That’s cool. Where’d you meet him?”

“High school actually. We went to college together too, shared a room. It just seemed logical that we moved in together afterward too. Hell of a bachelor pad right?” Josh joked, gesturing to his apartment.

“Oh yeah, right down to the mismatched furniture and lack of food.”

Josh rolled his eyes at me and continued, “Anyways, we lived here close to two years but he all of a sudden had to move back home with his folks, didn’t really tell me why. I hope his family is okay, I’ve known them as long as I’ve known him. I’m friends with his brother Mikey, too.”

“I’m sure he has his reasons. You guys still talk?”

“Sure, but I haven’t seen him since he left. I miss him. One day when we can all arrange it, you’ll have to meet him.”

“Yeah, definitely, he sounds cool.” It was then that I felt a buzz in my pocket and I laughed out loud as I read the text.

**Bren: TYLER ROBERT JOSEPH, I TOLD YOU I WASNT READY TO BE A GRANDMA.**

**You: we didnt know, honest, we just went to look…**

**Bren: BULLSHIT. you knew**

**You: k fine, I knew at least one, I didnt know we’d be comin home with two**

**Bren: what are their names??? when will I get to meet my grandchildren???**

**Bren: also, when the fuck did you and Josh become a couple? or do friends just do things nowadays like adopt kids together?**

**Bren: if so, where the fuck is my kitten Ty? HMMMM?????**

**You: relax. to answer your first question, the orange one is Johnny Boy, or J.B. for short (thats the one Josh picked out), Ruby is the tortoiseshell girl (shes mine). next, Josh and I are not a couple, we’re just two roommates who got kittens. they’re like my way of saying thanks. and third, Brendon, my dear sweet buddy pal fren, you cant even take care of yourself most days, why the hell would I let you get a baby animal??**

**Bren: you right, you right…either way, v cute. you still comin tonight?**

**You: wouldnt miss it for the world B.**

 

The afternoon was spent watching the kittens explore and wrestle and Josh taking what felt like hundreds of pictures. I pointed out that it further proved my point of him being the mom and he just rolled his eyes and scoffed at me. The two of us ended up on the couch watching J.B. and Ruby wrestle and eventually become tired, obliging to climb up and snuggle between us. Moving very slowly, Josh and I resumed our natural positions of him propped by the armrest and me reclined against his chest with both kittens curled into each other on my stomach. Josh had one hand resting on my arm and the other lazily roaming through my hair.

In my daze, I tried to picture what we looked like, laying here as close as we are and realized I still never brought up to Josh my concerns of the ‘we’ aspect of that thought. Now was as good a time as any I suppose. But what do I even say? Is it easiest to just blurt out everything that I’m thinking, hoping some pieces make sense? Or do I need to think this over longer? I don’t wanna ruin anything and if I don’t get this just right, what if it becomes awkward? What if he no longer wants me living here? On the flip side, what if all goes well? What if it goes as expected or better? Would that be awkward as well? How do you develop a relationship if you live together? I understand once you’re a ways in that living together is a goal and all, but just starting out, how does that work? Would he or I be tempted in moving things along faster?

I was thinking too much and Josh could sense it.

“I can hear you thinking from over here. What’s on your mind Ty?” The hand he had placed on my arm was now being dragged slowly back and forth to get my attention, to snap me out of my stupor.

I suppose it was now or never. Hopefully my jumbled thoughts make some sort of sense. I take a deep breath and do my best to look back at Josh in his eyes. He has a look of soft concern, knowing that something was wrong.

“It’s just, I was thinking...” I take another breath, focusing my eyes forward to a blank spot on the wall, “I was thinking about us?” It came out more like a question. “I-I’m not really sure how I want to say this so I guess I’ll just ramble. I like you, Josh. Like in more ways than one. You’ve just been so kind to me and generous and...and you helped me out so much. You opened your home to me, and offered to be my friend, and kept me off the street. I’ve only known you a short time and we don’t act like it. We don’t act like just friends either and I guess I’m confused? When we hang out, it feels like more than just friends. We’ve had deep conversations, talked about things that even Bren and I haven’t talked about. I feel completely comfortable around you. When you put your hand in mine, or run your fingers through my hair, I feel safe. You’ve helped me calm down, ground myself. And at the same time, you drive me crazy. You’re all I think about now. When I can’t sleep at night, it’s because I can’t stop thinking about you. I think about holding your hand again, I think about cuddling you again, I think about when you kissed my cheek and what did that even mean? I know what I want it to mean – I want you to like me back. I want you to want what I want, and what I want is for there to be an ‘us’, a ‘we’, an ‘our’. I understand if this is all too much, if you don’t feel the same way. I can keep this all to myself, we can just stay friends, I just know...I just know that I need you in my life, however you’ll have me.”

The room was stark silent for what felt like eternity, the only sounds were of two kittens purring, fast asleep still on top of me and perhaps my heart beating out of my chest. Where I lay, I could feel Josh’s heart racing also and it did nothing to calm mine.

“Tyler, sit up.” I didn’t want to. What if this is where he told me I said too much and to leave? He helped me move the kittens to a pillow on the floor and turned my body to face his. “First thing, I’m glad you talked to me. I told you, you can always talk to me about anything, remember that. Second, I want you in my life too. It feels like I’ve known you for much longer than a week.” He paused to grab my hand in his, looking down (was that a blush I believe?), “And I want to get to know you more and more. Every thing that you said, every last bit, I want that too. I want to be there to hold your hand, I want to help you, any way I can. And to be honest, you drive me crazy too. When you get flustered and you blush and duck your face, or when you find something amusing and you giggle, it’s quite honestly the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve had to stop myself leaning in many times to kiss you because I could tell you were nervous, and I didn’t want to move too fast for you. Last night, I couldn’t stop myself. You were talking about you and I in your sleep and that was when I knew you felt the same.” Josh stopped to look me in my eyes and he leaned in so very slowly. “I want to try something, stop me if you want to okay?” My eyes are wide and I can’t breathe but I manage a small nod. Just as slow as before, Josh leans in further until our lips touch. Lucky enough for me, my body knew to respond before my mind could catch up to what was happening. Josh kissed slow and gentle and I kissed him back – nothing rushed, everything perfect.

I reached my hand up to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer. I wanted more, needed more, and Josh was more than happy to do so. Gently, he rolled us over to lay me down under him, just like I envisioned a few days prior. Of course, this time was much better because it was real, this was actually happening. My grip never left as I tangled my fingers into the hair at the base of Josh’s neck, other hand reaching around to clutch at his back. Josh was holding himself up with one arm, the other lightly tracing along my side. I decided that I should push my luck. I had been the one to open these floodgates with my long winded speech, right? Might as well go for broke.

I tested the waters by tentatively tracing my tongue over Josh’s bottom lip, and he was all too eager to let me in. Our tongues danced back and forth as our hands wandered each other and my conscious mind was long left behind, rather running on instinct and feeling. I couldn’t stop a moan from escaping when Josh bit down softly on my bottom lip, drawing it slowly away. I could just barely see his smirk as he moved from my lips, down my jaw and to my neck. He placed light kisses just above my collar bone and kissed harder and harder as he moved up, trading kisses for bites as he closed in just behind my ear. His slightly panting breath was right in my ear as he dragged his teeth and tugged on my lobe. The whines and moans were flowing freely now as I could care less to try and stop them. Josh chuckled, no doubt proud of himself for making me lose my mind with his handiwork.

Sooner than I’d like to, Josh pulled away sitting up. “We should probably stop.”

Staring blankly at the ceiling, I tried to reign some air back into my lungs. “Sure.” I breathed out. “Just promise me we can do that again.” I was feeling cheeky.

Josh half grinned and pulled me up into him, kissing my forehead. “Of course. And again, and again, and again...” He leaned in to place another soft, chaste kiss on my lips. “Just not now. It’s perfect just like this.” He readjusted us again so I was laying on his chest, arms draped across his torso. “Don’t want to get too tired out, we have a concert tonight.”

My eyes snapped open as one thought and one thought only crossed my mind. “Oh man, should we tell Brendon or wait?”

It was quiet for a few seconds while Josh mulled it over, then he started to laugh as if he’s thought of some funny idea. “Let’s fuck with him.”

I lean my head back to look up at Josh, “What do you mean?”

“Tonight, when we go to the show, we’ll act like friends, no big deal, and then when they’re on stage performing, we’ll be _that couple_ , try to get him to slip up.”

“You are one dastardly person Joshua Dun. But I like the way you think. Let’s do it.” This was going to be so much fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well well well, it finally happened. Joshler is real


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can not believe it's been a month since I first posted this fic. I was so nervous at first and you guys have been so supportive throughout all of this, I love you |-/ stay alive, stay street

“Tyler, are you ready yet?” Josh called from outside my door. We were supposed to leave a while ago but I couldn’t decide what to wear. Normally, I couldn’t care less how I looked, but tonight felt important. Tonight was kind of like Josh and I were going on a date I suppose? We were still planning on pretending to be just friends initially, and then reveal we were a couple to Brendon during the show, and, I don’t know, I just wanted to make everything perfect.

After messing with my hair in the mirror for another few seconds, I decide that it’s as good as it’s gonna get. “Yeah, I’m good.” Turning to open the door, I see that Josh put a little effort into his appearance as well. I’m not sure if it was for my benefit or what, but I sure as hell noticed. Working my eyes up, I took in his Doc Martens, his torn skinny jeans, a solid black long sleeve shirt, a flannel tied around his waist, a simple pendant necklace and a backwards snapback. Lord help me, this boy is trying to kill me.

Before I can even make a comment about Josh’s attire, he gives me the once over and a large smile graces his lips. Leaning forward, he grabs my waist and softly kisses me, “You look great, baby.” The proceeding blush was inevitable, though I wish I wouldn’t have giggled.

“Joshua Dun, we’ve been in a relationship less than a day and you’re already pulling out the nicknames?” I try to joke. I won’t lie, I love them. I would die just to hear him say it again.

“Just making up for lost time. You don’t like it?” He’s trying to be coy, still holding onto my waist.

“I never said that. Come on, we’re gonna be late.” I grab his hand and lead him to the front door, ready to go.

“And who’s fault is that? I was ready a half hour ago...”

“Okay, okay, I’ll admit to that. Sorry I just wanted to look nice!” I mutter, pretending to be dramatic.

“Tyler, you could show up in sweatpants and an old holey t-shirt and you’d still pull it off.” We’re out the door now and headed to the car, moving quickly as it’s become chilly again since the sun went down.

“Please don’t tempt me. I was honestly considering wearing leggings instead of jeans but I wanted to look like I tried.”

“Ooh, leggings, I wanna see that one day.” I playfully smacked Josh’s shoulder as he laughed, tongue trapped between his teeth.

“Let’s just go, I wanna hang with the guys before they go on.”

 

The line out the front door was impressive to say the least. Easily the largest crowd I’ve seen yet for one of Brendon’s shows. My chest swells with pride seeing people eager to watch _my friend_  perform. Josh looks out the window at the line of people and whistles long and slow.

“Gonna be packed tonight. That’s so cool. They’ve really come a long way from playing at the backs of bars huh?”

“Yeah, I’m stoked. When we get back stage, We’re either gonna see an amped up Brendon who will _not_  sit still, or a panicking Brendon who will also not sit still. Not quite sure which one you’re gonna encounter so prepare yourself. At least Dallon will be there, he helps.”

“Thanks for the warning. We should just be able to walk around to the back stage door, right?” Josh pulls up to the curb a couple blocks down from the venue. It’s still frigid outside in the night air, but at least it’s dry. The people in line would be so much more miserable if it wasn’t.

“I’m thinking so. The guys at the door know me and Bren pretty well, shouldn’t be a problem. If anything, I’ll just text him that we’re here and he’ll have them let us back.” I send a message for good measure, not wanting to be outside any longer than I have to. I get an immediate reply saying he’ll let them know we’re coming in. “Yeah, we’re good.”

We approach the door and I’m happy to see one of the regular bouncers there waiting with the door propped for us. “Thank man.” I shake his hand before sidestepping into the hallway.

“No problem. And tell your boy to relax will ya? He’s freaking out. Tell him don’t worry, we’ll still love him if he fails.” He jokes, closing the door behind Josh and I.

“So it’s a nervous Brendon tonight huh?” He nods and leads us down the hall to the dressing room. “Well I’ll talk to him. Last time I told him to calm down though, he yelled at me and made it up to me by serenading with a song from Top Gun.”

Josh twisted his head in confusion and chuckled, “He what?”

I shake my hand at him, “Nah, nevermind, I’ll explain later.”

The guard knocks on the door and let’s us in, waving goodbye. I thank him and walk into the room to see Brendon all glammed up for the show, and pacing back and forth in front of the couch where the rest of his band is seated, not paying him any attention.

Brendon glances up at the sound of Josh and I walking in, “Tyler! Thank god you’re here. I’m fuckin’ freakin’ out. Did you see the line? It’s crazy. They said we sold out. WHAT EVEN – HOW?”

I grab Brendon’s shoulders and force his to stop and stare at me. “B, you gotta breathe man. There’s that many people because they love you guys, okay? You’re gonna be fine, no, you’re gonna be fantastic, as usual, alright?” I glance down at Dallon who is now watching us. “You already tried talking to him, right?”

He nodded, “Yeah, won’t listen, even to me. We kinda gave up til you got here.” He shrugged. I don’t blame them, Brendon can be a lot to deal with, even at the best of times. And when he’s nervous, it’s a hardship.

“Okay, I’m gonna take him out for a min’, try to calm him down. Josh, you okay to hang in here?”

He nods and takes a seat with the guys, and starts talking about the setlist. Turning Brendon away from me and towards the door, I push him forward while still holding onto his shoulders. We walk briefly down the hallway and around a corner. It’s somehow quiet and I force him to sit with his back against a wall, mine on the opposite side. He won’t look at me, just nervously messing with his fingers. I let him have his freak out moment, but not too long, the show is supposed to start soon. Sometimes people need to be coddled. Sometimes it’s a hug or affection that is the thing to calm them down. Other times, just the presence of someone else, silently sharing the moment with you, is what does the trick. Brendon was too jazzed to be touched right now, he just needed someone to sit calmly and wait it out with him. I let his subconscious know I was there with him by propping my feet next to his, just a small form of contact, not overbearing. I watched as his breathing slowed, his shaking hands still, and his eyes slow their flickering back and forth. With one final deep breath, he closed his eyes and rested his head back against the wall. When he reopened them, he looked right at me.

“Thank you Tyler.” He nudged his shoe against mine and tried to pull a smile smile.

“Of course, Bren. You were there for me, and I’ll be there for you.” I wait another moment before speaking. “I can’t even imagine your nerves right now, but you guys are going to be great out there. I’ve seen you, I’ve watched you practice, I’ve heard you play. There isn’t a doubt in my mind you guys are going to kick ass.” He huffed a laugh but kept his eyes on his hands in his lap. “I remember when you guys started out, and you’d get riled up if even a handful of people came to your shows. And now look what happened. That handful told their friends about you guys, probably shared your music. And then they invited them to the next show, and then more to the one after that. Look what you started, B. You’ve got literally a venue full of people who came to see _you_. They wouldn’t keep coming back if you were shit.”

“You’re the best at cheering me up man, thanks.” Brendon replied sarcastically.

“Well, it’s the truth. I’m not trying to pressure you to get up just yet if you’re not ready, but I paid to see a fuckin’ concert and I’m gonna see a fuckin’ concert.”

“You didn’t even pay at all you shit! I got you in for free!”

“Fair enough. How about this? When I start to sell out bars, festivals, venues, and arenas, I’ll let you in for free.”

Brendon glanced up at me and smiled wide. “I’d love to see that one day, Ty. I really would.”

“And you shall, but tonight is about you kicking off your _tour_. Come on,” I stand offering my hand to aid Brendon to stand too, “we gotta get you on that stage, bud.”

We started to walk back to the dressing room and right outside the door, Brendon stopped in his tracks, causing me to almost run into him. “Hey, thanks, for everything.” I wrapped him in a hug as tight as I could and felt the pressure back.

“Sure thing. Now let’s go.”

 

The whole show was going off without a hitch. People were screaming they were cheering so loud. The floor was packed to the brim with a crowd here to see my best friend and his band perform and they were putting on a _show_. Right before they opened doors, Josh and I made it onto the floor to make sure we were front and center. Was it like cheating? Sure, but Josh and I had to put on a show ourselves.

I made sure to wait until after Brendon’s back flip, which the crowd went nuts for by the way, just in case we stunned him too much. We waited until one of the dancier songs was being played and that’s when I felt a pair of hands snaking around my waist from behind. I glanced back to see a dark and playful look in Josh’s eyes, a smirk on his lips. For good measure, I arched my back and rubbed my ass into his pelvis, earning a surprised jut forward from Josh. I reached my hand back to Josh’s neck, cradling my head into his shoulder, and rested my other hand on his arms around my middle. As if it was planned, Josh leaned his head in to my exposed neck and started to nibble, all while still dancing and grinding. If we weren’t in public, I’d be very curious to see where this leads and whether or not Josh was going overboard just for Brendon’s sake, or if he actually was showing that much enthusiasm.

Once his hand started to slide down my thigh, I chanced a glance up on stage to see Brendon and Dallon both looking our way. Dallon managed to stay looking composed but Brendon...he was losing it a little bit. His voice faltered slightly on the chorus but luckily the crowd knew this song and backed him up. Turning around in Josh’s grip, I rested both my arms on his shoulders and reached up for a, albeit sloppy, kiss. He was more than happy to reciprocate and put more force behind it. I was pleasantly surprised to feel a strong hand cup my ass, but it was not unwelcome either. When we both broke for air, I peeked back over to lock eyes with Brendon, who, while continuing to sing, stared dumbfounded at the couple making out in the front row. I winked at him as Josh went back to work on my neck. Once Brendon realized I wasn’t being molested and that I was in fact doing this all on purpose, he shook his head and smiled wide. Probably proud at corrupting me. The song ended and that was mine and Josh’s cue to break it up. As much fun as I was having fucking with Brendon, and obviously messing around with Josh, I really did want to enjoy the show. I wanted to see my best friend live his dream that one day I wanted to share as well.

 

After the encore and the final bow, the band walked off stage and the crowds began to dissipate. I held Josh by the barrier and waited for everyone to leave. I had yet to have a moment alone with him since we got here and I knew the trouble I was in when we went backstage to hang out with Brendon and the guys.

“So, we did a pretty good job of distracting I think.” I say, bumping Josh’s shoulder.

“I think so, though if I do say so myself, it was you who was the most distracting...” Josh pushed me so my back was against the railing and had his hands on either side, locking me in. I looked up into his eyes to see the same dark and promiscuous look as before. “You don’t even know what you do to me, do you? Just to let you know, _none of that_  was pretend...” he whispered, leaning in to bite softly at my neck. An involuntary breath escaped my throat before I could catch it. I had to cling to Josh’s arm to steady myself as I could feel my knees going weak. Josh pushed himself further against me until we were chest to chest, hips touching and legs beginning to tangle. Just as a soft moan was drifting across my lips, Josh pulled away with a slight chuckle. “We should get going, don’t want them getting suspicious.” I opened my eyes in time to see him wink and begin to walk away towards the stage door.

“Are you going to make a habit of this?” I cry out after him, pulling on the tightness of my jeans. Goddammit.

 

The absolute moment my feet crossed the threshold of the dressing room, I was being bombarded by Brendon.

“EXCUSE ME TYLER. CARE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF?” I open my mouth and his hand clamps down over it. “I don’t wanna hear it. You’re grounded. For all of eternity. Say goodbye to Josh, you’re never seeing that boy again, do you understand me?” Behind Brendon I can see Josh and Dallon chuckling, trying to keep quiet. I vaguely hear Dallon say ‘nice’ and high five Josh. I raise my eyebrows to Brendon, silently asking if I can speak now. “You’re dirty Tyler, how could you?” I wasn’t really worried at Brendon’s words as no serious tone ever came up, it was all exaggeration.

When he let go of me, I tried to sound innocent, “But Brendon, we were just kissin’ is all...” I looked down and scuffed my shoe.

“JUST KISSING?? JUST KI – Tyler! You were _sinning_  on my dance floor...” He points to Josh, “the grinding? The touching? The roaming of the hands-” he begins to amplify his flailing hands to prove his point.

“It was Josh’s idea.” I supply.

Brendon breaks character for a moment to turn to Josh and high five him. “Nice bro, corrupting Tyler, I like it.” He turns his attention back to me and begins to fake yell again. “WHEN exactly, were you going to tell me about you two, young man?”

“It’s kinda new, like earlier today new. Definitely tonight, honest. Now will you stop yelling at me and talk about the show? You guys were amazing!”

“Thank you Tyler.” Dallon replies, tipping his beer at me.

“Yes, yes, it was great. You’re still not off the hook for not notifying me sooner.” Brendon points at me.

“Alright fine. Now are we gonna go out or what?”

 

The rest of the night is spent out with the band and a few extra people. They chose to go to a bar downtown and buy the first round for everyone there in celebration.

Josh and I had a few drinks each, not nearly as many as Brendon, though he had a much higher tolerance than I do. Not saying he still won’t get shitfaced, it just takes him longer. Once I saw that he was safely loaded up in Dallon’s car who only had the one beer, Josh and I made our way back to his car to drive home. Neither one of us were drunk, but buzzed enough to continuously giggle the whole car ride home. Even the stairs up to the apartment were a slight challenge but we managed, laughing the whole way. Josh used the bathroom first while I went to change into sweatpants and an old, loose tank with the sleeves cut out. I collapsed on the couch because the room started to spin when all of a sudden, I was being scooped up by Josh and carried away. Sometime between us getting home and now, he changed out of his clothes to a pair of sleep shorts and had neglected to put on a shirt. Not that I minded of course.

“Jishwa, where are we going?” I asked in a sing-song voice.

“To bed. You’re about to pass out and I’d hate to have you fall asleep on the couch when there’s a bed available.”

As he walked down the hall, I feared he’d pass up his room and put me alone in mine. I didn’t want to sleep alone.

“Can it be your bed?”

“Of course.” Josh nudged his bedroom door open with his foot and walked up to his bed, setting me down gently. It dawned on me that I had yet to see Josh’s bedroom and I did my best to take a look around with sleepy eyes. “Hey.” Looking back at the voice, I see Josh is already slipping under the covers, holding them up for me to slide in next to him. If there was such a thing as drunk-lightening speed, that was me. Josh giggled at my uncoordinated attempts to get under the sheets and when I did, he pulled me in close to his chest.

I breathed in the remainder of his cologne and sweat from the concert and snuggled in as far as I could, tangling my legs with his and folding my arms to my chest. “I had fun tonight, Josh.” I whispered in a yawn.

“Me too baby, me too.” I felt a kiss to my forehead and one more squeeze from Josh’s arms before I began to slip into unconsciousness. The last thing that I remember was a hand carding its fingers through my hair and someone whispering, “Goodnight.” before drifting into the most peaceful sleep I’ve ever experienced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steamy PDA, woah  
> also, over 40,000 words, woah


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love love love the messages I get from you guys, it really is what keeps me going :)

Waking up the next day was tough. My ears were still ringing from the amps, my throat dry from screaming and cheering, my arms were numb from an awkward sleeping position, and it was hotter than hell right now. Why was I so warm? As soon as I opened my eyes, it dawned on me that oh, there’s a shirtless man sleeping next to me, that might be why. I was initially startled to wake up in a strange place but once my brain caught up with everything, I realized I’m exactly where I wanted to be.

Josh was still snoring lightly and I had to admit, he was a cute sleeper. I took in every detail I could, right down to the pouty lips and his fluttering lashes. The light was filtering in through the windows, casting a golden glow on Josh’s normally pale, freckled skin. His hair was tousled and sticking up in every direction and his fingertips were twitching as if his body always had to be on the move. I could have laid in that bed for hours watching Josh sleep – if my stomach hadn’t started growling. I tensed up when I heard it rumble, not wanting to wake Josh. It appeared as if it hadn’t affected him so I tried my best to slip away and out from under the sheets.

Standing up to head to the bathroom was slightly difficult. I didn’t drink much last night, but enough to wake up with a headache. When I returned, I snuck back into the bed and was ready to wait for him to wake up on his own. It wasn’t a moment after I set my head down that Josh seemed to stir, stretching and yawning wide. His eyelids flickered open and his gaze was on me immediately.

“Mornin’ babe.” Josh’s morning voice was rough and deep and perfect. He lifted his arm, allowing me to slide into his chest, his embrace tightening. “You sleep good?”

“Best sleep I’ve had in a while.”

“I wonder why that is.” Josh chuckled softly, rubbing circles into my back.

I smiled into his skin and buried my face into his neck. “It is a mystery.”

I could feel myself getting pulled into sleep again, eyelids heavy, breathing slowing down, and right as I was on the cusp of slumber, my stomach decided to growl once again. Josh had evidently heard it this time and laughed silently to himself.

“As happy as I’d be to lay in bed with you all day, it sounds like it’s breakfast time. I know this diner just the next street over, wanna go there?”

“Sure, only if you promise we can get back to where we left off when we come back.”

“You mean left off last night or right now?” I glanced up to see Josh smirking down at me, thinking back to our _performance_ at the concert.

“We’ll see what we feel like later.”

 

The walk to the diner was faster-paced than my still-sorta-sleepy brain would’ve liked, but it was too cold for me to care. The sun was shining and not a cloud in the sky, but there was no way it going to get over freezing today. I was bundled up in my thickest coat, scarf included and Josh wore his jacket he let me borrow that first night I met him with a beanie and his hood pulled up. It’s strange, normally I hate the cold, I can’t wait for the summer heat, but seeing Josh look so damn good in a beanie, makes me a little sad that the chilly months are coming to an end. The entire walk over here though, Josh and I had our fingers intertwined and stuffed into his jacket pocket. It was a little awkward to say the least but I wasn’t going to be the first to let go.

The bell chimed as we entered in the doors and Josh walked immediately to a booth by the window. Now that we were out of the wind and cold, the sun shining through the glass felt good on my exposed skin. I was momentarily distracted by the warmth and didn’t notice the familiar face approaching.

“Hey guys!” I snapped my head in the direction of the voice to see Debby standing there, with a notepad in hand, smiling at the two of us. “Josh, Tyler, how’ve you guys been?”

It was strange, I knew for a fact that I had nothing to worry about. Josh had told me he and Debby weren’t dating, that he and I are dating, and she even told me the two of us were cute together, but I just can’t help the twinge of jealousy I feel when I see him smile at her. I know I’m overreacting but who hasn’t when they see an ex of their boyfriend being all friendly?

Before I can let the bad thoughts sink too far in, I reply. “Doin’ good thanks, how about you?”

“Oh ya know, just livin’ the dream...” She says sarcastically, tugging on her apron. “Waitressing was never one of my dream jobs but it does pay the bills. What are you guys thinkin’ of gettin’ today?”

“Is that really a question Debs?” Josh rolls his eyes at her and leans back against the windowsill, propping a leg on the bench.

“So the usual then?” He nods and she turns to me. “And what about you Tyler?”

“Oh, I didn’t even look at the menu yet-”

“Do you trust me?” Josh asks.

“What?”

“Do you trust me?” He repeats.

“Yes?” I cock my head at him and squint my eyes in suspicion.

“He’ll have what I’m having then.” He says to Debby, her jotting it down and then waving goodbye. “And Debs, don’t forget the-”

“Coffee! Yeah I got it. So impatient Mr. Dun...” She mumbles jokingly to herself as she returns with two mugs and a pot of coffee to leave at the table. I won’t drink any, but I don’t want to be rude and so I don’t say anything.

I watch as Josh pours himself a mug, drinking practically the whole thing straight up, and then pours himself another. “How do you do that?”

“At this point, I kind of have to.” He relents.

“So what did I order exactly?”

“Only the best breakfast anyone could ask for.”

“You gonna keep it a secret til it gets here?” I tease.

Josh nods while taking another swig. “Yes, I want to see your face when they bring it out.”

I smile at Josh’s excitement and turn to look back out the window when I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I fully expected it to be a text from Brendon complaining of a hangover or wanting to critique the show. What I didn’t see coming was a text from my brother. My jaw dropped and I almost choked on air.

**Zach: hey man. I miss you.**

Josh saw me tense up and a look of concern took over his expression. “Ty? What’s wrong?” He reached out to place his hand on my arm.

I could feel a weight in the pit of my stomach. Five words – five words is all it took to make me shut down like this. He didn’t even say anything wrong, he said he misses me. It’s just that this is the first contact I’ve had with my family since I left over a week ago. It’s remarkable to think how much has happened and changed since then.

I glance up from my screen to see Josh still waiting for me to answer. “It’s a text from my brother.”

Josh went rigid in his seat. “What he say?” He asked coldly. Of course he would be wanting to feel defensive, all he’s known about my family is that they kicked me out. That they wouldn’t even listen to me, didn’t seem to care where I ended up, all because I said I was gay – but I don’t want him to feel this way about Zach. If there’s one person from my family that would reach out, it’d be him.

“No, no, it’s not like that. It’s okay. He uh, he says he misses me.” I could see a little tension melt away in Josh’s posture, but he still seemed uncomfortable. “I’m gonna reply to him.”

Josh didn’t say anything, just nodded and took another sip of coffee.

**You: I miss you too**

Within moments, Zach texted back

**Zach: god I was afraid you wouldnt answer me. Im sorry I didnt step in when dad was yelling. I wanted to defend you, it just took me by surprise is all, and when dad started getting angry, I was so scared he was gonna do something. Im sorry…**

I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes and a lump growing in my throat. I hated the thought of my brother beating himself up all this time, wishing he’d done different.

**You: no no, its ok. I get why you didnt**

**Zach: can I see you? I pretended to be sick so I didnt have to go to church so I could text you. are you still around or did you leave?**

I glanced up at Josh who seemed to be watching me the whole time. I could feel that my voice was going to falter, that I might cry at any moment. Everything that I’d built up since I left was threatening to spill over, “Would it be alright if I invited Zach to come meet us here?”

Whatever enmity Josh was still hanging on to disappeared, “Of course. Might not be any food left by time he gets here.” Josh pointed to Debby walking towards us with a tray, trying to ease the tension with a joke. I huffed out a laugh and rubbed a tear away form the corner of my eye.

“Okay, I’ll tell him.” I texted Zach the address of the diner and he immediately replied that he’d be on his way in mom’s car as soon as he could.

Putting my phone in my pocket, I looked back up at the perfect time to see Debby putting the last dish on the table. Apparently Josh eats a buffet of food on a regular basis here. My eyes grow wide and my jaw drops at the sight.

“Josh? Are we feeding a small army? How the hell do you eat this all? There’s like eight plates of food here?!” I practically scream. Not meaning to be so loud, I blush, catching the eyes of the other patrons.

“Hey, half is for you.”

“That still four plates each!” I whisper-yell, able to control my volume this time.

“Okay, but you’re not grasping the concept of what’s in front of you.” He uses his knife to point out each plate specifically. “Here you have an omelet stuffed with cheese, and on this plate is biscuits with sausage gravy, and this over here is that best french toast you’ll ever have topped with bananas and glazed strawberries, and then on the last plate is a crepe with fresh fruit and nutella on the inside. See? What more could you ask for?”

“Umm, people to share this with? I’m never going to eat this all!”

“Well I’m not sharing, Zach can help you when he gets here.” If I didn’t know any better, I would say I heard a little bit of resentment in his tone.

“Josh, I know what you must be thinking. But Zach is my brother, I’ve always been closest to him. I want to hear him out and talk to him. I’ve never gone this long without speaking to him, he is, or was, no, _is_  my best friend. If he speaks to me at all like my parents, then we’ll leave, but I have to try first, J.” I plead.

Josh sits silently for a moment, absorbing everything I’d said, before nodding and agreeing to wanting to hear Zach out.

“Okay, now where do I even start?”

Josh smiles and looks down at all the food. “Doesn’t really matter, but I save the french toast for last, it’s my favorite.”

“Alright, I trust you.”

 

Josh and I both reclined in the booths, looking like we might go into a food coma any minute now. I’d wanted to try a little of everything so each plate had half the food missing and as predicted, there was no way I was going to eat it all. Now Josh, he looked just as pathetic as me, but there was not a crumb to be found on his plates.

I had my head lolled to the side, propped up by my hand with my eyes closed. I peeked over and saw Josh with his head resting on the back of the booth. I mumbled out, “I don’t know whether to be impressed or disgusted at how much you ate, Jish.”

He never opened his eyes but smiled instead. “Yeah, I guess it’s kind of a talent.”

“Where does it even go? How are you still in such great shape?”

He picked his head up to look at me. “How do you know? You been checkin’ me out?” Josh then proceeded to flex weakly, still tired from all the food intake.

“I didn’t say that.” I chuckled. Someone running past the window caught my eye and as they rounded the corner and burst through the door, I saw Zach standing there, scanning the room looking for me. The sickness from feeling so full went away and was replaced by dread, longing, and excitement all in one. I rushed to the door just as Zach’s eyes locked with mine. He lunged forward just that little bit to meet me for a bone-crushing embrace. The tears that threatened to form before were free-falling now, and I could care less. I couldn’t care that people were beginning to stare or that Zach and I were a sniffling, almost sobbing mess.

When I thought I could compose myself, I stepped back from the hug to get a good look at my brother. He had dark circles under his eyes, just like I get when I’m up all night thinking too much. God, I hope he hasn’t been losing sleep because of me.

“It’s good to see you. Come over here, we just finished eating.” I start leading him back to my booth where Josh is waiting. “Well, I didn’t finish everything so help yourself if you want.”

“Nah, I’m okay, but thanks.” I take a seat without a second thought next to Josh and Zach sits opposite where I had just been.

“Oh, Zach, this is Josh. Josh, Zach.”

“Hey man,” Zach reaches out for a handshake first and Josh just glances down for a second at it. I’m sure he’s still struggling with meeting a member of my family knowing what he knows but he could see how important Zach is to me, so he reaches out to shake back. Zach looks back at me, still wiping tears away. “It’s so good to see you Ty.”

“You too, little brother. How’ve you been?”

He shakes his hand at me as if to wipe away my question about him, “Don’t worry about me, I wanna hear about you. Are you alright? Are you doing okay?” Zach had genuine concern in his eyes as he looked me over, probably expecting me to be dirty and cold. Poor kid probably feared the worst of me having nowhere to go, bumming it on the street. To be fair, that’s where I thought I’d be right now if it wasn’t for Brendon and Josh.

“I’m doing fine. Brendon let me stay at his place initially and now I live with Josh. Have a job now too, first day is tomorrow.”

“That’s so good to hear.” I can see the relief on Zach’s face before it changes to confusion. “What about school?”

I feel my face go red. I don’t know why I should care what Zach is going to think, what’s done is done and I’ve made up my mind. Josh places his hand on my knee under the table just as he has done many times before, silently letting me know he’s right there, supporting me. “I dropped out actually. Mom and dad were paying for it and I don’t have the funds or time to go anymore. It’s not like I liked it in the first place anyways, I was just going for them honestly.”

“That’s pretty cool actually. I would say they’re gonna be pissed when they find out but...” We chuckled darkly at the thought, just one more reason I’d be a fuck-up in their eyes.

“Yeah, I’m not too concerned really.” A thought crossed my mind and once I had realized it, there was no way to push it back into the recesses of my mind. I had to ask about it, now or never. “Zach, since I kinda left in a hurry last I saw you, I never really got your input on uh...” I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence.

“On you coming out? Tyler, you’re my brother. I love you no matter what. And I really am sorry I didn’t step up and defend you to dad. It’s just that he was getting really loud and I was afraid that he might...that he might lash out. I’m such a coward, I’m so sorry-”

“No, Zach, stop. It’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault. Okay?” He nodded silently and looked down at his hands in his lap. Hopefully he took what I said to heart. “And I can not tell you how _grateful_  I am that you accept me, all of me.”

Zach looks up at that, “Of course I do, you’re my brother, I love you.”

“I love you too, man.” I look over to Josh and see that he has warmed up to Zach. Hearing his side of things, seeing him put in the effort to repair our relationship, I could see him smile at me being happy. There’s probably one more thing I should tell Zach. “Well, now that I have your support, I have one other thing to tell you.” I put my hand on Josh’s that’s resting on my leg. He looks to me and smiles wide, moving his hand from under the table to rest on the back of the booth behind me. “I’m dating Josh.”

Zach sits perfectly still for a moment, eyes flicking back and forth between Josh and I. “Oh, oh! Yeah, that’s, that’s great Ty. I’m happy for you.” I could see him stumbling over his words. I guess it’d be quite a lot of information to take in at once in the same day. “I’m sorry, I really am happy for you, it’s just a lot catch up with and-”

“It’s alright Zach, as long as you know I’m happy and safe, and I know you’re doing okay too, everything is good.”

He lets out a long exhale and sits back, “Okay good.” He glances to Josh and then back to me, “In that case, I better get this out of the way.” I squint my eyes in confusion as Zach sits up straight and locks eyes with Josh, “Alright, rules for dating my brother are as follows – don’t mess around with anyone else, don’t break his heart, and, well normally I would bring up using protection but-”

“Uh, stop right there Zach.” My face was burning red and Josh was trying to hold back a laugh. “First of all, Brendon beat you to the punch, he threatened Josh days ago. And second, yes, protection is still needed no matter what. Same goes for you little brother.” I point at his face, trying to look stern though I’m sure I looked more like a flustered tomato.

Zach sniggered and looked back to Josh, “Just take care of him alright?”

“Yeah, will do.” He promised, slinging his arm around my shoulders and pulling me in. “Don’t worry about a thing.”

“Good,” Zach chided, then looked down at the table at our leftovers, “you gonna eat that?”

I pushed my plate towards him and laughed, “All yours.” This felt good. I had my brother on my side, and Josh at my side, holding me. This day could not get any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay but for real, me friend and i did eat a breakfast meal like that once and I'd love to say never again but honestly, it was so good.
> 
> Either way, yay for supportive brothers!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weren't expecting a chapter so soon were ya? haha me neither tbh
> 
> it's a little shorter than usual but I think you guys will like the ending

The three of us hung around the diner for a little while longer, catching up and Josh and Zach getting to know each other a little better. I never wanted this moment to end and I know that on those nights alone or when I feel like things are going to fall apart, this will be one of the moments I look back on to cope. This will be a memory that gets me through those rough times. Zach laughing at something I said, Josh smiling with crinkled eyes and his arm draped around me, and me feeling like everything might work out okay.

Eventually, Zach had to leave knowing our parents would be home soon and he’s supposed to be sick in bed. I tell him to look after Jay and Maddie and to text or call any time. I get up to walk him out and Josh stays behind, letting us have a moment alone. We stand in the vestibule, not wanting to go out into the cold just yet.

“Take care of them, and yourself Zach. Don’t lose any more sleep because of me, alright?”

“Now that I know you’re safe and doin’ okay, I won’t have to worry.”

I want to ask about my parents, but I don’t know if I’m going to want to hear the answer. Zach could see me struggling with my thoughts and as always, he knew what I was thinking and answered for me.

“Tyler, I’m sorry that mom and dad haven’t come around yet. They’re old school and go to church every damn week, hell, that’s where all their friends are. It’s all they know. I’m not excusing them for kicking you out, that was wrong, period. But I don’t blame them for not understanding, and I don’t think you should either. It’s gonna take some time I believe, but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that they’ll come around eventually.”

I can feel a lump starting to form in my throat again listening to what Zach had to say. It hurt having my parents who I thought loved me reject me like they did, but I can understand what Zach was saying. “You think so?”

“I really do. Dads been walkin’ around like he knows he fucked up and mom, I showed her the letter you left.” My head snapped up to look him in the eye. “Yeah, she asked me if I’d heard anything from you and I couldn’t keep it from her, she was on the verge of tears at the time and once she read it, she broke down. I think she regrets letting you walk out, Ty.” I had to look back down at the ground as tears were falling down my cheeks. So what does this mean? Do they want me home again? Are they going to accept me? “Just give them some time, and they’ll realize the mistake they made that night, okay?” I nod and wipe away the tears. “I gotta go, but if mom asks about you again, I’ll let her know you’re doin’ okay, alright?” He wraps me up in one last hug before walking out into the freezing air.

I stand alone trying to compose myself before walking back to the table. I don’t need Josh to see me crying yet again. When I think I have myself put together, I make my way back to the booth and slide in next to him, ignoring the empty seat across from him. Immediately and without question, Josh has his arm around me and kisses my temple. He hasn’t spoken yet, probably waiting for me to say something, but only if I want to.

“He said he thinks my parents know they messed up. That he thinks they’ll come around eventually. I don’t know. I want to think so, I want to believe that they’ll want to see me again, it’s just hard ya know? He says it was wrong of them to kick me out, and it was, but that I shouldn’t blame them for not understanding right away. I can see that I guess, when you were raised the way they were, it’s hard to change, but people can change. Right?”

“Yeah, I think so. I can understand where your brothers coming from. When I came out, my parents didn’t get it either, but they realized that I’m still their son, they loved me and that nothing else matters. I think your parents will realize that too, just give them time. And, I hate to say it, but if I’m being honest, if they never come around, it will hurt, but you’ll still have other people in your life that love and support you. You’ve got Zach, Brendon and Dallon, and me.” I looked up fondly at Josh to see him looking at me like he needed to make sure I understood everything he was saying to me. “I’m not going anywhere Ty.”

I reached up to peck him on the lips and when I pulled back, Josh grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me forward to kiss again, only this time deeper and with more feeling. It was like he was sealing a promise he made to me, and I believed him. It was then that Debby came by with the check and stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat to get our attention. I blushed and pulled back but Josh wasn’t even phased.

“I’ll just leave this here then...” she set the bill down and shied away with Josh chuckling at mine and her embarrassment.

“I guess that’s our cue to leave.” I mumble against his throat, still hiding my blush.

“Yeah, let’s get home.”

 

Walking in the door, I tell Josh I’m going to call Brendon and check in on him and he excuses himself to the bathroom. Brendon didn’t pick up on the first call, and I was about to leave him a voicemail on the second try when he picks up. At least I assume it’s him, all I heard was a loud, pained groan from the other side of the line.

“Brendon, buddy, you alright?” I smile, thinking of how much he drank last night and how hard he must’ve crashed. I have a visual image of him collapsed on the floor, clothes disheveled and dried drool everywhere. Let’s just say I’ve found him like this more than once so it’s quite plausible. “You fall asleep in a bed this time? Or bathroom again?” I heard another groan but it sounds like there’s a slight echo. “Bathroom it is. Hugging the toilet or set up camp in the tub?”

“Mm-min th’tub.”

“Proud of you man, better than the floor. Got a puke bucket handy?”

“Don’ need one...” Aw no, puked on himself again then.

“Dude, no. We talked about this. Never let yourself pass out without your supplies ready. Where’s Dallon?” The response I get is another grunt, sounded like ‘I dunno’ though I can’t be sure. “Okay well I’ll let you go for now. Get yourself cleaned up, eat something, _drink water_  please, and call me later.”

“Oookay, byyeee...” The line goes dead immediately and I know that he’s going to sleep it off for a few more hours. We’ll get caught up later when he’s a little more coherent.

Pocketing my phone, I look for Josh and see him laying in his bed, cuddling the kittens. “Did you talk to Bren?”

I slide in next to Josh and scoop up Ruby and put her on my chest, purring away. “Kinda. He’s still out of it, passed out in his bathtub. I told him to call me later.”

Josh gets a gleam in his eyes as he rolls over to face me. “So we’ve got some time then?”

“Time for what?” I wasn’t sure what he was implying.

“Like you said, to get back to where we left off...” Josh moved Ruby off of me and shooed them out of his room and closed the door. He was back by the bed in an instant and crawled up to hover above me. Oh, I get it now…

He dipped his head to connect our lips, supporting his weight on either side of me. My hands reached up around his torso and tugged at his shirt. Josh smiled against my lips and leaned back just enough to remove his shirt and went right back to peppering me with kisses – my lips, my jaw, my neck. My hands traced his figure and I couldn’t get enough. I felt calloused fingertips edging along my side, making their way down and down to the hem of my shirt, pausing, as if silently asking if it was alright. I reached down to tug my shirt up and off and to my slight disappointment, the kissing stopped. It was only for a moment as Josh sat back to glance at me up and down. It dawned on me that I got to drink in the image of him shirtless several times now, but he had yet to see me. I knew I should’ve felt vulnerable, but the way he was looking at me, made me feel like the most beautiful being on earth.

His fingers lightly traced my tattoos and then danced along my side to rest just above my hips, where they gripped in hard. “You look amazing.” Josh mumbled into my neck, stopping to place a bite followed my a soothing lick. My hips involuntarily bucked up to find some kind of friction and rubbed alongside Josh’s thigh. He groaned long and low from feeling how hard I was and he repositioned himself between my legs, where he jutted forward and I knew I wasn’t the only struggling with a hard-on. I single whimper escaped my lips before Josh pushed forward again with more force than the last time. In response, I pushed my ass down against his hips where he replied with another groan.

We kept up the pace all while kissing and biting, moaning and groaning. My hands tangled in his hair at the base of his neck, begging him to get closer if that was even possible. There were sure to be bruises along my hips with the grip Josh had on me but I couldn’t care less. I wanted so badly to lose myself in the moment but instead, I was fighting a battle inside my head. I want to go further, not sex, but I wanted, no, _needed_  more with Josh. Was it too soon? What would he think of me? I’ve made out with other people sure, but I was very new to the physical side of things with other guys. I knew what I liked, but what would Josh like if he let me? I suppose there’s only one way to find out.

I let go of Josh’s shoulder and slid my hand down and down to his hip, traced along his Adonis belt to the front of his jeans, and hovered there for a moment. Josh seemed to catch up to what I was implying I wanted to do and pulled away to look at me. “Are you sure?” He asked, out of breath.

“Yes, but, I’ve um, never been with a guy this way before? So I might not be very good and-”

“Shh, it’s okay Tyler, everyone’s gotta start somewhere right?” He smiled, trying to ease my embarrassment. “I was actually thinking, that I’d like to touch you first.” My heart stopped and I felt frozen. I wanted that so bad, and I was trying not to panic. Josh seemed to sense my apprehension and tried to backtrack. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to-”

“No! No, I want to, it’s j-just like I said, I haven’t had too much experience.” My face was flushed right now, I could feel it, but Josh didn’t seem to notice or care.

“That’s alright. Just um, just lay back and let me okay?” I nod and try to relax. Josh went back to kissing me soft and slow. His hands wandered but didn’t go further than my waist. He was trying to help me calm down and go back to feeling comfortable first. When my body finally relaxed against the mattress, he reached down to palm me over my jeans. My hips shifted into his touch, glad to get some kind of friction, even if it was through fabric. Still keeping me occupied with kisses, Josh reached down with both hands to undo my belt and jeans, sliding them down my thighs and off my legs. Now I was laying here with a cloudy, kiss-induced mind in my underwear, under the weight of Josh. He resumed palming me over my boxers and it felt much better than before, though still not as good as what was to come.

I could feel my boxers getting wet with precum and Josh getting more anxious than I was. Faster than my brain could recognize, my underwear was ripped out from under me and Josh’s hand was finally on me, gripping down. I let out an involuntary moan at the contact and Josh reacted with a hip thrust. “Let it out baby, I wanna hear you.” His hand started to move, using my precum as lube. He was stroking slower than I wish he would, though I’m sure it’s all a part of his plan to make me lose my mind. When he started to pick up the pace, I let the sounds of pleasure drip from my mouth like he asked. The louder I got, the faster he moved and the harder the bites on my neck became. A fire started to burn in the pit of my stomach and I knew I wouldn’t last much longer. My whines were getting higher pitched and Josh picked up on it. He practically growled, “You gonna cum for me baby?” I whimper a ‘yes’ and Josh moves faster, gripping harder. “Go on, cum for me.” That was all it took for me to let go and release all over Josh’s fist and my stomach. Gasping for breath, my head was thrown back and hips bucking into Josh’s grip as he helped me come down off my high, smiling into neck where he was still placing kisses. “Good boy.”

I laid there in pure bliss for a minute, trying catch my breath. Josh stood up and began to walk away. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get a washcloth to clean you up. I’ll be right back, I promise.” I didn’t want Josh to leave but he made good on his promise and was back in seconds, a wet and warm cloth in hand, wiping my mess off his hand and my stomach. When I came back to reality, I noticed a visible tent in Josh’s pants.

“What about you?” I asked, pointing to his pelvis.

“Don’t worry about it, I wanted to take care of you.” He tossed the rag somewhere into the corner of the room and picked my boxers up off the ground and let me pull them back on. Tugging back the sheets, Josh climbed under them and beckoned for me to join him. “So, how was it?” Josh asked coyly. I let out a low chuckle and snuggled into his side as my answer. Laying my head in the crook of his shoulder, Josh turned to kiss my forehead. The pull of sleep was in my mind once again and I knew I was a goner when I felt fingers dragging through my hair. Right before I fell asleep, I thought that one of these days, I’ll have to return the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now the smut has begun. I don't think I'm any good at it, but well, there ya go.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAMN, over 50,000 words now. and yeah, I literally have no excuse for that long absence. Sorry everyone. Good news is that this chapter is a little longer than the others so hopefully that helps? And we get to hear about Josh's past (o0o0o0h, y'all asked for drama soooo....) and I don't wanna ruin anything but there is a TW (read ahead for said warning or avoid for spoilers) I made sure to update the tags, let me know if I missed one
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> TW: for relationship abuse and suicide attempt so I won't be upset if some of you skip the second half of this chapter.

The sheets were cold when I came back around to the world of the living. Instinctively, I reached out for Josh and found I was gripping only air. Prying my eyes open, I realized that I really was alone in the room. The feeling of despair hit the pit of my stomach faster than my mind could process. This is one of the things I had feared. Did I overstep my bounds by asking Josh to get closer? Did he think it was some kind of a mistake? Was it too soon? I have to force myself to push those ideas back and away from the front of my mind. It’s upsetting to know that bad thoughts creep into my head first before logic can set in, but it had been that way for as long as I could remember. I make myself take a deep breath and sit up, all while tugging my hair, a nervous tick I never could kick.

The kittens must have heard me stirring and both jump onto the bed to greet me. Ruby heads straight into my arms, tucking herself into my neck and purring up a storm while J.B. hangs back, batting at my feet under the sheets. I lay with them a little while as it seems they came to join me and make me feel better. When I can’t sit still anymore and wondering where Josh went, I pull back the sheets and shiver when the cold air hits my body. That’s right, I’m still not wearing any clothes. I manage to find and put on my shirt but instead of putting my jeans back on, I opted for Josh’s sweatpants I found draped over his closet door. Hopefully he doesn’t mind, these things are soft as hell and I could use a little of his comfort right now.

As I bent to pick up the rest of our clothes from the ground, Ruby jumps on my back and I let her drape across my shoulders with a small smile. Someones affectionate today. Digging my phone out of my pocket, I notice an unread text.

**Jish: Sorry I snuck out, I just didn’t have the heart to wake you. I’ll be back soon, just going out to buy some food and stuff and then I’ll be back**

A hint of a smile tugs at my lips, ‘see nervous version of Tyler? Nothing to worry about...’ I repeat over and over in my head.

**You: sorry I fell asleep on you**

Pocketing my phone, I walk slowly down the hall trying not to let Ruby lose her balance, but J.B. is making things difficult walking between my legs like he’s doing. I manage to make it to the living room when I feel my phone buzz with a reply from Josh.

**Jish: no no, it’s fine, you were tired out, I’m just that good I guess ;) you looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn’t wanna wake you to tell you I was heading to the store for a min, but I’ll be home soon. movie tonight?**

My heart fluttered and breath caught in my throat. Not only was he okay, or more than okay with earlier, but he said he was coming ‘ _home_ ’. One little word was making all the difference to my anxious mind. It might sound weird to most but it was like a confirmation that everything I wanted was real and it was happening. It wasn’t just a house Josh and I lived in but a _home_.

**You: yeah, sounds great**

The second I hit send, I was surprised to have my phone start ringing. It left me confused for a moment before I recognized that it was Brendon calling me back.

“Hello? Are you more coherent?” I tease, flopping down on the couch.

“Tyler, I have way too much of a headache for the sass I feel you putting out.” He still had a deep, groggy voice like earlier but at least he was able to form complete sentences.

“Brendon, that was nothing!”

“Umm, can you not shout? Pretty sure I just said I had a headache.”

“Wow,” I snort back, “someone woke up with an attitude this morning, or actually,” I pull the phone back to check the time, “this afternoon.” I get a groan in response. “Feel any better than a couple hours ago? Make it out of the bath tub yet?”

“Yes, I am currently face down in my hallway but I am out of the tub.”

“You’re not still wearing your puke covered clothes are you?”

“No, I stripped in the bathroom and tried to make it to my room for new clothes but this is as far as I got.”

I shake my head in disbelief, “So you’re lying in your hallway butt-ass-naked? Not a single piece of clothing?”

“Eww, no Tyler, they had puke on them. That’s disgusting.” He says matter-of-factly as if I sounded like the stupid one here.

“I can’t believe you right now.” I try to sound incredulous.

“And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about you and Josh sooner than you guys fuckin’ mackin’ right in front of me and hundreds of people.”

I hold my breath, deciding whether or not I’d rather save this story for in person. Brendon made up my mind for me by catching on to my hesitation.

“Tyler...you went quiet. Is there something _else_  you’d like to tell me?” A hint of knowing in his voice.

“Umm, well, uhh...”

“Tyler Robert Joseph, this is important, what happened?” he egged on.

“Josh and I went to breakfast today.” I supply nonchalantly.

I hear a loud scoff, “Oh please, quit stalling.”

“And then we came back here.”

“Where you...” he trailed off, waiting for me to fill in the blank.

“Made out some more-”

“Well that’s not very scandalous-”

“And then he gave me a handjob.” I squeaked out fast so as not to lose my courage to say it.

The line went scarily quiet. I couldn’t even hear breathing from the other end. I thought for a second the call might have dropped when a louder-than-humanly-possible yell came from the other end.

“TYLER, sluttin’ it up like the rest of us! Oh my god, that’s incredible! Ahh, I can’t wait to tell Dallon.”

“You better not! Bren I swear to god, don’t you fucking dare.”

“No Tyler, you don’t get it.”

“What’s there to get?” I mutter, clearly not understanding something.

“Him and I made a bet after the four of us hung out at the apartment together watchin’ you two snuggle an’ shit – just how long would it take for you guys to get physical. I won.”

“What exactly was the wager? What did you guys guess? Why do I even wanna know?” I sputtered.

“I said within the week, Dallon tried to say you were too innocent, it would take a lot longer than that. Poor guy, thinks you’re too cute to be corrupted so early. But damn if Josh isn’t fast.”

A blush immediately falls on my face before I admit, “It was actually me that suggested we do it.” I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the response.

“Even better! You’ll be a full-blown floozy in no time!”

“You know what, we can end this conversation here.”

“No wait, when you guys gonna bang? I need to know!”

I drag a hand along my face, hoping to wipe the blush away, “None of your business if and when we sleep together!”

“Of course it is! We already took bets on that too.”

“You did not...”

“Obviously.” By this point, my face is buried in my hands and Brendon is chuckling on the other end of the line when I hear the door open signaling Josh’s return home. I can’t let him know Brendon and I were talking about he and I and whatever ‘activities’ we might get up to.

“Brendon, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later. Go put some clothes on.”

“Wait, are you and Josh gonna do it? Let me know when you lose your virgi-” I hang up as fast as possible and then chuck my phone away to the other end of the couch along with the filthy thoughts.

Standing far too quickly, enough to blur my vision for a moment, I rush to the door to see Josh struggling through the door with over a dozen grocery bags.

“Need any help?” I offer.

Josh looks up from setting the bags down and his eyes light up the moment they connect with mine. “Nah, s’all good. I’m a one-trip-or-die-tryin’ kinda guy.” We both let out a light laugh as he scans me up and down. “Are those my pants?” I stare wide-eyed for a minute, trying to judge if he’ll get mad or not. I’m relieved when he shows a crooked grin, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. “You look great in them.”

“Is it really possible to look great in sweatpants?” I ask sarcastically.

“For you? Yes. It’s very comfort meets thrifty chic.” Shoving his shoulder playfully, I grab a few bags and head to the kitchen table, Josh right in tow.

“What did you even buy?”

Josh sets the majority on the table, a few spilling onto the counters. “Well, you did mention that I have like zero food in the house, and you would be right. I also realized that I have maybe two good bath towels and I’m on the last of my toiletries. Figured I should load up now that there’s two of us living here. Which,” he pauses to point a finger at me, “reminds me, if you ever wanna change something about the place or add something to it, let me know.”

A barking laugh escapes me, “Yeah, okay. I have no immediate plans to renovate the place but yes, a few shower gels and actual food is a nice touch Jishwa.”

“Glad to hear I did well.” Josh starts sorting through the bags and starts telling me where to store everything he bought. “Also, since you cooked pancakes yesterday and I’m finally recovered from breakfast this morning, I bought stuff for dinner tonight.”

“Dinner and a movie? I like the sound of that.” I smile at him and kiss his shoulder as I pass by. I’m stopped in my tracks by a hand snaking around my waist and pulling my backwards until I’m flush against Josh’s chest.

“I hope you don’t mind staying in tonight. Thought about taking you out but the weather is supposed to take a turn for the worse and,” he pauses to pull me in even tighter, “I’d rather have you all to myself here.”

Turning my head, I’m able to peck him quick on his lips. “I’d prefer it anyways.” He smiles and buries his face in my neck, kissing lightly along my shoulder. “Besides, I don’t need anyone getting jealous that their boyfriend isn’t as hot as mine.” A warm, breathy chuckle comes from behind at my remark. “So what’s for dinner? Can I help?”

Josh lets me go and grabs a few ingredients and hands them to me. “Sure, dice these and let me know when you’re done.”

Shooting Josh a quick salute, I announce, “Yes sir.”

Josh chuckles again and I can just see with what natural light is left in the house a faint, dark look in his eyes, one I recognized from the concert right before…

“Tyler, I wouldn’t call me that all the time. Let’s save it for something special, huh?”

 

Josh turns out to be a surprisingly good cook. It’s especially helpful when the corresponding movie he chooses turns out to be a B-list sci-fi indie film. Trying to get into the movie was difficult and proved to be easier to just laugh at the terrible special effects and even worse acting. Josh was trying to explain that it’s not the CGI or big time actors that make the movie, but the heart and originality in it. I can’t say I enjoyed the film, but I certainly loved to watch it with someone as enthusiastic and open-minded as Josh.

Right towards the end where the hero and his daughter are the last two to survive the zombie apocalypse, Josh’s phone starts to ring. He asks to pause the movie and steps out of the room with a giant smile on his face, screaming “hey man!” before disappearing into his room. Taking advantage of the break, I rush to the bathroom and then the kitchen to make a big bowl of popcorn. Josh bought the kind with theater butter and honestly, how could I have gotten so lucky. I crack open two red bulls and head back to the couch when Josh plops down next to me, pulling me into his side.

Peering up I see his grin hasn’t left his face, eyes crinkled in the corners. “Sorry, I had to answer that, it was my friend Gerard I was telling you about, the one who used to live here and I haven’t seen in a while?”

“Oh that’s cool. You were saying you haven’t even texted him in a long time, you guys make plans to hang out?”

“No, he said he wasn’t feeling good so I probably shouldn’t go see him. He sounded awful but he just said that it’s been too long since we talked and he was sorry he hasn’t at least texted me in a while.” He pauses to take a swig of his drink and shove a handful of popcorn in his mouth before continuing. “A lot on his plate he said, family stuff; I didn’t want to pry.” A piece of half chewed popcorn lands on me and I flick the piece back at Josh muttering something about him being gross while he just laughed and apologized. “Anyways, he said he’d try to text me more and maybe we’ll get together soon.”

“That’s good. I’d love to meet him.” The cats jumped up onto the couch to join the cuddle party, Ruby demanding she squeeze between Josh and I while J.B. stuck his paw in the popcorn trying to scoop a piece. Josh chuckled and scooped the kitten up, scolding him, though J.B. looked less than impressed.

“Yeah, I’d love for you guys to meet. He’s basically my best friend, into a lot of the same stuff I am. He got me the job at Guitar Center ya know. Owe him a lot.” Josh started to stare off into the nothing and I could see there was a story or two he thought to tell but I wouldn’t pull it out of him if he wasn’t ready. Shaking the thoughts away, Josh snuck a glance at me and found me staring up at him, waiting patiently. “I owe him my life actually.”

My mind jumped to the worst of conclusions. I didn’t want what Josh was about to say be true for anyone, especially someone as kindhearted as Josh. Burying my face into his neck and clinging to his middle, Josh told me his story.

“I know I told you that I was bi, and my parents were hesitant at first and came around eventually, and you would think that that would be the worst that could happen, but it wasn’t. It was in freshman year of college when I gave dating boys a go, and found that I liked it. I liked it a lot actually.” He chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the mood. “But not every encounter I had was a good one. My relationship with my parents was rocky and some of my friends, believe it or not, abandoned me. I tried to stay strong. I kept thinking ‘my parents will see their error soon enough and so will my friends, and if not, fuck ‘em, I’ll make new ones.”

“At this point, I had messed around with a few guys and then I started to date this one, we’ll call him Todd. He was the first I’d ever had sex with. And being that close to someone, especially your first, it pulls strong feelings and connections and ties to them. Where I saw commitment, he saw possession. Eventually, I wasn’t allowed to go out without him, I wasn’t allowed to wear my normal clothes, it was the ones he picked out. He even planned my next semester’s schedule to match his so I wouldn’t be able to cheat on him, he’d always know where I was. Of course I would never cheat on anyone, even him, but he never trusted me.”

Josh coughed to clear his throat and when I peeked up I saw his eyes shining like he was holding back tears. “Gerard begged me to leave him before things got worse. Hell, he tried getting me to break it off before they even got that bad, but I thought I was in love, and that it was normal for people like Todd to get jealous, ‘he was only trying to be protective’ I would say. Things weren’t always bad, but they were never very good either. Then one day it took me a couple minutes longer to get back to my dorm because I had to talk to my professor about a paper that was due soon and Todd flipped as soon as I walked in the door. He started shouting, throwing things, accusing me of seeing someone else. I told him he was crazy, it was only a few extra minutes that I was gone and _bam_ , he hit me. That was the first time, right across the face.”

I winced in my seat, and tried to shift even closer into Josh’s embrace, where he then tightened his grasp, rubbing soft circles into my arm.. It hurt to hear him sound so upset and to know that he got hurt himself, and yet he was still trying to comfort me. How is that even possible?

“He pulled me back up off the ground by my hair and smacked me in the same spot. When I fell a second time, he didn’t get me off the floor and kicked me instead. Just once, but it was enough to bruise a rib for a few weeks. He stormed out, I was  _sure_  he’d never do it again once he saw how much he hurt me – but I was wrong.”

“This went on for weeks, me doing something, anything ‘wrong’ to him, and he’d slap me, or punch me, whatever he thought I deserved and you know what? After a while, I felt like I did deserve it. No one should be beat up or kicked around, so I must really be doing something wrong. At this point, I stopped to talking to family altogether and the only friend I had left was Gerard and there was nothing Todd could do about that, he was my roommate. Gerard later told me he wanted to try tough love with me to get me to realize just how bad things had gotten but said he was too afraid I’d actually think he hated me and that I’d do something dangerous. Not to ruin the arc of this story for ya but I did it anyway.”

“I’d fight against myself just as much as Todd would and it got to be too much. He made me believe my family didn’t love me, my friends didn’t love me, he didn’t love me, and to top it off, I didn’t even love me. What kind of life was that? I was alone, I was exhausted and hurt mentally, emotionally, physically...why go on? There was no way to get better. If I had no purpose, if no one truly cared for me, what was the point? I’d be doing everyone a favor if I just wasn’t around anymore.” The hurt from all of this flooding back was evident in Josh’s voice. The strain of holding back tears left it raspy, and broken. “So one day, I thought what better than to use one of Todd’s guns – he’d bought a couple during our relationship. First under the guise of protecting me, and then eventually threatening me with them, hit with them, aimed at, held to my head...” Josh was at this point shaking, recalling more dark images, narrating them for me. “I figured, I’d let him hurt me one last time, but by my hands instead. Some sick idea of having some kind of control I guess. I’d get to be the one to end my life, not him. I wouldn’t have to live anymore in the fear of will today be the day? Will I die by someone I thought loved me tonight, tomorrow?”

“So I wrote my goodbyes. I apologized to my family, telling them I loved them and that hopefully one day, they’d accept me and not forget about me. I left Gerard a note too, I wanted him to know that I loved him and hoped he’d forgive me for the mess I’ve made – figuratively and literally.” Josh let out a low, dark chuckle but I couldn’t join him. Real tears were welling up in my eyes at the image I had in my head. Josh, thinking over his life, knowing he’d only have minutes to live since he’d made up his mind. My heart was beating far too loudly and Josh could sense it, pulling me in tighter.

“That’s when Gerard walked in. I was sitting on my bed, gun in hand, feeling the weight of it all. He didn’t shout, he didn’t freak out, he just set his bag down and closed the door and stood there. We watched each other for a minute before he started talking to me. To be honest, I can’t even remember what we talked about but I could see him move closer, inch by inch until he sat down on the bed next to me. I didn’t even fight him as he took the gun from my hand and the _moment_  he took it, I broke down. I’m talking ugly crying, sobbing, the whole nine yards. But Gerard didn’t care about any of that. He just held me and let me cry into him while he made quick work unloading the clip.” Josh huffed a quick laugh, “I remember a few bullets dropping to the floor and he asked if I planned on missing. That’s just who we were before, always joking, even when it wasn’t appropriate.”

“That’s when Todd stormed in, looking for me. That had been a part of my plan. I wanted him to see me, read my note to him, telling him there were more bullets in the gun if he wanted to join me in hell. I thought I was being creative and cryptic. But when he saw Gerard’s arms around me, he assumed something else had happened and he just became so enraged. He started screaming about how he was going to kill me and Gerard and that’s when Gerard drew the gun on him. He and I knew it wasn’t loaded but Todd didn’t. His face was better than I could have hoped. He looked so surprised and scared, it felt good to be on the other side of the barrel for once. Gerard told him he never wanted to see him again, he was never to see me again, and if he ever found out anything happened to me, he would hunt him down himself and do what he’d done to me tenfold, but he wouldn’t leave alive.”

Taking a deep breath, Josh straightened himself up to finish his story. “I never did see Todd again. About a week later, he drove home drunk and swerved into a ravine, flipping his car and he ended up dying on the way to the hospital. I only know that because I saw it on the news. And I know I shouldn’t be happy about any person dying, but I felt like he had it coming, at least he didn’t take anyone with him.”

Josh and I sat still and somber, letting Josh’s story sink in fully. Too many emotions were flooding my brain for me to handle – I wanted to hurt Todd myself so bad, I wanted to hug and thank Gerard a million times over, and I wanted Josh to know that he never has to feel like that again. It didn’t feel like my place to speak just yet so I waited for Josh to speak first.

“I knew you needed to hear that story at some point, I just didn’t know when.”

“It’s alright. I mean, you have a past and so do I. When we’re ready to talk about it, that’s when we’ll talk about it. But I feel so appreciative that you shared that with me. I’m so incredibly sorry that you had to go through all that and I know that it won’t mean that much now, but I wouldn’t have wanted that end for you. I wouldn’t have wanted Todd to hurt you the way he did. And I promise to never treat you like that or make you feel that way ever.”

“But Tyler, it does mean that much. It means that it’s worth it to stay alive. It gets better. At that point, everything was so bad that I thought I’d never get to smile again, I’d never get to feel loved again, I’d never have anyone else special in my life again, I’d have no purpose. But I do – I do now cuz I chose to live on. It doesn’t mean that everything is easy now, I still struggle with things, but Tyler it is so, so much better.”

“Well I’m very happy to hear that Jishwa.”

Josh sat quiet for another minute before kissing my forehead and reaching for the remote. “Alright, now let’s finish this movie and then there’s on more I gotta show ya, it’s a good one, I promise.”

“That’s what you said about this one!” I whine.

“Yeah, and it is! Zombies and the apocalypse, it’s good stuff. The only thing that tops that is aliens and government conspiracy theories.”

“Which is what we’re watching next I presume?”

“You would presume correct.”

“Fine, but next time, I’m picking the movies.”

“Whatever you say Ty, whatever you say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this is a fictional story but real talk, if any of you guys are feeling like you need to harm yourself or that it doesn't matter anymore, please, please talk to me. I may not know any of you personally but it breaks my heart to think of people who feel this way. I'm not invalidating your struggles or anything, but I just want everyone to know that I love you, I care about you, and IT DOES GET BETTER. I can promise you. I can promise you that you are worthy, you are loved, you would be missed, and that it's all worth it. Stay alive my frens |-/ If you need to talk, I'm on tumblr with the same name, american_heiress, talk to me.


	16. A/N update

Not a real chapter, just an update.

Ok so cool story, I can no longer live in my house that I'm renting for the time being and my laptop may or may not be fried.

Me and my roommates and our cats got out ok, so that's the important part. But basically there was a downed wire in our backyard which grounded to our water pipes which burst with a surge and so we had water gushing into our house with sparks coming from the outlets and smoke from several different parts of the house and yeah. So several appliances and whatnot that were plugged in at the time were ruined, including my laptop which had the next couple chapters of this story mapped out. Now I did save them on a flash drive but I have no computer right now and I'm giving you guys this update on my phone. So I'm very, very sorry for the lack of updates for awhile but I promise that as soon as I can, I will update! I wouldn't wanna leave you guys hangin!

Love you all and could really use some positive vibes right now ❤️ |-/


	17. I Have Returned

hello my frens. I just wanted to give you guys an update and let you know that I'm back in my house, I have a laptop again (thank the gods) and I will return to writing. Idk when I'll post the next chapter, but look for it soon. Thanks <3 p.s. I posted a random fic I literally woke up in the middle of the night to start writing that for some reason just had to be written. It has nothing to do with this fic and is really just a one shot but hey, 4,000 words of Joshler is still pretty good right?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all again for being so patient and kind and sending good vibes. I told you I'd be back and here I am. I figured I'd skip ahead a little bit in the story, I was gone for a few weeks, they can be too haha
> 
> Enjoy, I know I did.

Several Weeks Later

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It was a Sunday, a designated lazy day. By some miracle, neither Josh nor I had to work and it was decided well before now that we would sleep in, stay in bed as long as possible, and spend the whole day doing nothing. Was there laundry to do? Were there groceries to be bought? Was there Josh’s birthday to plan for? Of course, but not today.

I woke before Josh did, yet another miracle, and I was absolutely content to lay there forever. The sun had not yet risen over the horizon but everything was starting to get brighter. From where I was laying, a soft light cascaded over the room and even Josh. I had scooted out of his grasp in favor of rolling over to watch him. In retrospect, it could be construed as creepy, but I have caught him on several occasions doing it to me, so I don’t feel too bad.

Josh was laying on his side, eyes sealed shut and hair completely skewed in every direction. Whatever color he had was almost completely faded and his dark brown roots were most prominent. He talked of redying it but was undecided so he said he was waiting until he made up his mind. I think it had to do with me saying I liked the dark, natural color best, but I could be mistaken.

I watched his chest rise and fall, even and peaceful breaths running over his slightly pouted lips. The early morning light casted a shadow on his face, causing his stubble to amplify his jaw line and muscular throat. Areas that I loved to kiss and bite at over and over, earning the most delicious moans Josh could offer. Lastly, I looked down to Josh’s hand, waiting right in between us, fingers twitching. I think I loved his hands the most. They were a paradox I’d told him once. When he said he didn’t understand, I myself found it challenging to explain. They were rough, calloused, and hardened by day to day life – and yet they were the softest part about him. I have never felt something so gentle before as the ghost of Josh’s touch on my face, my forearm, my bare chest…

Deciding that as much as I loved watching Josh in his peaceful slumber, I’d be happier yet back in his embrace. As gingerly as I could manage, I lifted his extended arm to place around my waist and push further against his body. Our legs tangled, I tucked my head into the crook of his shoulder, breathing in deep the smell of Josh’s skin. I couldn’t put a name to the scent, it wasn’t overly musky as one might think, but certainly nothing floral or sweet either. It was simply, Josh.

I hadn’t realized I’d fallen back asleep until waking up to light kisses on my forehead. As cute as this was, who dares to wake a sleeping person on a designated lazy Sunday. “Hey, baby wake up.” Groaning instead of actually responding, I could feel Josh chuckle with my face still pressed to the column of his throat. My whole face vibrated with Josh’s morning voice, pressing me to wake up. “Babe, come on, it’s past ten.”

Refusing to move or open my eyes, I mumble against his neck, “Still really early…”

“I know, but we can’t sleep in too much, it’ll throw off our schedules for tomorrow morning.”

I grumble again, “How can you already be talking about tomorrow morning when we haven’t even gotten through this one?”

“Well one of us has to be responsible. I can make you breakfast if you want?” Josh offered.

“No, I told you I would make it this morning if you make dinner. Just…” A yawn forced itself upon me, “just give me a minute.” Stretching as far as my tired body would allow while still managing to stay in Josh’s grip, I try to force my body to become more awake and alert. “Okay, I think I can do it.” Sitting up was a challenge and leaving my cocoon of warmth alongside Josh, but as I leaned forward to stand up, I felt a quick, sharp slap on my ass from a sleepy-eyed Josh.

“Thanks babe.” He smiled back at me.

“Yeah yeah, you’re welcome.” I shuffle down the hall towards the kitchen, shouting over my shoulder. “What kind of coffee do you want?”

“Surprise me!” Should’ve known. Boy doesn’t care what kind so long as I keep it coming. The kitchen floor was cold under my bare feet as I maneuvered around the room, gathering all my supplies. All I could ever manage was a moderate breakfast right after waking but Josh, he was hungry at all times. Knowing we’d have to go shopping sometime this week, I figured I’d use up the last of the ingredients for a big egg, sausage, and hash brown breakfast. When we’re both working, it’s hard to find the time to make full breakfasts for ourselves, let alone to share.

I had just started on the eggs, my focus on making the yolks just right, when I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my middle, a hot breath on my bare shoulder. Leaning back into the embrace, Josh’s scruff scratched my skin and made me giggle, getting a chuckle out of him.

“You remember that first morning after you moved in? And you were making me breakfast as part of Josh-appreciation-day you called it?”

“Is that the time you startled me and I unknowingly raised my spatula in self-defense?” I mused.

“Yes, that would be the one I was talking about.” He snickered.

“What about it?” I try to keep my attention on cooking and not ruining anything but Josh always made focusing on anything other than him quite difficult. I’d say it’s mostly his touch and kisses that do the worst of the distracting.

“This is what I really wanted to do.” He emphasized his words by tightening his grip, pressing a light kiss on my neck just behind my ear. Letting out a little sigh, I try to turn in Josh’s grasp but he holds me in place. “No, stay like this.” One of Josh’s arms snakes around my chest and neck to keep me still and the other travels freely across my torso. He keeps up with the kisses on my neck and shoulder, trading a few for bites. Reaching back to get a handful of whatever I can, I found that Josh had become aroused. Swatting my hand away before I could even do anything, Josh positioned himself and his hard on right between the cleft of my ass. A suppressed whine gets caught in my throat and Josh is tutting in my ear. “None of that sweetheart, you know I love to hear you.” Josh’s wandering hand traces my Adonis belt and pauses at the waistline, waiting for clearance.

“Josh, mm-please…” is all I need to breathe out for him to slide past the elastic and grab ahold of my half-hard member. He is only rubbing slowly, but he has also now started to grind in time with his strokes, the thin fabric of our pajama bottoms not leaving much to the imagination. It takes virtually no time at all for me to become fully erect, mind foggy and knees weak. I do as was asked of me and hold nothing back as sounds of pleasure pour out of my parted lips. I have to hold onto the counter and Josh for support but manage to keep grinding back onto Josh who is now breathing heavily onto my neck and into my ear.

With no warning at all, Josh removes his hands and backs away from me. Thank god I was so close to the counter or else I would’ve collapsed on the spot. Confusion takes over my face and when I look back to Josh to see what was the matter, he looks about as disheveled as me, but with a wicked, crooked grin. “Your eggs are burning.” Is all he says before walking out of the room.

I’m left in a compromising position with a dazed-out mind and he leaves just like that? “Josh! I can’t believe you did that! This isn’t over!”

Hearing a chuckle down the hall, all he responds with is, “I’m counting on it!”

 

Breakfast was hard to get through. Literally. I’m not sure if Josh went to go jack off in the bathroom or what but he was totally fine, chipper even, while I sat there, dick hard and no relief. In fact, it was worse as Josh kept teasing me the whole time we tried to eat. I’d feel his foot rub against my leg, or he’d reach across the table and stroke my skin, or just his tone of voice he was using with keeping me all riled up and I hated it – and loved it. Josh was definitely going to get it after we’re done eating.

“Well, I’m gonna go back in the bed like we planned to do all day, you can do dishes since I cooked. Alright bye.”

Raising his eye brows with a smirk, Josh didn’t protest and got right to work. Fortunately, (or unfortunately for him), so did I. Climbing back into bed, I stripped down to nothing and lay in wait for Josh’s return. If he wanted to mess with me, then I was most certainly not going to miss an opportunity to do it back. Reaching down to my still-hard dick, I begin stroking slowly, wanting to last. It’s far too slow compared to what I wanted Josh to do again, but this is mostly for show. Since he still hasn’t returned, I figured I’d turn up the heat a little bit and start moaning and whimpering. A bit exaggerated of course, but again, this was to get Josh’s attention – and hopefully he’ll take the bait.

My wish was granted when not ten seconds later, Josh rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks. I tried my best to give him ‘I need you’ eyes and posture, all while still panting his name. “Josh, please,” I breathe out. His eyes glossed over momentarily then burst with lust as he flung himself onto the bed, ready to take over. Perfect. “Wait,” Josh didn’t look like he wanted to wait, his cock now fully erect again, hands shaking and ready to be put to use. “I want to try something,” I confess while biting my lip.

“O-okay.” Sitting up to be face to face with Josh, I roll him over so that he is underneath me and I can feel his cock pressing against my bare ass. His sweats are still in the way, but that’s what I wanted. I want to tease him. I lean down, pressing kisses all over his chest, nipples, neck, jaw, and finally lips. My hand is tangled in his curls and his are shifting down and down to finally come to rest on my hips, one reaching further back to cup my ass. An unintended whimper escapes me, but no matter, it only adds fuel to the fire. I begin grinding down on Josh’s sheathed shaft, his groans becoming more coarse and frequent. We’ve messed around plenty of times, but still haven’t had sex, per my request. Josh is not only my first serious boyfriend, he’s the only one I’ve gone this far with and intend on going even further. He has been very patient thus far, and I’d like to hold off, even for a little bit longer if I can.

When even I can’t take it anymore, I break away from kissing and come up for air, pausing my gyrating as well. Josh’s hips stutter forward, instinct kicking in and searching for the friction once again. Josh’s hair is flying in every direction, pupils blown, and lips red, slick, and swollen – I can only imagine I look the same. Locking eyes, I slowly climb backwards from Josh’s lap and drag him to the edge of the bed, me sinking to my knees between his legs. I never lose eye contact as I tug Josh’s pants down his legs and toss them somewhere behind me. My hands graze over the milky skin of his thighs, breath hot on his leaking cock.

Tentatively, I reach up to grab the base of Josh’s shaft and wait, I want the begging. When Josh senses my apprehension, he balls his fists into the sheets and whines, “Tylerrr…” and that’s enough for me. I take just the head into my mouth and hear Josh hiss at the contact, his body finding some relief. One of his hands releases the sheets and finds its way into my hair. Leaning into it, Josh gets the hint and tugs slightly, me moaning around him in response, eliciting a groan in return. I break off for only a moment, to lock eyes again through hooded lashes and then in one fluid motion, take all of Josh at once. His head rolls back in pleasure, the column of his throat bared, Adam’s apple bobbing with every sharp intake of air.

Josh and I were quite shocked to find that I had no gag reflex, though I can assure you, it was a pleasant surprise. He hits the back of my throat with every movement of my head but there is no gagging, even when his hips begin to shift upwards, seeking to go deeper. I move my hands from massaging his balls to holding his hips still. I was in charge this time, even when it was more fun when Josh took control. This was going to be payback for what he did before breakfast.

When I could feel Josh getting more and more restless and becoming louder and louder above me, I knew he was getting close. The fingers tangled in my hair pulled sharply, his breath quickening. “Ty, baby I’m gonna cum.” He growled.

Without so much as a warning, I stood up, “Okay,” and walked out of the bedroom, Josh left with the most confused and almost hurt look on his face.

“Wait! Wait, where are you going?” His voice was pained and out of breath.

Peeking back around the edge of the doorway, “Oh, I’m sorry, were we not just walking away when someone was enjoying themselves?”

Josh’s cock was an angry red, he was right on the edge, and now I kind of feel a little bad, must be painful. He still kind of deserved it though.

“What?” A look of clarity washed over Josh’s face, then returned back to discomfort. “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I won’t do that again, I promise.”

I step forward to lean on the doorway, arms folded, “Yes you will, you loved doing that, didn’t you?”

Josh looks ashamed but makes no effort to change it. He knows he’s been caught. “Yes, but please, Tyler I’m begging you-”

“What do you want Josh?” I purred. This being in control was kind of addicting. When no response came, I gave him another chance to answer, “What do you want me to do Josh?”

Josh seemed to snap back to his senses and began to plead, “I want you to come back here.”

“And?”

“And I want you to let me throatfuck you. I want to hold you down and use your pretty little mouth and cum down your throat, make you swallow my whole load.” He continued to babble while my mind reeled. Shit, sounds good to me.

Without saying another word, I walked slowly back to the bed and pulled Josh up to stand next to me. He didn’t look like he would be able to hold himself up for long until I laid down on the bed, my head hanging off the edge, mouth open wide and waiting.

“Fuck,” was all Josh said before he lined himself up and rammed back into my mouth. I knew he only had less than a minute left when his hips started to lose their rhythm. Reaching down, I attempted to grab my own neglected cock, only to have Josh swat my hand away and replace it with his own. I moaned around Josh and he groaned above me. Since I had been hard since before breakfast, it did not take much for me to begin to feel the tight coil in my stomach, knowing I would cum soon. I latched onto Josh, trying to signify how close I was since speaking wasn’t really an option. “I’m gonna cum too Ty…” He moved his spare hand from holding himself up to around my throat, feeling his dick brush past with every thrust. “Tyler…” Josh breathed out, grunting with every snap of his hips and then everything went white as he and I tipped over the edge together.

Josh pulled out and I got my first good intake of air in a while, even with a load of cum sitting in my mouth. “Swallow it,” Josh demanded and I obeyed. I’ve found that I wasn’t too partial to the taste, but that was always the last thing on my mind. Holding my tongue out with an open wide smile to show it was all gone, Josh seemed pleased. “Good boy.” After kneeling for a quick, sloppy kiss, Josh left the room, presumably to go get us something to clean up.

Sitting up was a challenge as all the blood rushed to my head, not to mention coming down from an orgasm. Josh returned a minute later with a warm cloth and wiped down my stomach, then my parts and his, both he and I hissing from oversensitivity. “That was, uh, that was really something Ty.”

“Yeah, well, I was planning on making you wait a little longer, make you really beg, but you looked so positively wrecked, I couldn’t do it.”

Laying down under the sheets and pulling me in close, Josh chuckled, “Thanks. But really, remind me not to tease you like that again.”

I snorted in response, “You liked it and you know it.”

The bed shook with Josh’s silent laughter, “Yeah, I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels good to start writing again. As with before, I can't guarantee a time schedule with chapter updates, but hopefully you'll all stick around :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found this fic again and opened it up on my computer and had this chapter waiting. Not sure why I never posted it. I think I may be able to swing back into this work if you guys are interested.

Josh was mumbling in his sleep again. His brow furrowed, lips in a pout, fingers twitching, and he kept repeating “no, no, no…” over and over again. My heart aches for him. If there was anything, any form of comfort I could provide, I’ve tried it. He won’t talk about it, not even to me. I told him since the news was broken to him that if he ever wanted to talk, that I would always listen. All I got from that conversation was shouting and anger. Him crying out “you don’t understand Tyler” and broken sobs of “why couldn’t it be me?” He has since apologized for taking his frustrations out on me even though I was never mad, but hearing that repeated over and over shook me, thinking, what if it had been Josh? What would I do? I’ve only known him for a few short months and yet, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. If this had happened to Josh, I wouldn’t even know what to do. Gerard was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and Josh’s best friend, the friend who saved his life, was going to die.

He had found out a week ago, when Gerard finally permitted Josh to see him. He had moved out so quickly and back with his family that Josh thought nothing of it – a family emergency followed by being ill, though Josh never suspected this. They texted back and forth frequently and even talked on the phone, but never met up in person, Gerard saying he didn’t feel well or like having company. Josh was too polite to push further. One day, Gerard texted Josh to come over, that he had to tell him something in person and Josh left in such a great mood – happy to finally be able to see his friend after so long. It feels like that was the last time I had seen Josh smile.

Now it was more like Josh was a zombie, in a state of surviving but not really _living_ , and I had no clue on how to help him. I called Brendon that first night when I couldn’t get Josh to say a word to me, only far off stares and silent tears. I didn’t want to interrupt anything important he might be doing still on the road but I didn’t know what else to do. I asked him to pass the phone to Dallon and see if he knew either what was going on or how to help. Dallon hadn’t heard anything about Gerard yet at that point and the only advice he could give me on Josh was to give him time. He’ll open up and come around in time. That first night was the hardest, Josh stuck in a catatonic stupor and me in a frantic, clueless state. It wasn’t until early morning that Josh blinked a few times at me and told me what happened. All of a sudden, it was like that floodgates had been opened and Josh himself was opening, weeping for his friend.

He has since tried to put on a brave face, but he hasn’t been the same. He’s asked Gerard why he hadn’t told him sooner, that maybe there’s another outcome for him. Gerard didn’t want Josh to know at all if that was possible he’d told him. He didn’t want Josh to feel like he was and overthink like he did - that if he could’ve saved him the knowledge of knowing he was gonna die he'd omit ever mentioning it at all. He thought about never telling him but he knew the pain of never seeing his friend before he passed would just about destroy Josh and him, even if he had to see him with sickly skin, gaunt face, and overall weakness. The doctors weren’t sure how much time he had left, but there was no reaction to the chemo, so they stopped trying. He was weak, voice losing its strength as well, signs of things shutting down. Josh had gone to visit him as often as Gerard and his family would let him. Not wanting to intrude was obvious, but I didn’t know how to show my support for Josh either. He had helped me with so much, and it felt like nothing I could do was going to make a difference.

I stayed at home when Josh went to visit, letting him have his privacy. Yesterday was the exception. Gerard had personally invited me to come with Josh so he could meet me. To say I was nervous was an understatement. There were so many gratuitous things I wanted to say or express at Gerard saving Josh’s life, but how do you do that? How could I possibly return the favor? I fiddled with my fingers and sat quietly while Gerard wanted to know everything that was going on in the outside world, mostly Josh’s life. He had told him that not much has changed except for me. Turns out, Gerard was very interested in Josh’s new “main squeeze” as Gerard had put it. He had told him all about how we had met, how he helped me, when I moved in and where our relationship is now. Josh and I sleep in his room now, my bed virtually untouched, which Gerard was quite disappointed in, recalling that when he used to own it, “it was a very fuckable mattress” he had said, drawing a slight smile on Josh. He had also told him that we hadn’t slept together like that yet and Gerard told him it was his final request for Josh and I “to do it”, and you can’t deny a dying man’s wish. Josh didn’t find that funny at all but Gerard tried to make him see the humor in it.

“You’ve gotta accept it Josh. I have. I don’t like it, but I have.” His voice raspy, sounding dry and uncomfortable.

“I know, it’s just, there’s so much left for you to do, Gee.”

“Don’t remind me.” Gerard coughed out.

Josh’s eyes went wide once he’d realized what he’d said and tried to backpedal, all while mumbling “sorry.”

“Don’t be, I was kidding. Well, not really kidding. It does suck to know that my art isn’t going to go anywhere, comics or music. But I created what I did, when I did, and it meant something at the time. That’s all I could ask for, right?”

Josh’s posture warmed up after thinking that over, agreeing with Gerard. “Yeah, and hey, they say after a man dies, the value of his work goes up.”

“See? Now you’re doing it.” Gerard smiled weakly, trying to convey he was happy with Josh’s mortifying joke. “That’s what I want from you Josh, and everyone really. I don’t want me dying to be a sad, somber thing. I was sad and somber in life, a real emo kid,” Josh chuckled and wiped a tear forming at the edge of his lashes, “but I want my death to be something different. I wore black most of my life growing up, but you know what? My favorite color is red.” Josh nodded, showing he had heard him, but not being able to look up just yet. “And even though I dressed and acted all dark and mysterious, you knew the real me. The comic book geek, the wannabe tortured artist, I want to be remembered like that.”

“Sure thing, Gee.” Josh smiled warmly at Josh and then turned his attention to me.

“So, Tyler, I hope Josh has taken you on better dates than this.” Josh huffed out a light laugh and I tried to keep my composure.

“Yeah, we’ve been on a few.”

“That’s good. Josh, do you mind if I have a minute alone with Tyler?” My eyes grew wide and my mind short circuited. What on Earth could Gerard want to say to me? This is his first time meeting me; and what couldn’t he say in front of Josh? Josh himself looked a little confused but agreed to Gerard’s request and backed out of the room. “Come sit up here, Tyler. I can’t shout like I used to.” A sad smile passed across Gerard’s dry, chapped lips and a memory from not too far away crossed in front of his eyes. I shifted so that I took Josh’s seat next to the bed and Gerard tried to sit up a little more. “So, Josh tells me you’re into music?”

“Umm, yeah. I play a few things, write some stuff.”

“Do you sing?”

“Yes, though I don’t think very well.”

“Oh, quit being modest Tyler. Josh told me all about your dreams about getting to play music. Sing and write and create for everyone to hear. Told me you have the voice of an angel.” Gerard smirked and cocked an eyebrow.

Smiling and looking away with a blush creeping on my cheeks, I think of Josh, “He would say something like that.”

“He loves you ya know.” My breath got caught in my throat and my eyes whipped back to focus on Gerard. “He hasn’t said it to you or me yet, but I know it, I can see it.” My blush was now far more prominent. “Any time I ask him what’s new, it’s always involving you. Even before I told him about all this,” he pauses to gesture to his bed-ridden body, “even when we were just shootin’ the shit, it always came back to you. And, I am so grateful for you.”

Now that took me by surprise. Gerard is grateful for me? What did I ever do for Josh that would make him say that. “But, why?” My question escaped my lips before I could stop it. “I should be the one to say that to you. I wanted to actually. Tell you that I was grateful.” I decide that just spewing everything I had pent up inside was going to have to do as a thank you. Hopefully he’d be able to follow along. “Josh told me about his abusive boyfriend from college. He told me the relationship he was in, how his life had hit such a low point and that he was going to –”, I had to pause and swallow back the tears forming from the thought alone, “that he was going to kill himself and you stopped him. You talked him down and then defended him against the guy. Gerard, I cannot tell you how incredibly thankful for you I am to have done that. If you hadn’t had been there or as great a friend as you were, and still are, I would never have met Josh. I would’ve probably frozen on that bridge or j-jumped in m-myself…” My eyes stinging and throat swelling up, I had to look down and away before trying to speak again. “My life has been forever changed because I met Josh. Not one thing about my life hasn’t been improved because of him. The bad got good and the good got better. I-I think I love him.”

The silence filling the room was damn near deafening – the only sound being my sniffling and Gerard’s labored breathing. Then, in the quiet, I felt a cold hand take a strong grasp on mine. “That, is why I’m indebted to you, Tyler.” Chancing a glance through my tear-logged lashes, I saw only sincerity in Gerard’s expression and knew he was being as honest as can be. “You and Josh, together, makes everything that I did worth it. I was so afraid that after that, he’d never really love again. It took him a long time to get to where he was when you met him and it was not an easy road. The moment he started talking about you, I knew things were different. I knew that he would be okay. And to hear your story, what happened to you and how me saving Josh saved you, it was all worth it. It’s worth it to stay alive.”

I stopped trying to wipe away the tears and let them freefall instead. Gerard was right. There were reasons for everything, good and bad, of that I was sure. You may never like what life throws at you, but you just have to endure and survive.

“Promise me one thing Tyler. Promise me that you’ll look after Josh. He needs you. Sometimes he’ll try to ‘stay strong’ and put on a brave face, but really, he’s just a big teddy bear.” That got a laugh out of me, knowing full well it was true. “I’m not sure exactly how much more time I have, but I will have to fill you in on as much Josh information as I can to help you get by. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out his adoration for cats.”

“We have two of them.” I smile sheepishly.

“Oh, well, you’re already off to a good start. The best way to get him to calm down or relax is by playing with his hair, I heard that’s your weakness as well?” I shrug and Gerard smirks back, knowing he was right. “Let’s see, he loves the X-Files and anything to do with aliens and space. Oddly enough, he’s afraid of the dark. He won’t ever admit it but he always feels better sleeping with some kind of night light.”

“Is that why he got one of those salt lamps?”

Gerard grins and rolls his eyes. “Yes, that’s probably exactly why.” He hums to himself and closes his eyes in thought before throwing them open. “Oh! Oreos are his kryptonite, followed by cereal and coffee.”

I bark out a laugh thinking of my first morning making food for Josh. He had nothing _but_  cereal and coffee in his kitchen cabinets, no real food in sight. “I was well aware of his affinity for those two but the Oreos I did not know, thanks.”

“No prob, that’s why I’m here. That should be good to get you started and I’m sure if I can think of anything else, I’ll text you. Can I have your number?” Getting Gerard’s phone from his side table, I enter in my info and send a text to myself so I can save his number later. “Wait, we didn’t talk about music! By now I’m sure you know that he listens to literally _anything and everything_. But the best thing you could do is sing to him. It’s weird, it makes him happier, sleepier, eases his anxiety, I don’t know, it just works depending on the situation.” I thought it over and it was true. When Josh and I would take car rides, I would sing along to the radio and I’d always catch him glancing my way, a giant smile on his lips. When we were just lying in bed together listening to a thunderstorm roll past, I sang him to sleep, even with all the noise. I haven’t tried it out yet on his anxious mind, but I suppose that would come in time.

It was then that Gerard got a far off look in his eye, an idea forming and I was too scared to ask. Eventually, he came back to the present and looked me dead in the eye. “Tyler, feel free to say no, but can you do me a favor?” Shying away a little, very warily I agreed. “Well, as you can tell, my voice is not anything like it used to be, and I can’t do much to even get out of this damn bed, but I still have more music left in me, at least one more song. Could you…could you help me?”

My heart had been weighing heavily on me since I had started talking to Gerard, but now it was officially broken. I wouldn’t know what to do if I wasn’t able to write or sing or play music. “Of course, I’ll help you. Do you want Josh to help too…?”

He shook his head. “No, it would kind of be for him. Well, my family as well, but him and I.” A violent coughing fit interrupted his thoughts and when his lungs had calmed down enough, Gerard sat back up and continued on. “I’ve got ideas, I just need someone who could sing and play for me. Josh said you play a keyboard?”

“Oh. I play, but I don’t have one.”

“That’s okay, mines tucked away in my closet behind you.” He raised a weak hand to point over my shoulder. “We can use that. Would you be willing to come over here in the next couple days and help me?”

“Sure, yeah, no problem.” I hastily agreed. Keeping this a secret from Josh would be tough, but I would do it for Gerard. He seemed to really want this to work out and I simply couldn’t deny him anything.

“Alright, it’s settled then. Text me when you can come over and I’ll try to have something drawn up for you by then.”

“Okay, sounds good.” I stood, ready to go get Josh and let him say goodbye to Gerard before we went back home. I could tell Gerard needed to rest but didn’t want to feel rude by kicking us out. “I’ll let you know. I’ll just uh, I’ll go get Josh now.”

“Hey Tyler.” I looked back to see Gerard watching me leave. “Thanks.”

“No, thank you.”


End file.
